(Matt Monday): 5 Tips for Meeting People (From a Guy Who Couldn’t Use the Apps)

Interactive Transcript

spk_0 Nearly half of US adults say that dating is harder now than it was a decade ago.

spk_0 If you are frustrated with endless swiping, ghosting, and dead end chats, you are not alone.

spk_0 One Reddit user wrote, I have wasted so much time trying to meet people through apps

spk_0 in 8 years I have met zero people in person.

spk_0 If any of that resonates, the cynicism, the fatigue, the will-eye-die alone jokes, take a breath,

spk_0 you are not doomed.

spk_0 Pew data from 2023 shows that only about one in 10 couples actually met through an app.

spk_0 Now that number might be a bit higher now, it might be around 25% to 30%,

spk_0 but over half of people still meet through everyday life, friends, work, or chance.

spk_0 So in this video, I wanted to share five practical tips for how you can meet people offline,

spk_0 whether you are taking a break from the apps, or you just want to know that you don't need them.

spk_0 Number one, say yes to invitations you would normally decline.

spk_0 There have been studies on our thoughts that show that we have thousands of thoughts today,

spk_0 and most of them are the exact same thoughts we had yesterday.

spk_0 Well, I think the same thing about the things we do day in, day out.

spk_0 Most of the things that we do in our lives are routine.

spk_0 They are a repetition.

spk_0 So what we have to do is start introducing some newness into our lives if we want to meet new people.

spk_0 I remember going back to London one Christmas, and my friend, a friend I rarely saw,

spk_0 inviting me to his engagement party.

spk_0 I didn't really want to go, I was tired, I was jet lagged, but I said yes.

spk_0 And I am so grateful I did, because that decision to say yes changed the course of my entire life.

spk_0 That party is where I met my wife, Audrey.

spk_0 And even if you don't meet the love of your life when you say yes to an event,

spk_0 every invitation is an opportunity to expand your network.

spk_0 Even if you don't meet someone romantically, you might meet someone who introduces you to someone

spk_0 else down the line.

spk_0 By the way, the people that are especially valuable to this strategy are what we call your weak ties.

spk_0 People that you don't know that well, acquaintances, people you don't see very often.

spk_0 And I know it's scary and outside our comfort zone to go where we don't know people,

spk_0 but you really never know when it's going to pay off in a life changing way.

spk_0 Speaking of getting outside our comfort zones, this is the last chance for you to join my one

spk_0 and only retreat for 2025, which is happening in the next two weeks. It is finally here.

spk_0 The retreat is going to show you how to rewire the deep emotional patterns of a lifetime,

spk_0 so that you can finally see what's possible for you in love and in life when you step into the

spk_0 most confident, calm and powerful version of yourself.

spk_0 The best part is this year for the first time you can do the retreat from home with the

spk_0 virtual experience. So you can do it from where you're watching this video right now for just

spk_0 $195. The link to get your ticket is retreataccess.com. And by the way, if you're busy that weekend,

spk_0 when you get a virtual ticket, you also get two weeks to watch the replay. And I'm throwing in 30 days

spk_0 of free access to Matthew AI so that you can continue to get my support after the retreat is over.

spk_0 If you miss this one, you will have to wait a whole other year for the next one. So grab your ticket

spk_0 today and I will see you in a couple of weeks. Now, when you're saying yes to invitations you'd

spk_0 normally decline, excuses come up, right? Time, energy, introversion. This is where our second

spk_0 strategy comes in. Number two, set yourself micro missions. Let me tell you about my tour rule.

spk_0 When I would travel around and do events in all different cities in the world, I would get to my

spk_0 hotel after a flight. And I would be on my own. This was back when I couldn't afford a team or

spk_0 to bring anyone with me. And I had this feeling of I really should go out and like see the city.

