Redeemed by Love (Guests: Tommy & Sophia Ruffin-Wilson)

Interactive Transcript

spk_0 My argument was always a born this way until Jesus hit me with a flex will be born again

spk_0 My whole attitude was if this guy didn't make me like this then let him change me

spk_0 I went to church as a practical joke and I play a line all my practical jokes led to my breakthroughs

spk_0 Tommy Wilson and Sophia ruffin Wilson are on the yellow couch welcome. Welcome. I was preaching

spk_0 I was traveling I wasn't really single and lonely like I was single and cool because I was doing a lot of things

spk_0 I just kept getting these prophecies like your husband coming and one day

spk_0 I had some mentees prophesy to me and say the Lord said this the last season that you gonna be by yourself take a picture

spk_0 And it was like three other Mary couples fast forward. I was at the next meeting

spk_0 He was a real next meeting and I had a date set up and everything after what she preached

spk_0 I laid it all up until a five-star restaurant and the menus printed out

spk_0 I had a initials the date and everything the next day we talk and I said I love you

spk_0 You said that after two weeks prior to him saying he was in love with me

spk_0 I had dreamed that I met this man

spk_0 We fell in love so fast that it was like we were best friends and in the dream that guy said to me

spk_0 I'm in love with you and I said we might as well go together and I think God had to show me

spk_0 Previously because I you wouldn't have been open to yeah, that's too fast so people can understand the power in what you're saying right now

spk_0 Where's your testimony? I just

spk_0 aggressively lived my life as a

spk_0 Homosexual female that was masculine

spk_0 Presented I can go all the way back to third grade really I can recall

spk_0 Having a crush on a teacher and this teacher spent a lot of time affirming me

spk_0 So feel you so pretty you such a good girl the rejection the abandonment the trauma and because

spk_0 The enemy don't play fair is what I always say it unlocked a perversion in the

spk_0 Affirmation that I was receiving from a woman Tommy. How did you accept her testimony?

spk_0 The dear future wifey podcast has global impact from Texas. I have been on this journey of healing and self-discovery

spk_0 And this podcast has been a vital part of my process

spk_0 Guyana God establishing through you a legacy a display of freedom found in authentic spirituality

spk_0 California learned so much as a single man through your podcast and continue to learn so much as

spk_0 Now a married man Nigeria. This is just therapy for me. You know, I've been healed

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spk_0 I am a single woman. So these episodes really give me hope and courage that God does have a husband for me

spk_0 Discover uncover and recover love. I'm LaTaris R. Whitfield and this is season 10 of the dear future wifey podcast

spk_0 Welcome to dear future wifey podcast. I'm your host LaTaris R. Whitfield

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spk_0 Since the inception of this podcast I've been wanting to have this conversation

spk_0 I've been waiting for the right guess to have this conversation with

spk_0 Welcome to the dear future wifey podcast my homie

spk_0 Tommy Wilson and Sophia Ruffin Wilson are on the yellow cards welcome welcome. How y'all doing?

spk_0 Thank you

spk_0 I want to close to as close to as possible as great. So uh listen now

spk_0 Let me tell the people how this interview came to pass I was on the phone with

spk_0 um my old youth pastor Joy Hill and we were chopping up and talking and she said you know what you know you

spk_0 She have on the podcast I said who she said Sophia

spk_0 Ruffin

spk_0 Wilson I said

spk_0 Okay, and I was talking I said send me a link she sent me a link

spk_0 While she was sending me a link I get a DM on WhatsApp

spk_0 From Erlene from the Bahamas and say you know what you have with your podcast. I just got fish interview and I said hold on

spk_0 I'm on the phone right now and you're you're WhatsApping me right now

spk_0 I said whoever this woman is clearly God wants her to be on this yellow couch. So let's make it happen

spk_0 So I know that you're going to do something say something release something in this episode

spk_0 That it was by God's design and orchestrated by him for you to be here for such a time as this isn't that real churchy for such a time

spk_0 That is very churchy and that's very good and that's very God

spk_0 For such a time as this that's deep so um let me ask y'all how long y'all been married almost three years almost three years

spk_0 And um how did y'all be well how long y'all know each other before y'all got married

spk_0 Well, we knew I knew of him in 2017

spk_0 Uh, I inquired about him when I went to a church to preach he was just so nice serving and I saw this handsome man

spk_0 I just like oh wow who is that and she's like all he married and that was it

spk_0 I had never seen him again to years later. Yeah, that was 2017 and then y'all read

spk_0 Y'all met again in 2022

spk_0 Yeah, yeah

spk_0 22 which one is a description 22

spk_0 I want to make sure the scene is lined up because your divorce right be on one day and it be

spk_0 I gotta make sure to be receipts because he people be like uh-uh they met in 2022

spk_0 I looked as divorce was final in march of 2022 you right I know how people are gonna get real message

spk_0 Uh, so the reality was you said hey

spk_0 I saw him

spk_0 He's married awful Emma's and

spk_0 What happened in that journey?

spk_0 What was your life like in from 2017 to 2022?

spk_0 Well, I lived in Chicago and I was going to preach um at his church that he was uh serving that

spk_0 And that was 2017 I saw him or whatever and then uh, you know, I went back and forth to the church to minister and and have

spk_0 You know, just was in relationship with the church there

spk_0 And I never saw him again like I just never saw him and then in

spk_0 21 I went through like a very challenging season

spk_0 Uh, where I lost my grandmother and my mom back to back and so that was just like a very hard season for me and

spk_0 That was just I was preaching. I was traveling. I was you know

spk_0 Just kind of like just living my life. I wouldn't

spk_0 Really single and lonely like I was single and cool because I was doing a lot of things and it just kept getting the I just kept getting these prophecies like your husband coming woman the guy you about to get married

spk_0 I just get so irritated because I'm like

spk_0 Not every time it's a it's a woman that single everybody want to prophesy, you know that a husband coming out used to

spk_0 Honestly, I used to kind of reject those prophecies because I kind of felt like

spk_0 Where he at you know, it's impossible and kind of probably had a little doubt that God can do that for me if I'm being honest and one day in

spk_0 Like early 22 I had some mentees prophesy to me and said coach listen

spk_0 The Lord said this is the last season that you're gonna be by yourself take a picture and it was like three other

spk_0 Three other Mary couples take a picture. I got in the picture. I took a picture with them

spk_0 And said this is the last time you've been the picture by yourself and fast forward like

spk_0 I was at the next meeting

spk_0 He was at the next meeting

spk_0 And so what was going on in your life at the time when went your divorce final

spk_0 21 21 21 21 and so after meeting her

spk_0 Did she ever come across your mind or did you even know that she inquired about you back then?

spk_0 I didn't had no idea

spk_0 It was just walking past and that was it and kept moving you know, I'm serving

spk_0 I'm doing I supposed to do

spk_0 21 when I went through my divorce, you know, it was tough for a guy to

spk_0 To start over at the age of 46

spk_0 And you try to get back on a date and feel and she's like why in the world would you ever do that? You know, why I mean literally

spk_0 I mean

spk_0 Mentally you got to let go and physically and all that good stuff

spk_0 But I had to seek therapy first to get my mind right good because it was it was messed up

spk_0 Explain to people see a lot of women feel like she's a single man. She's a you having fun. It's a feel down there

spk_0 Why was it challenging for you in these dating streets?

spk_0 Because I know what type person I am

spk_0 I just don't I didn't want just anything. I knew I've been married for 21 half years

spk_0 So I'm not just out there just to be doing anything

spk_0 And I'm just not that type of person. I was raised right. I know what I'm what I am

spk_0 I know who I am. I know who's

spk_0 God made me to be and it was just tough and it's just like man. No, I can't do this

spk_0 So I just ask God. I said I want to be married again and

spk_0 I inquired and it was the rest of history. I mean it happened fast

spk_0 The man I felt I felt hard real real quick

spk_0 So you said happy fast

spk_0 Give reference to that so like

spk_0 Talked on the phone you're incredible about me in 20

spk_0 Uh in June so yeah

spk_0 We talked on in the sauna June then she came preach like two weeks later

spk_0 And I had a date set up and everything after what she preached

spk_0 I did it. I laid it all out when to a five star restaurant and the menus printed out

spk_0 I had her initials the date and everything

spk_0 I had some rose petals in a bag. I knew she like once had a little canvas with some ones on it a little picture

spk_0 I had all that set up and

spk_0 The next day we talked she went back because she had the preach and I said I got something to tell you

spk_0 And I was like I don't know what I want you think I'm just so you know, you know

spk_0 Rather was in love. Yeah, I'm all thirsty

spk_0 A little part over there. He was a little part. He was in love. Yeah, but I said I love you. You said that after two weeks

spk_0 Yeah, but here's the thing dog. Can I tell you the thing?

spk_0 So so when he inquired about me and we talked on the phone

spk_0 Mind you

spk_0 I had already knew like of him that he was a married before and he had

spk_0 Three young adult kids

spk_0 So honestly at that point when I was thinking about I'm like nah like I don't want nobody

spk_0 There's been married and all this but then I'm also thinking I'm older in age, okay?

spk_0 Let me just give it a shot and so we talked it to him. I did tell him

spk_0 I was like he was married 21 and a half years. That's almost all your life. Go story over you. Oh, it's like

spk_0 Go be outside because

spk_0 Like I want

spk_0 You know because I'm like you've been you know married so long and

spk_0 We just kept on talking, but we were like really connecting and

spk_0 And then when he ended up but prior to him saying he was in love with me

spk_0 I had dreamed and I dreamed a few months ago that I share but two people I'm like man

spk_0 I just had a prophetic dream

spk_0 That I met this man. Oh wow

spk_0 We and I tried not to do those dreams because they get spooky and I said we fell in love so fast

spk_0 That it was like we were best friends and in the dream the guy said to me

spk_0 I'm in love with you and I said we might as well go to get them

spk_0 So you have to know

spk_0 When I tell you when he said that in two weeks when he said that

spk_0 I it just rolled off my truck. I was like we might as well go together. Are you saying that to him in real life?

spk_0 And I said

spk_0 Pro it was like prophecy

spk_0 Of what I dream and I think God had to show me

spk_0 Previously because I you wouldn't have been open to yeah, that's too fast and

spk_0 We was we was going together and like we was just going to go

spk_0 He said we go together real bad. Yeah

spk_0 So as it is so people can understand the power in what you're saying right now. What is your path for your background

spk_0 Where's your testimony? Well, I come out of the lifestyle of gender dysphoria which I felt like

spk_0 Like mass extreme masculinity

spk_0 Um and identity issues homosexuality

spk_0 Uh, just out when I say outside like outside outside. I wasn't really I was brought up in

spk_0 Missionary Baptist Church, but like not really having a relationship with God like that. I play college basketball

spk_0 Uh, athlete and just just hard just just strong, you know independent

spk_0 dominant type female and

spk_0 And I live that life for I mean from

spk_0 Like grade school really? Yeah little just yeah, so you tell me

spk_0 You were living with life you're talking about almost actually well not in grade school

spk_0 Listen grade school, you know, you know in in grade school

spk_0 I knew like I was having these attractions and these interactions

spk_0 I could go all the way back to third grade really and that's yeah in third grade

spk_0 I can recall having a crush on a teacher

spk_0 And knowing what says that

spk_0 Uh, I don't know if this right of this wrong, but that teacher when I look at it now

spk_0 That teacher was literally just affirming me because I was a bag a trouble kid

spk_0 Uh

spk_0 Father in and out, you know, poverty

spk_0 Um, looking like a bomb pretty much hair book while now put together and hard working mom

spk_0 worked hard single hard working mom and

spk_0 and and this teacher spent a lot of time affirming me so feel you so pretty you such a good girl

spk_0 Get over here. Let me fix your hair. Let me you you stay inside and let me make sure you to keep me good

spk_0 And because the enemy don't play fair is what I always say

spk_0 Those perversions and those the rejection the abandonment the trauma that I had

spk_0 It unlocked the perversion in the affirmation that I was receiving from a woman

spk_0 Why why can you see that as mothering?

spk_0 Why can you see that as extension of what you did your mom do the same thing that she affirmed you back then?

spk_0 Yeah, my mom she did she affirmed she loved but I always say this the enemy don't play fair

spk_0 I'm gonna fail the abortion too

spk_0 Okay, so when you look at the spirit of homosexuality a lot of times you're not just dealing with the perversion side of it

spk_0 You're actually dealing with rejection of abandonment trauma

spk_0 The rejection was already

spk_0 So in the womb

spk_0 You know, so I came out my mother's belly

spk_0 Already rejected and so the enemy don't say oh, I'mma just wait until she turns 17 to 18

spk_0 He starts to pervert and rewire your thoughts as a child and I also dealt with

spk_0 Already being bullied about adults in the family column. He's that's a little man

spk_0 That's a good yeah, yeah, yeah, so you've always been more of a tomboy side as they were saying as they were saying right

spk_0 And so they would speak that and you talk about third

spk_0 I had a faithful cousin that did it relentlessly

spk_0 Hmm, so would you always like the girl that will play with the boys be out there playing yeah football with him and all

spk_0 I'm gonna play football basketball and I'm gonna fight you, you know, so

spk_0 So yeah, so you are so that's why I also say you have to be careful

spk_0 You know what is speaking over a child because those very words that were spoken at that time

spk_0 Of course, you don't know that oh this oh this homosexuality this being

spk_0 You know gay no you you just trying to understand

spk_0 What you're feeling what you're thinking and like I said because the enemy don't play fair

spk_0 He just took advantage of those moments and kept creating opportunities

spk_0 That caused me to spiral down into the lifestyle and then with basketball, you know gifted extremely talented

spk_0 So always playing on the basketball team with older girls

spk_0 Because of my ability which also exposed me more to the language and to the dark side of that lifestyle

spk_0 So we hear that a lot in women's basketball, so you're saying that's true

spk_0 Now I would say it's a different culture, you know, you got more femininity in basketball and sports

spk_0 Which is amazing and you have the visibility of

spk_0 The basketball community promoting more feminine women, right, but back then it was really more dominant

spk_0 masculine, you know, it was a stigma that was also attached to that

spk_0 so and so from that third grade

spk_0 Crush on your teacher

spk_0 How did you reconcile that in your mind? Was it just that oh my teacher is pretty or I want my teacher to kiss me

spk_0 Like

spk_0 No, no, no, it was more so I could I can remember feeling that you know

spk_0 I think every person get this uh-oh feeling like

spk_0 You just feel it. I don't have so much knowledge into that back then, but when I had to recall

spk_0 I can recall that moment

spk_0 I and so I'm a just even that my story around that

spk_0 I didn't even entertain the sexual part of homosexuality until I started to really get into like high school

spk_0 So it was more mental it was more uh

spk_0 Changing me inwardly giving me this the stigma of it before ever manifested until like the activity

spk_0 I had already started to lose the identity. So my situation

spk_0 I tell people and this for all of y'all everybody's story and journey is different

spk_0 um, but my was

spk_0 I lost my identity

spk_0 Before I even started entertaining anything sexually. I lost my identity. Can you help me understand? What do you mean by that? You lost your identity?

spk_0 because I was born a woman and

spk_0 God had a specific call and a purpose for me, you know, I'm talking before you start experimenting with women

spk_0 Where you start now you're dressing like a boy. Well, dressing like a boy, you know, uh, but it did at that time

spk_0 I lived that home with my mom so I can only go so far. Yeah, you know black mom

spk_0 I think you like that you can come out hey

spk_0 That's my mom and she was more so like um

spk_0 She she really she kind of knew but she did it because I use this use. I'm an athlete. I play basketball

spk_0 I don't judge me everybody judging me so I already was defensive and already fighting against it

spk_0 But I was casually just more time boy, but when I went off to college

spk_0 Those are whole another sick that that

spk_0 If when I went off to college my freshman year, it was cut my hair in the fade

spk_0 It was get the tattoos everything I thought that would make me more masculine. It was you know

spk_0 Just it was just

spk_0 saggy clothes baggy back then it wasn't you know, it was just a different type of fashion. It was just

spk_0 hard and I just

spk_0 Slowly the drinking the smoking came with that and in that process it was like now

spk_0 Become and more knowledgeable of the lifestyle of me and then I started at that point

spk_0 Feeling like oh, I was born gay. I was born this way

spk_0 And this is my life and there's nothing nobody can say to me about it

spk_0 And I just aggressively live my life

spk_0 As a homosexual female that was masculine presenting and then

spk_0 You know

spk_0 People was talking to me about you know you you need God you you know you need God

spk_0 I'm like what was this guy? But what would you where you raised in church?