spk_0 But I also had the feeling of I really should stay in my hotel bed and order room service as the

spk_0 introvert that I am. Here's how I got around it. I would set myself a simple rule. Okay, Matthew,

spk_0 you have to go to somewhere nearby a little bar or a coffee shop or whatever, somewhere close

spk_0 and have one drink. That's it, one drink. Once you've done that, you can come home,

spk_0 order room service and go to bed, but you have to do that. And the beautiful thing about this

spk_0 mission was that I did it because I lowered the stakes of it and be some of the time things would

spk_0 happen. I would meet people. I would end up having a really fun evening, not always, but some of

spk_0 the time. And those things would never have happened if I didn't set myself an easy to complete

spk_0 mission. So one of the missions you can set yourself when you're doing something is how long you're

spk_0 going to be there. Okay, I'm just going to go for one hour or I'm just going to go for 30 minutes.

spk_0 And if I'm not having a good time, I can always go home. That's an important thing to remind yourself.

spk_0 I can always go home. Another mission you can set is for consistency. Okay, I'm going to do one new

spk_0 thing, put myself out of my comfort zone or my normal routine once every two weeks. Make it a

spk_0 consistency that you can actually stick to. Remember trajectory over intensity. You can also have

spk_0 a mission for socializing. For example, if a friend invites you to a party where you don't know

spk_0 many people, instead of declining because it feels awkward, go with the mindset of just meeting one

spk_0 new person. You don't have to work the whole room. Just focus on having one meaningful interaction.

spk_0 Strategy number three for meeting people. Practice tiny interactions, tiny interactions.

spk_0 Easy to do interactions. So make it a point to check briefly with people as you go through your

spk_0 day in a low steaks way. Compliment a stranger's called Tisha in line at the grocery store.

spk_0 Ask a barista how their day is going. Compliment someone's pet. Your dog is adorable. What's his name?

spk_0 These micro interactions do two things. Number one, they remind your brain that most people are

spk_0 friendly and they're happy to chat a little when they're approached kindly. And number two,

spk_0 they make you more confident in striking up conversations when it matters. It's like warming up

spk_0 before a big game. When you really have someone you want to talk to, it's a lot easier if you've

spk_0 been having little interactions with other people in your everyday life. Some other examples of how

spk_0 you can do this ask a little favor. You could be in a bookstore and say could you grab that book

spk_0 off the top shelf for me? I think I'm a bit too short. Comment on a shared situation. You might be in

spk_0 line with someone and just say this line is intense. Is it always like this in here? Compliment someone,

spk_0 a wedding or a networking event. Compliment how well someone handled a speech they had to give.

spk_0 And there's always a very simple one you can use in most social situations, especially when

spk_0 you both know the host. You can say we haven't met yet have we? And then shake their hand.

spk_0 The key is to keep all of these little openers light and low pressure. You're not asking someone

spk_0 out. You're just engaging. If they seem receptive, awesome. Carry on the conversation. If they only

spk_0 give you short replies or they seem busy and distracted, you can gracefully bow out with a polite

spk_0 comment and move on. There's no harm done. One of the ways I like to think about socializing is

spk_0 I want to go into every room and make other people brave. If I make other people brave, in other

spk_0 words, if I make it easy for them to talk to me by being warm and friendly, more people are going

spk_0 to talk to me. I am a huge traveler and I'm always going back and forth between London and the US

spk_0 or traveling in Europe. And when I do, I want to have access to all my online streaming services.

spk_0 My favorite shows, the content I like and some of it is restricted in different regions,

spk_0 which is why I use NordVPN. NordVPN lets you stay connected, but it also hides your IP address,

spk_0 encrypts traffic and ensures that you can travel risk-free. If I'm in a public spot abroad,

spk_0 like a coffee shop, a hotel or an airport and I want to stay safe, I make sure I turn NordVPN on

spk_0 because it encrypts your traffic and hides your IP address, which means you can't be tracked,

spk_0 wherever you are, you know you're safe, you're not going to be on some intrusive public Wi-Fi.

spk_0 So for me, it's access and peace of mind. I know that my browsing is safe and I make sure I have

spk_0 access to everything I'm subscribed to and all my streaming services, podcasts, I know I can get

spk_0 my favorite things from anywhere in the world. And the best part is we have a special deal for you.

spk_0 If you go to NordVPN.com slash love life, you get four extra months for free when you sign up for

spk_0 a two-year plan and there's a 30-day money back guarantee so there's no risk in trying it out.

spk_0 So wherever your favorite spot in the world is, make sure you're staying safe online with NordVPN.

spk_0 Again, that's nordvpn.com slash love life for the special deal. Now back to the episode.

spk_0 The key here is don't be perfect. Just say something. Instead of thinking of saying the perfect

spk_0 thing, say the obvious thing because if the choice is between saying something obvious and

spk_0 saying nothing at all, choose the obvious thing every time. Strategy for for meeting people.

spk_0 Join communities that align with goals you already have. One of the ideas that people struggle with

spk_0 is this idea that I have to do all of these new things in order to meet people and I don't have

spk_0 the time or the energy. But if you're doing something that already aligns with a goal, you have,

spk_0 it's a lot easier. Either do something that you've been meaning to do anyway so it could be getting

spk_0 involved with a charity by going to an event, could be joining a salsa class or a public speaking

spk_0 workshop or do a more sociable version of a thing you already do. So if you love photography,

spk_0 join a photography club or attend a workshop. If you're into fitness, try a group class or a running

spk_0 club. The point is not to add more things to your schedule here that take up more time.

spk_0 The point is to use time that you would have already allocated to goals you have or things you

spk_0 already like to do. Before we go into number five, tell me in the comments which of the first four

spk_0 strategies is most important for you right now in getting some progress. Leave a comment I want to

spk_0 read them. Number five, learn to exchange details with people casually. Of course at some point

spk_0 when we meet people, we want to be able to exchange details with them. So you can say a

spk_0 number of things as a way of doing this. You could say it'd be great to stay connected if you're

spk_0 open to it. What's the best way to stay in touch? You can even add, I can send you that podcast we've

spk_0 been talking about. Or if you've been talking about Lord of the Rings with this person because you're

spk_0 a millennial, you could say you never know when you're going to need good Lord of the Rings content.

spk_0 Bonus tip number six, have a large repertoire of Lord of the Rings content. That was a joke we're

spk_0 still in number five. There is no number six. Another way to exchange details. Let's say you've been

spk_0 talking to someone and your friends who you came with are across the room. You could say, hey,

spk_0 I've got to get back to my friends but I've really enjoyed talking with you. Why don't we exchange

spk_0 numbers and we can keep talking sometime? What I like about this by the way is that you're the one

spk_0 leaving. You're the one getting back to your friends. So you're almost like taking yourself away.

spk_0 But you're throwing in there. It would be great to stay in touch. Of course you can also give

spk_0 someone your number which is a lower pressure thing to do. So you could say, hey, let me give you my

spk_0 number. If you ever want to continue the conversation, shoot me a text. I think Tim Ferris had a line

spk_0 that he gave years ago which went something like, why don't we exchange numbers? You can always give

spk_0 me the wrong number if you like. You could even add, I won't know until I get home. There's something

spk_0 kind of sweet and self-deprecating about that and it also completely takes the pressure off

spk_0 of someone else. It also shows that you're kind of like cool and easy and you don't take yourself too

spk_0 seriously. Thank you so much for listening to the episode. I hope you enjoyed it. Before you go,

spk_0 make sure that you do this today. I promise you every week you are missing out by not doing what I'm

spk_0 about to say. I am sending a private email to a group of people who have registered for it every

spk_0 single Friday. The email is called the three relationships and every email is packed with advice

spk_0 on how you can improve one of the three relationships that I believe determine the quality of your life.

spk_0 Your relationship with other people, your relationship with yourself and your relationship with

spk_0 life itself is a super valuable email. People really look forward to it. This is not the kind of email

spk_0 that you don't open. It's the kind of email you can't wait to see in your inbox every Friday.

spk_0 Go over to thethreerelationships.com to sign up for that email for free and I will see you in your

spk_0 inbox this Friday. Thanks for listening everyone. I'll see you in the next episode. Be well and love life.

(Matt Monday): 5 Tips for Meeting People (From a Guy Who Couldn’t Use the Apps)

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