spk_0 Missionary baptist, you know, you just go. Yeah, you know, you see everybody that smokers cigarettes

spk_0 They the deacons commit the adultery, you know, so why I'm seeing all this so you

spk_0 Why why I gotta be the one going to hell of God and my whole attitude was if this God didn't make me like this

spk_0 Let them change me you couldn't tell me back then I would be who I am completely not just a married woman

spk_0 It's so many people think cuz you be a married means nothing like my

spk_0 Conversion and the truth of what God did for me was the day I knew

spk_0 When I gave my life to Jesus and he started the process of giving me a new one because my argument was always this

spk_0 I'm born this way until Jesus hit me with a flex will be born again

spk_0 Jesus

spk_0 I got let this boy. I got the seven

spk_0 He said what

spk_0 Be born again

spk_0 And and I'm gonna tell you I've never really heard the voice of God cuz prophets always you know, they be weird

spk_0 Be born again. I had to hear God for myself, and I'm I'm like how

spk_0 How how this gonna happen and I went to church as a practical joke and I play a lot

spk_0 He says a practical joke. Joe's led to my breakthroughs

spk_0 Every prank

spk_0 Okay

spk_0 Every prank I got invited cuz I would get invited to church because I was always people's project like everybody wanted them because you know

spk_0 Like if I could just help change her and God had such a unique way the way he did it and I went to church and

spk_0 I heard the gospel preach. I would say

spk_0 So profoundly and experienced the prophetic all in one encounter and

spk_0 The pastor he was preaching and he was talking about

spk_0 Uh, got a forgive you for your sins and he preached about the blood of Jesus and I mean that man had told that service up a

spk_0 Possible to him he he he just ran all through that church with it and

spk_0 A song came on Martha, Moon Easy come lay your burdens down the burdens you have carried yeah

spk_0 Yeah

spk_0 I was really

spk_0 Yeah, and they

spk_0 It was alter call

spk_0 I went to the altar and I said Lord whatever you do just don't embarrass me whatever you do please

spk_0 For mask you want to fall out no, I didn't want to fall out at all like no, I'm too cool

spk_0 I'm laughing at them speaking in tongues. I was like what's these people doing in shouting and then we're on walking down

spk_0 And what they just speaking in them tongues and I get down there and up the apostle

spk_0 He moves the microphone and he prophesied to me my entire life of childhood upbringing

spk_0 I'm not even from that town. So what was that it's Mount Vernon Illinois

spk_0 You know, which is like three and a half hours from Chicago

spk_0 He prophesied to me prophesied who I would become even now in the days that I'm in now he spoke it

spk_0 He said you're gonna be preaching guys world you're gonna be preaching you guys gonna make you you're gonna be like a butterfly

spk_0 And all listen, I'm like why don't you gonna be married? I don't know if he gave me that part though

spk_0 I ain't get that one but

spk_0 So when you hear him saying this what do you think it? I'm just really I think before I got to him talking about the future version of me

spk_0 I was so overwhelmed

spk_0 This is like real talk like

spk_0 With the guy who was revealing my secrets to a man like I went on this pursuit

spk_0 I didn't even realize like that was a prophetic gift or prophecy. I just was in us saying god

spk_0 Who are you to reveal all of my secrets to this man and how can I find you and that actually led me on my personal journey of

spk_0 Searching for god and in that

spk_0 He just kind of just walked me through my deliverance. I got the cypher I got you know

spk_0 I went through a process like from 2003 to 2008. I still was masculine presenting

spk_0 But God transformed me inside out. So it was actually like miraculous

spk_0 So you talking about from what period time you go down to the altar when did you stop quote on quote bin masculine presenting

spk_0 2008 so how I mean what how long is that like a five year period so five years or you still in church you saved sanctified

spk_0 Uh, um

spk_0 Shouting I'm a Christian but then you were still masculine presenting and then what would you hear from people in church?

spk_0 You still gay

spk_0 Ain't no change you still gay that girl gay and other than all

spk_0 You still look like a dude put on the skirt put on makeup put on this and I'm like I ain't put on none of that like why do you want to put it all because I didn't I

spk_0 I felt like I'm saying because the Bible at that listen all I do is I'm born again. I gave my life to Jesus

spk_0 I can't I didn't want to force it. You want to be fake? Yeah, I wasn't I how do I live out the closet that long the good get saved

spk_0 And y'all try to put me in the closet then you try to make me be fake

spk_0 I'm like I'm hanging all who like I only know freedom

spk_0 So you're gonna church still uh, so where's you what you still dating women?

spk_0 From 2013 to that I really wasn't dating a bunch of women like

spk_0 I would do take one to steal st. Gay

spk_0 You know what

spk_0 That one day but but I did have to walk through the process but yeah in 2000 here's what happened

spk_0 I didn't realize how much at that point my sexuality was connected to my identity

spk_0 Now I had no idea now if I'm still a presenting and looking like a dude

spk_0 I'm sending off

spk_0 To people they don't know. Yeah, so it was still luring this attraction

spk_0 And the women was confused right yeah, and so I'm like man, this hard

spk_0 So what would you say to them? I ain't getting no more of it

spk_0 And I listen I'm in church. I'm like this. No, I'm in church like I'm trying to live my life like I'm in church

spk_0 But I was still in that process like going to the club

spk_0 I was letting my pastor know and this my whole story is like this girl has been transparent

spk_0 Possible my way to the club

spk_0 That's your church tomorrow. I'm up to mom with my little five all the time and offering but I'm at the club and

spk_0 But in 2008 though seriously when when I when God another practical joke

spk_0 I'm like, let me do this girl thing one time for my mom because she hadn't seen me in a state of any femininity for years

spk_0 I'm in my run. I'm like I'm gonna go to Chicago. I'm a surprise of a mother's day

spk_0 At that time for those five years span. I did grow my hair as I had like more rolls

spk_0 I was like I'm gonna go to the shop. I'm gonna let the girl fly down my hair

spk_0 I'm but I didn't know what broadside I didn't know what I said listen

spk_0 I need help find something to wear at that time caprice was popular

spk_0 When they got this outfit from our recess put it in a duffel bag with the rest of my mask and the clothes right my boxes and this and that

spk_0 Bay I love that you're just gonna through this story is a champion

spk_0 I

spk_0 take my backpack I go I go to surprise my mom I stay at her friend's house and I get dressed and

spk_0 You know, I'm in the room. I'm just putting it and I'm sending myself. I'm only doing this one time

spk_0 Like I'm not I don't have to change how I look this me arguing with them myself

spk_0 And so even when the girl flannel my hair. She shut her shop down shot out to percentage

spk_0 She shut her shop down close the windows cuz I'm like I don't want nobody seeing me looking. I don't want nobody to see you

spk_0 Embarrassed or what I could possibly look like cuz I didn't know who this is good. All right

spk_0 You hear me I look like a dude so long and you about to try to help me look like a girl. I was scared like

spk_0 What am I gonna look like that's real and so she was like just trust me

spk_0 So she did my hair turn me away from the mirror wrap my hair up put a do rag on and I

spk_0 I get to Chicago. I'm in the room undoing my hair

spk_0 Put my clothes on and it just felt different like I don't know. It was just like it felt right

spk_0 And I'm trying to figure that out and I'm like and so my friend on the phone. She like

spk_0 How you look Sophia? How you look? I said, I don't know. I was like I'm only doing this one time

spk_0 I'm just not about to be at every day things

spk_0 This this is one scenario

spk_0 The lady downstairs and Sophia you ready?

spk_0 I walk out the door. She has a huge beautiful mirror in the hallway as I'm walking out the door

spk_0 I'm looking I see myself in the mirror. I hit the floor

spk_0 I fall out

spk_0 To myself

spk_0 You need to take

spk_0 You know that's powerful. I come believe what I saw

spk_0 I look at me look at yourself want to hollage yourself

spk_0 Don't you look good

spk_0 What that is hilarious. I was no seriously. I was like oh my god. I was this me

spk_0 I was and I weep it and I hear the voice of God Lord say well done my good and faithful servant

spk_0 Look at my daughter Sophia in home on well, please. I was affirmed by God right privately the people

spk_0 I was still call you Sophia even when you were

spk_0 So you tried nobody knows my street name come on

spk_0 Because it's kind of awkward to look at

spk_0

spk_0 But I was no matter how hard I was people can always say you so sweet

spk_0 Shut up. I'm smoking a blind. I'm trying to be hard

spk_0 My voice always been so I want trying to change my voice and stuff

spk_0 You know, so I was always

spk_0 To don't say my street name

spk_0 And then I get the street name I've never leaked it like I might later but

spk_0 Get some charges on that name

spk_0 So when you saw yourself what did and you heard God speak to you Sophia? I am well pleased

spk_0 When you looked at that then what happened?

spk_0 I weep I just weep that felt I was just overwhelmed like I just couldn't believe that's why

spk_0 No matter what I don't care but nobody ever say about me because my own testimony is my truth

spk_0 This ain't for this ain't for church. I didn't grow up for this for church

spk_0 And so when I get in the car coming out of stairs the lady she like yo mama gon' just be so woo woo

spk_0 Even though my mom loves her baby girl period. Let's put that there

spk_0 She always except what she always does she always except you for yes

spk_0 She did because she kept saying the fruit of a woman was blessed she said she kept saying you're a prophet you you call you are damn

spk_0 Saw you in your future sense. Yeah, and I'm like I'm like stop believing that my I want to I really don't want her to feel this

spk_0 Yeah, I'm not gonna none of that like I'm sorry and I go on the church

spk_0 And my nieces and nephews I go sit with them my mom in the choir stand and

spk_0 And my nephew on the drums he looking and he pulling like that's my teeth like everybody just it's a big deal

spk_0 Because it's like wow, so my mom she's asking who is that lady with my with my grandkids because it was such a chaotic scene

spk_0 But like he said that show door them

spk_0 My mom weeps she weeps she the pastor stopped the service

spk_0 I go to get my mama hug and

spk_0 Like yo like it just you can't even search your girlfriend. Yeah, you can't explain like I can't explain what that moment did for her

spk_0 But most of all what it did for me like I don't know like it was just an embrace that just felt like

spk_0 Whatever I never got I got on the one and her love like validated me on the level that

spk_0 I didn't know I needed and

spk_0 She she just kept saying

spk_0 Look at my baby she was just in all cuz

spk_0 Imagine like when when when people do choose to live certain lifestyles and they transform

spk_0 That parent

spk_0 Kind of lose they have to have to grieve the loss of

spk_0 That daughter so to speak or that son you know, I never saw all the memories that they had saying oh

spk_0 I can't wait for my daughter to go to prom. I'm gonna get a prom dress. I'm gonna get this and then daughter shows up in a

spk_0 Yeah, yeah, it's like

spk_0 And then the whispers at the church like oh, yeah, so I was so feeling. I mean, you know God is working. We just praying for her deliverance

spk_0 So now you gotta now your speech has to change in order to say I still love my daughter

spk_0 I still love my son

spk_0 But I recognize that the lifestyle that they're living is at versatile what God is called in their life

spk_0 But I I'm in this juxtaposition between covering my child and also not conforming to what this lifestyle is

spk_0 It's an interesting conundrum. Yeah, and that's how it was and

spk_0 Uh when we got home after at the service. I went

spk_0 To go open my duffel bag to put back on my other clothes. I

spk_0 Could not fit that stuff. It was it was like I couldn't put it on

spk_0 It was like supernaturally that was it that was

spk_0 Whatever I was

spk_0 Out really that

spk_0 Chapter head can't to a supernatural clothes. It was over. I had never

spk_0 Went back to forms of masculinity and

spk_0 You know in my process from oh eight to even all the way now like I was always

spk_0 mindful of like because you have to learn people don't understand like you have to learn new mannerisms like you have to learn

spk_0 Femininity you got to learn how to trust and how to love how to be loved like

spk_0 Like before it ever was and so it wasn't like get married to cover up or get me know I literally went through years of

spk_0 Like being processed and prepared to be a wife and to be who I am today like

spk_0 Gentile count but still strong and you know secure

spk_0 But also know how to submit it come under and be led and it's just only God could do that in the reason why my process

spk_0 I think was

spk_0 Inside our first was so that I can know that I can trust God in every season

spk_0 So even in your

spk_0 Elementary middle school high school did you ever have crushes on boys that you have ever boyfriend at all?

spk_0 Yeah, I had a boyfriend

spk_0 And I had I liked all of like some of the cute boys. They never like me. They was just and this the name

spk_0 They like you are friend come play basketball with us like I was the cool like I was every I was cool with every dude

spk_0 I'm homie we dabbing and we cool and

spk_0 Even in

spk_0 seventh grade and then high school. I had a boyfriend and

spk_0 When I started getting kind of masculine. He like what's wrong like what's going on? He's questioning

spk_0 You know, I sign up for this. Yeah, well

spk_0 I see your bang

spk_0 I want a boyfriend. I want a girlfriend

spk_0 You switching before my very eyes

spk_0 Yeah, he did he has a question with my homeboy something like that. You

spk_0 But he we stay locked in and then um, I think that at that point when I I think the more I lost me

spk_0 Because I never I was never didn't think man was attractive. That's the thing

spk_0 That's interesting. That's why I want to go back to your attraction to the to the to males is always been there

spk_0 Yeah, like he look good. I knew how to acknowledge like I wasn't like he fine

spk_0 But the more I lost me though the the more I couldn't see a man though. Mm-hmm

spk_0 I couldn't see him no more like he look good because it didn't to me. It just didn't feel right see how

spk_0 Mm-hmm. It's just dysfunctional in my mind

spk_0 So the harder I became the more my eyes was closed to be able to see the the you know the depth of a man

spk_0 But then when my eyes was open

spk_0 It was like you can see again. Whoa

spk_0 Okay, I

spk_0 That's crazy, ain't it?

spk_0 We don't talk about the spiritual ramifications of that the Bible says good in the last days good would be called evil and evil be called good physically

spk_0 She said physically. I couldn't even look. I started out looking at me and the sound

spk_0 Yeah, they attract it. It was nice. Yeah, and then the more she started losing herself

spk_0 She started coming into agreement to the spirit that's teaching her that no you ain't supposed to even like that no more

spk_0 So she's like all right, well, I guess I'm supposed to like this and then as she's liking that and that became to be that's normalized

spk_0 even her appearance

spk_0 The way she thought was like hey, I this this is this is me. She's taking on

spk_0 Uh, this spirit of masculinity and then when God began to start healing her from the inside out

spk_0 He started healing the way that she thought the way that she sees and now oh

spk_0 Men are attractive now like that is yeah, I just never heard anybody break it down like that because most of the time they will always say

spk_0 I just never been attracted to guys. Yeah, God made me like this. I've always been attracted to women

spk_0 Even back when I was in the third grade my teacher from that moment

spk_0 I've always been attracted to women and I've never been that's not my story

spk_0 And that's why they come for me and say well you was never gay

spk_0 I'm like, you know what I'm tired of y'all

spk_0 Y'all like I said funny get me you won't get you was just you know

spk_0 Yeah, this is what do say this is so funny talk about that's why the company said she just unsturdyed herself

spk_0 You don't know I got the liver brother

spk_0 I'm studying

spk_0 The comments. I don't it don't even bother me because it's like man, you know a person

spk_0 That's what I respect everybody's journey. Yeah, everybody's processed everybody's walk with God

spk_0 That if you begin to think the reason comments about what people say so people think that you wasn't gay enough

spk_0 Just a couple of yeah, I'm like how what don't what what what you want me to do

spk_0 godly

spk_0 You know such things as a gay meter

spk_0 Maybe

spk_0 If you really gay you wouldn't be looking like this right now

spk_0 It's like you know what for good y'all

spk_0 And so let's talk to you Tommy. Thank you for your patience because I sure want to unpack this journey

spk_0 So I know what your journey was so what's your back story? I've been in church all my life. I

spk_0 Um, good parents

spk_0 Raised raised good middle class went to a private school never went to a public school

spk_0 She always give me this badge

spk_0 It's just she always gives me that that private school. Yeah, I'm that private school dude

spk_0 And I just I thank God because that's who I

spk_0 Just I'm very honored and privileged, you know to have gone to a school like that

spk_0 What's the issue growing?

spk_0 He's in Texas. He's always always in Houston. Yeah, okay

spk_0 And you growing up in the in the shy town area from the hood Chicago. Yeah, and then you did you all right

spk_0 So this is interesting how God brought these two worlds together, right? And so here you go pk you grew up into his

spk_0 uh

spk_0 Yeah, it was just

spk_0 You know place for basketball, you know, I was a good kid, you know, I didn't mean

spk_0 I wasn't bad. I mean, because my dad

spk_0 Yeah, common my dad was an army right

spk_0 Yeah, but we haven't played each other. Yeah, we haven't played each other. She played my son and don't don't put it on

spk_0 Yeah, he got you ready for you

spk_0 You can't read it for this. I'm with the dad. She told my she was the daddy

spk_0 I got told her when he think they got it from

spk_0 He said you ain't ready for him

spk_0 She now you heard that so fear to you ain't ready for him. Yeah, I'm a lot of I'm a lot of shine

spk_0 I'm gonna let him say

spk_0 Hey

spk_0 So you played basketball in high school. Yes, sir, and then private school and then what so you had a really good upbringing

spk_0 What did your parents is still in you wait to marriage to have sex with

spk_0 Hey, they instilled it within you marriage marriage marriage and uh, you got married at what age 23 where your virgin you got married?

spk_0 Yes, sir, so you waited to you waited for marriage

spk_0 So

spk_0

spk_0 Let me tell you something I am I am viewed to three people today and the other guy Jimmy Rollins

spk_0 He was a virgin when he got married. Wow, and so I love this because that's very rare

spk_0 And that's so fear say oh, that's cute

spk_0 That's powerful that's actually powerful in that you had a family that instilled that in you

spk_0 Because like I share with them with most men we're shared the opposite is saying hey listen

spk_0 Go smash as many women as possible and you were taught right to say honor your body

spk_0 The your parents valued marriage and said get married and save yourself a marriage

spk_0 I never had that conversation my mom and dad

spk_0 And so I honor that and so you got married and um was it one of those marriages where it was

spk_0 Is better than married than the burnwood lust type of things man in the church. How'd you meet your ex-wife?

spk_0 Oh, I met through school to a friend actually her friend liked it me

spk_0 Uh, but I didn't want to get the friend because she was promiscuous and I we're trying to do the thing and she said you'd be great great for my

spk_0 So we talked and hit it off and

spk_0 God married at three children and got divorced of 21 at 21 at 21 years

spk_0 We had three keys by 21 and got divorced

spk_0 So y'all are married for 21 years and when I talk to people about their past marriage

spk_0 I don't even ask them to uncover or stuff that's protected under the covenant my question always ask is this what did you learn

spk_0 What did you learn about yourself coming through that marriage? I learned that I'm an overcomer

spk_0 And then I you can't

spk_0 Came dwell on the failure and how it made you feel and what you what you didn't do yeah

spk_0 And because you'll get you what you didn't do this you didn't do all right

spk_0 But all the things that you did right that means you're still a good person

spk_0 Just because I didn't do a couple things wrong then I got to be defeated. No, I'm not

spk_0 I'm still a good man

spk_0 And that's why I was able to bounce back, you know, but I'm gonna tell this as well that as going through a divorce

spk_0 I sought help we can pray

spk_0 With that's good, but I had to seek a therapist. Yes, that's good. I went to therapy. So I got my mind right because I wanted hurt some folks

spk_0 And you know to protect myself

spk_0 Yeah, I'm feeling the spirit realm that you don't bend through some stuff in your mirrors. Yeah, that's what I'm hearing

spk_0 I'm here. Yes. Yeah, because it was

spk_0 It was clear not this one. Yeah, not this one. No, no, no, it was tough

spk_0 It's not not because in 21 I went through COVID in pneumonia

spk_0 And at that same time

spk_0 Um, you know, I get a call and saying that I don't want to do this no more

spk_0 And that was tough like I'm fighting for my life. I'm not gonna try to fight for this

spk_0 I know who I am

spk_0 You I tell my kids that this is the lowest you'll ever see your father. That's good

spk_0 The lowest and I thank God for a bounce back and you know just to be able to marry to be married again is a blessing

spk_0 Yeah, you know and at the time I didn't want to do that again

spk_0 But I said you try to date and do all this and you it's just like now man

spk_0 I got time for this this this is for the birds this ain't for me. I'm 46 years old trying to run the streets. I'm too old

spk_0 I can't I'm trying to get back on my feet. I literally started over 46. I'm working two jobs

spk_0 And then trying to date nah, I ain't got time for this. No, we not doing this

spk_0 So you meet her

spk_0 Y'all communicate y'all going to date two weeks or I have a phone conversation two weeks later y'all going your first date and then

spk_0 You say I love you sure did and that didn't scare you you say it

spk_0 Because I knew right then because I knew I talk about this in my book

spk_0 I said God know what I needed and you know what I wanted

spk_0 And it was wrapped up in Sophia and

spk_0 We were talking on the phone

spk_0 She was what I needed and wanted I talk about

spk_0 She's my missing piece because when we start talking on the phone, you know a guy at 46 years old starting over

spk_0 You give that resume I told her she would pop my balloon back in the day

spk_0 Really because you you not talking what a woman will want to hear

spk_0 But when I'm telling my story she's affirming me even in my lowest point of my life

spk_0 Wow

spk_0 So explain that right you farce you to pop your balloon

spk_0 divorce

spk_0 Breaks it start now over

spk_0 Well who wants a guy like that

spk_0 But you think about that Sophia because you said you wanted man that was Mary right right and didn't want one start now

spk_0 Lova because I was getting started, you know

spk_0 You know

spk_0 Gee, we both at the same point you know that the great the start line to actually start out

spk_0 Isn't interesting this is interesting because I love to hear couples talk about what they didn't want

spk_0 And then you realize that what they really needed was each other for sure so fear done being in these streets

spk_0 Mail presenting you know

spk_0 I want a man that ain't been married

spk_0 You know

spk_0 This man really like you

spk_0 Because I'm a keeper what that's so here Tommy the same this self of marriage got married did things the right way

spk_0 And she over time and you're in good enough me

spk_0 That is terrible because we do be having all these listen we've been just like

spk_0 Gregory but by the time

spk_0 Well, let me go get on time and then Tommy said the other girl that he wanted to to promiscuous

spk_0 Many may are you

spk_0 Geez I'd be like God I thank you

spk_0 I wake up thank you shouting with this man like God because that's how God is

spk_0 God can sit back and say you don't know what you need you know God look at you and be like so hot that we're gone for you

spk_0 You can go you did it you did it the way that it was quote-unquote supposed to be done

spk_0 You chose who you were quote-unquote supposed to choose your the best choice

spk_0 How that workout for you then you choose somebody that's totally surrendered submitted to God somebody that's walking in the full authority that God is placed on them

spk_0 Somebody that has a story to tell to say ask you that you were raised like that

spk_0 I'm from the hood. I was raised like this. I didn't have all this these are my experiences

spk_0 But what she brings to the table what she brings into the marriage is a level of grace

spk_0 also a level of anointing that

spk_0 That your ex-wife may have not carried she carries something because she's been through the fire and she will cherish this marriage

spk_0 Even greater because she knows what God has done for her in her life

spk_0 She never even solved this take place in her life

spk_0 So that means that because she didn't even see it so now she knows is totally she's walking in the vision of God

spk_0 So she says this is God's vision for my life

spk_0 So I show can't just sit back and think I know better than him

spk_0 What I thought best for myself was to choose the lifestyle that I chose I couldn't even see this the prophet

spk_0 So did you see this yeah the prophet spoke of my life, but didn't see this this is I'm in my God place

spk_0 This is my blessed place and so she'll be more surrendered and submitted to it where she talks about submission

spk_0 She's more surrendered and submitted to it because she first had to submit to God

spk_0 She submitted to God and then said okay, God you told me what submission you show me what submission looks like before you even blessed me to meet this man

spk_0 I had to have a strong relationship with you. I had to have a one-on-one relationship with you where you began to show me

spk_0 You begin to change me you begin to start speaking to my heart speaking to my mind showing me how to show up from a feminine perspective

spk_0 You did that guy so now you blessed me with this man in my life

spk_0 I'm honored because I know that's your gift to me you know that yes, sir

spk_0 Because I see it that's

spk_0 That's God

spk_0 Because I see it because we make up these ideas in our mind thinking we can choose what's best. Yeah

spk_0 If you could you you wouldn't need God

spk_0 I remember telling God in my single season God changed my prescription

spk_0 Because what I think I desire and what I think what I want is not working out is not working

spk_0 I've been divorced. I was married two-week shot of 10 years. I chose what I thought was best for me

spk_0 Didn't work out. So I said God

spk_0 I'm tired of choosing I need you to choose and make it plain wow make it where I know it's you and only you make it where I know that you had to

spk_0 Navigate these hearts to converge in these moments together in order for us to see each other because it was nobody but God that could make that happen

spk_0 Nobody but God can take you from Chicago you from Houston, Texas and

spk_0 Allowing encounter to take place in one season of your life that you revisit another season. That's nobody but God

spk_0 You ain't smart enough to make that happen

spk_0 That is so good. You can't network yourself into that

spk_0 You can't make him go through divorce at the precise time he had to go through divorce in order to meet you in another season

spk_0 Good man leave me alone. You can't make it happen

spk_0 So let me get back to interviewing y'all you know you want me to stop and shout

spk_0 Glory to God. Hey, don't play with it. Let me tell you that's good

spk_0 Because you couldn't make that happen. That's good

spk_0 And so when y'all met each other two weeks later

spk_0 Then how did this marriage come to come to pass?

spk_0 Well when I saw when when he was at his low right I knew of him

spk_0 So I also knew that he came from a very you know a really good background like

spk_0 In his previous relationship, right and so um

spk_0 I saw a man that was working two jobs

spk_0 He was working around the clock. So I just saw a hard worker

spk_0 And I also admired his walk with God like he was getting up going to church and you know

spk_0 When I was traveling he was on the phone making sure I made it and you know

spk_0 Just doing things that and I was like man. This is a good dude

spk_0 And so I'm gonna be honest like when he say like he was at a low place

spk_0 God didn't let me see that I just I saw a very hard working successful man

spk_0 And so when I was affirming him it was out of truth because that's what I saw

spk_0 I saw him

spk_0 Fight to get back up and then I also saw the integrity of

spk_0 He never ever bashed his previous and if you could be in 21 and a half years of a marriage

spk_0 And I don't know anything

spk_0 That shows that you have your healed and you have integrity so I felt very safe with him

spk_0 And then the fact that he served for 21 and a half years in the local church a man who serves and I'm like man

spk_0 This is just this is awesome. So I saw who I see every day like

spk_0 This is a very powerful wise good man

spk_0 And so I was just blessed so when he ended up saying he loved me and I said let's we might as well go together

spk_0 Uh, and I knew that it also was God confirmation

spk_0 It was like we just hit it off and then you propose like at my car

spk_0 Go through my slather you went to a conference

spk_0 In front of everybody

spk_0 Yeah

spk_0 And yeah

spk_0 And I had to get all that stuff taken care behind the scene without knowing what not going through a family going through a pistol

spk_0 It was an earthquake and getting the ring and all that it was just but God worked it all out the day that I got her ring

spk_0 Her favorite song start playing in the in the jury shot. I love this time and it was just I said God you

spk_0 You you hear you

spk_0 Thank you

spk_0 I'm literally as soon as the lady came back she said you been approved because I mean like I said

spk_0 I'm trying to get back on my feet. Yeah, I try to get a ring

spk_0 Yeah, and I mean got a nice one, you know

spk_0 Yeah, she came back she said sir, you been approved and the first one I saw I was like that's the one

spk_0 And that song started playing. I was like thank you, Lord. I called my best friend. I said man. I'm about to do it

spk_0 He said what you about to do what

spk_0 He said boy you just he said man you serious on you. I said yeah

spk_0 He said man, you know, I'm down. I'm with you. Right with you. So he's about to do what that was the best proposal situation

spk_0 I mean

spk_0 To do it on a public platform it that to me I just saw God and then my spiritual father was there my natural father was there

spk_0 You know and it was just I it was happening and I'm seeing my life and say God like me like and to give me

spk_0 What I mean? I said all the time like you gave me such a good like the way he loved me and know

spk_0 The how to capacity the you know, let's take a good strong man and even be able to carry somebody's story like that, you know

spk_0 Um and not make me feel weird or off and it's just

spk_0 I was blown away that day that he proposed and even after the proposal

spk_0 We talked something and maybe next year we gonna get married, you know

spk_0 You're later and just enjoying it. We were talking and I think I said about when we

spk_0 We talked about the day and he was like what like December my like I told them

spk_0 This is the next view

spk_0 Yeah, and I was like wow, okay

spk_0 Whoa

spk_0 And we decided on January 7th as being some significant numbers of the new beginning of the year and all of that

spk_0 And we had a beautiful fairy tale where no was at uh it on a state

spk_0 In Tom ball it was just

spk_0 Immatulate it was just it was a fairy tale and but only God could give me

spk_0 What he gave me to be a bride a beautiful bride and have my husband and all it was just it was

spk_0 Toa, huh my mom passed in 21. Oh wow

spk_0 Oh, yeah, but my dad was there, but I know my mom she always saw this she would always say this and I didn't think I could have a

spk_0 Uh husband that reminded me of my granddaddy like my granddaddy was the best man I ever known

spk_0 And I tell him all the time your nature

spk_0 So I know like my mom heard prayers and when she put in the earth and decree

spk_0 It was established it had to come to pass. So what what was your relationship with your uh like with your dad

spk_0 We like best friends like my dad, you know, he went through his own things in life uh in and out of prison

spk_0 You know had some substance use, but he was consistent with when he was around he was around

spk_0 And so even now like we talk all the time we very close um got a very very very close relationship

spk_0 And for him to come and be a part of the wedding and walk me down the aisle

spk_0 You can't make this stuff. So what did he think when he saw you in one season?

spk_0 Um

spk_0 masculine presenting and now you're

spk_0 Feminine so I don't think he really understood as much as my mom like my dad just you know, it's like didn't even know

spk_0 Honestly, I don't even know if I did like put like I don't like he wouldn't like that like to even pay attention

spk_0 I never thought of that wow, I gotta ask

spk_0 Like you know

spk_0 So now he just see me always see me as like so feel like never it was never nothing

spk_0 No, that's I got a ponder on that you gotta ask and say that did you know I used to uh

spk_0 Be a stud

spk_0 What's a third

spk_0 Before he said moochie moochie

spk_0 I can't be like mochi you was a

spk_0 And so let me ask you this Tommy. How did you accept her

spk_0 Testimony

spk_0 It was easy because that's a past and that's what people

spk_0 Get it misconstrued and just like oh you gotta remember she went through it. Okay. We all done went through something

spk_0 We all have a past why should I have to bring that up why should I have to look at her differently because she lived that lifestyle

spk_0 We got to stop doing that as people

spk_0 Because we do that too much. We want to focus on what they did in the past

spk_0 But look at her now

spk_0 Chris Brown said he said look at me now. Yeah

spk_0 My John's like

spk_0 Now I know y'all on me

spk_0 That was in the Bible. I think that was an exodus three

spk_0 That was an imbit

spk_0 Uh, let me ask you this real quick. So were you able to see yourself as redeemed as easily as he was able to like

spk_0 Were you nervous to be like okay? I gotta tell him about my past. So you just like

spk_0 Yeah, no, I and the best thing was I was already on social media because I I've always been very transparent

spk_0 Um and sharing my story and and talking about it and pretty candid about it. So

spk_0 He he had already went through like he went through the old tig tock

spk_0 So I'm talking about that man was at the bottom liking stuff when I'm like my god

spk_0 You're gonna look at everything

spk_0 I'm investigating

spk_0 I'm getting myself into he said I saw all your videos. He saw it all facts. So you're surprised by nothing

spk_0 Your friends and get your hard time

spk_0 They actually and that's the crazy thing that is the part that

spk_0 Everybody that's in my circle inner circle

spk_0 Even from my even from my exes family. They said time you deserve what you're getting right now really

spk_0 It was crazy because the day that

spk_0 That's made that let's come on now. Sorry

spk_0 So we're talking you know with before we you know

spk_0 Social medialy you make it known right

spk_0 Uh, my exes aren't call me and she said who you dating?

spk_0 I'm saying it was funny because we just talked about this

spk_0 And I said well, you know, let me so I call her and I'm talking, you know, hey my aunt even she's asking you about

spk_0 Listen that and she said you can tell that said yeah, I mean, I don't know how

spk_0 These phones work before I can even get it

spk_0 Said she's screaming calling me. I'm so happy for you. You deserve it. I'm that is perfect

spk_0 She is perfect y'all are perfectly each other. She said Tommy. You're so deserving of this

spk_0 And it was just like for my best friend. She'll ex-wife's aunt. Yeah

spk_0 She but here the credit thing is went right

spk_0 So and this is another thing I knew that she really loved

spk_0 me and she loved the situation

spk_0 Was dating and she said since that's happening

spk_0 You need to go see her and I said I don't have

spk_0 I said I'm I don't have no money

spk_0 She said don't worry about that. She says all me. She said pay me when you get a chance

spk_0 She bought your plane ticket. Yes

spk_0 That's what I'm talking about. Yeah

spk_0 Oh lord Jesus

spk_0 Because he needed to be catching flights and stuff like and feelings

spk_0 If you caught the feelings I love you you're probably gonna be my wife like Ty reason baby boy

spk_0 Oh my god

spk_0 I love you you probably gonna be my wife

spk_0 So so you as a waste of no time. No sir. And that's another thing. I I didn't want her to you know

spk_0 Listen, I'm I'm me and I I have preferences. I'm 49 years old. I'm a grown man. Yeah, we're not doing this

spk_0 The no five-year relationships. No, I don't hey to each of them

spk_0 I had to let her know that I'm serious. I'm not just out here. Oh, Willie nilly

spk_0 Just trying to say oh you my fiancee and then string you long for three years now. We're gonna

spk_0 We're gonna we're gonna get this done and we're gonna put a ring on it

spk_0 And we're gonna set a date and we'll let we gotta do it right

spk_0 What have you heard Sophia from maybe women that you've dealt with in the past when you posted on social media

spk_0 I'm married now. What kind of feedback were you getting from them? Oh so many people is excited like

spk_0 The support because people knew my story

spk_0 And just you know saw my life

spk_0 And they were excited for me and and then um

spk_0 And then after a while, you know the excitement nobody prepares me for the transitions

spk_0 You know

spk_0 Because you know one of the things I think that was very important for me like

spk_0 Because when I was single and you know

spk_0 Traveling preaching and having some amazing opportunities or being a seen as a leader

spk_0 it was just

spk_0 Everybody loved that version of Sophia, you know, I was available. I'm I'm a girls girl

spk_0 You hit me up. I got you, you know, but then when I got married

spk_0 I was very intentional especially the first year to make sure that he knew he was first like

spk_0 And that meant even with

spk_0 Relationships with traveling. I made sure like he was a part of like hey, you know how you feel about this and including him because

spk_0 It was important for him to know that even though I am this strong leader. I want to be submitted. Can you leave?

spk_0 And so um, I've done that in that it was a lot of transitions and a lot of challenges and then there was

spk_0 You know, you post your man or it's your man. Listen

spk_0 I'm happy and I'm excited and

spk_0 Hey, I don't say something about you postman. Oh man. They'll get mad like it's like getting real weird for a minute

spk_0 You know, it's starting to bring a balance in but what I tell people is I was posting when I was at my mom house

spk_0 On the blow up bed ugly green carpet in the hood. Yeah, so if you really follow me go watch some OU faithful videos

spk_0 This is like I'm showing out now. Yeah, I was doing this when I was saying going long and lonely for a minute

spk_0 Hey, he's a part of my life. What are people?

spk_0 Where are people like that though?

spk_0 So y'all got something to say it's like

spk_0 So you ain't supposed to post and if you didn't post it like well that bad every relationship ain't real

spk_0 Yeah, what's going on? She won't post them. I guess they on the outside. I guess they ain't gonna make it you like

spk_0 Well, I'm trying to keep this private what she keeping private what she hiding for what they

spk_0 They always speculate

spk_0 So much because people that are that want to breed toxicity

spk_0 They're always you can never do too much for the wrong people. Yeah, they'll just they'll just

spk_0 Keep trying to find fault in whatever you try to do um

spk_0 But then you been private how do you feel about that about her post you? I don't mind

spk_0 He probably like that. I'm all he said I'm not gonna change. I'm happy

spk_0 You know, and I'm happy with her and if you don't have a problem with it if you do have problem

spk_0 That's fine

spk_0 My what I have today what I say today is

spk_0 Your opinion of me doesn't pay my bills. So whatever you do. Well, however you think that's fine

spk_0 But we we're happy we doing our thing we we're gonna post. I know she does it. I'm getting into it and I love it. Yeah

spk_0 Ha

spk_0 Listen

spk_0 I like that

spk_0 I like to trip out I don't want that not heavy where we talking about this heavy subject matter and everybody feels sad

spk_0 No, no, this is a happy thing. It's delivers

spk_0 You and get people like you said this is an episode. I've never done before and so I don't know what people are gonna say

spk_0 You know people be like like you said

spk_0 Saying that you wasn't truly gay

spk_0 About the stuff that was so funny

spk_0 I don't think that guy thought I was gonna love that comment the way I did he thought he hit with that one and I'm like

spk_0 Boy, that's crazy. That's hilarious. She here. That's a story time

spk_0 I don't study myself raise a little that is funny though, but like those conversations. I like conversations at spark

spk_0 Conversation and dialogue

spk_0 has your

spk_0 Transformation deliverance

spk_0 Sparked deliverance and people that you should deal with in the past. Oh man. It is so beautiful. Sure some of those testimonies

spk_0 Yeah, it's so beautiful like I have

spk_0 mentees who have helped disciple through the process in such a way that I think that I've had the grace

spk_0 To tell them like if God began a good working you he's gonna complete it to help take some of that false pressure off of people

spk_0 Because when you give your life to the Lord and it's dealing with you know

spk_0 Coming out of home a sexuality especially if your identity, you know with somehow compromise

spk_0 I just really try to um be a source to tell them you know trust guy

spk_0 leading by example giving them books. I have books. I have courses and just really help people and then I'm actually

spk_0 Uh

spk_0 Helping a young lady right now who's walking through a process and you know you got questions, you know

spk_0 Hit me up. I'll help you navigate through those challenging spaces because I didn't have that you know

spk_0 And so I just make myself available without judgment. I don't judge anybody. I don't you know speak down

spk_0 I don't condemn people to hell. I don't make people feel bad. I I really have

spk_0 um

spk_0 The heart of God to say hey trust God you give your life to Jesus

spk_0 Trust that the helper gonna help you he'll need a guide you to all truth

spk_0 So how to help people is maybe like well, this is my truth. I'm living my truth

spk_0 When you give your life to Jesus one of the promises is Holy Spirit leads you into truth

spk_0 So whatever deception you have in your process

spk_0 That truth will be revealed and so we gotta be more patient. Yes

spk_0 Giving people grace. Yes to journey whale to journey with God not interrupt the person process

spk_0 Like people was trying to put me prematurely

spk_0 Outrely to look

spk_0 Delivered for their comfort for their confirmation. That's good. She said but they're confident. Yeah, and there was like no

spk_0 I'm going to follow God because my appearance wasn't the confirmation of my freedom

spk_0 My marriage isn't the confirmation. There are a lot of people that's married and still struggle

spk_0 So that's that's just he doesn't confirm my freedom my relationship with Jesus

spk_0 Is the confirmation

spk_0 And you can question that I met a woman who was married and

spk_0 Her husband didn't know I remember I met her and I told her first conversation. I said

spk_0 I think your friend that you keep saying that's your friend. That's your see that's your private lover

spk_0 She said I know where did you know that I said God just told me that and she said

spk_0 Nobody knows that she said if my husband knew that he would lose it

spk_0 Here it is married and has a woman that nobody was especially feminine woman all that and no one would

spk_0 Suspect that that's a lover her her her close friend and so like you saying to your point that makes all the sense in the world

spk_0 I can I can play this beside you can put your dress on put makeup on look all like that

spk_0 And still be struggling internally and still be doing

spk_0 Messing with women still but for the church it looks like oh she did look at what God did she so

spk_0 So that when you really walk the other delivers is 100% for real you know fully so I hear what you saying which gave me a different level of knowledge because I would

spk_0 Assume the same thing if I start seeing you still walking around like that and I'd be like she saved still

spk_0 Did you need to get dipped in a pool a little bit more you know couple more times you know saying I would be I mean wondering

spk_0 I'd be like why is she still doing that

spk_0 But now you've given me even more understanding so that even when I see men coming out that lifestyle the manager the

spk_0 Manorisms, you know, they still be holding onto those manorisms and then you go like and then you speak something like

spk_0 He's still gay. Yeah, you know what that person is you know

spk_0 And then if you're if that person hears you say that and they go

spk_0 But God, I'm not anymore. What what are they seeing? Well, I guess it's easier for me to go back into his lifestyle

spk_0 Because I'm not accepted by the church

spk_0 And so I love what you're saying. So I want this to be a

spk_0 Challenge for Christians out there that when you're seeing people walking through their deliverance and

spk_0 Any and everything they're walking through you may have somebody that comes straight straight from the streets

spk_0 They come to the church. They still smell like we but they just gave it like the Christ two weeks ago

spk_0 You know talk to that person still show them love. Hey listen, you know wrong wasn't built overnight and my my journey

spk_0 She when God was delivering me from stuff it happened in process

spk_0 It wasn't like I just came up and I just walked around and I'm just saved sanctified feel the Holy Ghost speaking in tongues on the day

spk_0 I accept the Jesus Christ as my personal or savior

spk_0 It was process and in that process took long some of these processes even God delivering me from

spk_0 pre-marital sex and fornication that took years. I even know to even pray that prayer

spk_0 You know, I prayed that prayer for the first time in in in 2020 and December

spk_0 I was like my body got value. I'm supposed to wait. I never heard that conversation had I never knew that at all

spk_0 So I was like, okay, my body has value. I ain't supposed to be

spk_0 Fornicating wow, how am I supposed to do that? You know what I'm saying? Why would I stop doing that? That was the first question

spk_0 Why would I stop doing that? I'm a grown man. I have knees and God began to start changing me from the inside out

spk_0 And then when I started sharing that story about hey, I've been absent for seven eight months and then if I fall off

spk_0 I'll share that story about past and told me something so wise

spk_0 Which I don't talk about anymore of my absence journey or whatever

spk_0 But I stopped saying that for you for the last year. He said I want you to

spk_0 He'll privately and grow publicly

spk_0 He said everybody don't need to hear that journey. He said you said it enough. You showed your vulnerability

spk_0 You showed your transparency. I want you to heal privately and grow publicly

spk_0 That's amazing and so when when now when you share your testimony you'd be like, oh, yeah, I'm not married

spk_0 And God did this and we were able to do this in our marriage and you share that after the fact

spk_0 But don't share people that you know, you've done that enough. Don't share it while you're in process

spk_0 That was the greatest advice you ever share with me shout out to pastor Evan Connor

spk_0 We went where you shared that past Evan Connor. You know that is. Yeah. Oh, yeah

spk_0 That's my problem

spk_0 And so when he shared that I was like okay makes a lot of sense I'll walk in that honor that

spk_0 But again because a lot of people don't give grace for what you're talking about they be like

spk_0 She's doing it. Yeah, and it's a sanctification process

spk_0 But I and I also can I just speak to I want to speak to any young lady or a young man

spk_0 That have given a life to Jesus and you still trying to figure out how to

spk_0 Walk out the process of the identity part of whether it's the masculinity femininity and sometimes it's often that

spk_0 You want to hold on to the image because of the fear of what you're going to look like

spk_0 And the shame that's connected to but I've always lived my life this way

spk_0 I want you know, I get you I see you and I understand but I do want to encourage you trust God

spk_0 Oh, babe God leaning to God. Don't stop the process continue to walk this thing out and stand on if he began to good working you

spk_0 He's gonna complete it God never start nothing that he don't intend on finishing and I want to just encourage you to

spk_0 Enjoy the process because on the other side of

spk_0 That total transformation of you surrender and yielding your entire being to God is a whole new life

spk_0 And so I just want to encourage you that God got you

spk_0 Well, Sophia, why don't you just keep cooking go ahead and and and and bring them to Christ go ahead and do it all to come

spk_0 Yeah, so and also if you don't know Jesus as your personal savior

spk_0 Let me tell you one of the greatest things that I could have ever done in my life was make the confession and give my life to Jesus

spk_0 I simply just ask him coming to my life coming to my heart

spk_0 I want to be born again and I kept on acknowledging to God

spk_0 I feel like a a mess like what could you do with my life? I'm terrible

spk_0 I felt so far from God and God told me that before he formed me and my mother's womb he knew me many of you

spk_0 You've been known you've been pre-ordained for a new before God formed you in place on your mother's womb

spk_0 He had already sanctified you set you apart

spk_0 There's an ancient word that I've been spoken over your life

spk_0 There's a destiny for you and I just declared that as you give your life to Jesus

spk_0 He's gonna send you help which is the holy spirit and holy spirit is gonna lead you

spk_0 He's gonna guide you he'll never leave you or forsake you and I want you to just hold on the God and every time

spk_0 You feel like God is far from you for you to just say God you said in your word

spk_0 You're never leave me or forsake me the benefit of salvation is not just eternal life

spk_0 The benefit of salvation is so that you can maximize the fullness of your

spk_0 Potential your purpose and your assignment in which God is sent you into the earth

spk_0 And so I want to invite you to ask Jesus to come into your life in your heart

spk_0 Be born again once you walk out of the kingdom of darkness into the kingdom of light

spk_0 God is going I'm telling you it's gonna be such such a new life that's gonna come upon you

spk_0 I'm telling you gonna look at yourself. You're gonna say I never even imagined this for me

spk_0 I didn't even know that this could be my life. I never saw this version of me

spk_0 Unfolding trust God. I just released the grace and the faith over you

spk_0 And I declared that as you come to Jesus many of you gonna be testifying and God's gonna use your story now and in the days to come

spk_0 Amen. Amen and amen again. How can we support you off? What y'all got going on?

spk_0 Social media accounts drop that what you got going on. I just dropped a new book which I'm very excited about

spk_0 My new book just dropped called it will be God it will be God and I saw the little funny real that you kept saying him say he'll be God

spk_0 Yeah, somebody says me what does that mean? It simply will be God because I feel like God has already declared a purpose over all of us before time

spk_0 and

spk_0 Anything you going through that when you trust God he gonna see you through any situation and I saw how me just declared

spk_0 I just made that decree it would be God or it would be God during the time that

spk_0 I lost my mom and that meant I just trust God either way it go

spk_0 It will be God concerning if I ever get married and hit that brother can

spk_0 It would be God as a powerful decree that you don't got to worry about nothing. It will be God. So please get the book. It will be God

spk_0 Huh, what about you time man? I know you said you about to get more active on social media

spk_0 Yes, you know people to follow you

spk_0 I'm pretty active on tic tac. Okay, yeah, sir. You want people to follow you. Yeah. All right. What's your IG tell them?

spk_0 Tita 14 14

spk_0 Tita 14 14 yes, sir and what's your Sophia?

spk_0 Your girl's self on ag and Sophia roughing out everything

spk_0 It'll be links and the description for y'all to easily click on it follow them

spk_0 Support them pray over this amazing couple

spk_0 Y'all go ahead and just give it up for my my homies the willsus

spk_0 Stay tuned to the end for a letter to my future wifey

spk_0 Ladarian

spk_0 Thrust it suddenly into child protective services in 2015

spk_0 my nephew

spk_0 black

spk_0 A boy the likelihood of being adopted outside of kinship

spk_0 slim the none

spk_0 Armand

spk_0 16 years old black a boy with five years in the foster care system before I even knew his name

spk_0 The likelihood of ever been adopted

spk_0 Yep, you guessed it

spk_0 slim to none

spk_0 While Ladarian and Armand were trying to survive and barely thrive in an overpopulated and underfunded foster care system

spk_0 Living my own life doing well professionally

spk_0 Having been a single father with the daughter who at that point was doing well in college

spk_0 It was my time to live my life right

spk_0 wrong

spk_0 I felt unsettled

spk_0 tireless agitated

spk_0 There are just too many of our black children stuck in ambiguity and in the limbo of the foster care system

spk_0 In 2017 I legally adopted my nephew Ladarian

spk_0 Fast forward to 2019 I had no ties to this other young king but I felt God instructing me to adopt them also an albe

spk_0 Starting over with parenting should have been enough right working with various foster care and adoption agencies to help bring awareness

spk_0 To the countless young black kings and the foster care system should have decreased my agitation right

spk_0 Join the board of directors of advanced adoption and organization that helps find permanent adoptive homes for children and foster care

spk_0 Should have led to some type of resolve right no

spk_0 Not at all

spk_0 None of it felt like I had done enough

spk_0 I now realize

spk_0 That every one of those experiences was land the fundamental foundation for my life submission

spk_0 kingdom royale

spk_0 Kingdom royale would be a luxury state of the art home for foster boys our first location will be in the Dallas Fort Worth Metroplex

spk_0 We will utilize the whole person approach that instills identity empowers them to advocate for themselves

spk_0 And enlightens them regarding new perspectives and limitless options that they thought were impossible

spk_0 Though the young kings will attend the local public schools that are in proximity to kingdom royale

spk_0 Our at home curriculum will broaden their worldview through participating in the arts

spk_0 Attending various cultural events

spk_0 Learning about and engaging in multi-faceted discussions about current events and even relevant historical context

spk_0 Introducing them to gardening and landscaping and even caring for our animals on our farm and on site stables

spk_0 We just launched our startup capital campaign with the goal of raising $2.8 million now why $2.8 million

spk_0 Well in 2017 I created a web series in which I performed random acts of kindness for targeting the homeless community

spk_0 One of the most notable successes was that one of the videos went viral garnering 28 million views

spk_0 However, one of my biggest regrets is that I didn't raise a single dollar to help in implementing a more sustainable plan for the homeless community

spk_0 So throughout the years

spk_0 With much remorse I reflect that I'm not maximizing that moment

spk_0 I knew if at that time just 10% of the viewers donated one dollar

spk_0 We would have raised at least $2.8 million that could have really established long-term support for the homeless community

spk_0 Or at least started a long-term initiative to do so

spk_0 This is my do-over

spk_0 This is our new beginning

spk_0 Together we can attack this at the root by specifically helping our homeless black boys who are already

spk_0 disproportionately represented in the American foster care system

spk_0 I'm the Teresaur Wefield. I've been nominated for three regional Emmys documented my work with the homeless as well as my personal adoption journey

spk_0 Despite those accolades

spk_0 The greatest award for me is truly providing the infrastructure for a transformed life

spk_0 Visit KingdomWarrior.com for more details

spk_0 Crown a King and make a donation today

spk_0 Wasn't this episode absolutely amazing

spk_0 I love when I can just chop it up and have conversations

spk_0 The add a wrinkle to my own brain never had a conversation on their future wifey podcasts of that subject matter

spk_0 So it was very refreshing to have that conversation shout out to Sophia

spk_0 for

spk_0 Being willing to have that conversation and Tommy for giving her the space and grace to

spk_0 Have that conversation in front of him

spk_0 Well, here's my favorite part of the podcast where I speak to my future wifey

spk_0 Dear future wifey the world will always have something to say some will cheer us on

spk_0 Others will criticize what they don't understand, but I promise you this

spk_0 I will never let the noise of public opinion drown out the melody of our love

spk_0 You and I are a team bound by covenant not by commentary

spk_0 My job isn't to defend us to the world is to protect us from the world

spk_0 I'll cover you in prayer

spk_0 Shield you with my words and hold you steady

spk_0 When outside voices grow loud you'll never have to wonder who side I'm on

spk_0 I it'll always be ours our love our union our journey

spk_0 We will build a fortress of trust

spk_0 So strong that no opinion can penetrate it our intimacy will be our safe place our bond the proof that truth outweighs gossip

spk_0 And when the pressure mounts will stand back to back

spk_0 Knowing that together we are unshakable

spk_0 So let them talk let them speculate let them judge from afar as long as we keep protecting each other

spk_0 Their words will never hold power over us

spk_0 Well, God our names no man can counsel your future hubby

spk_0 I hope you enjoyed this episode of the dear future wifey podcast remember be lit live

spk_0 Intentionally and transparently and don't stop loving make sure to subscribe to our dear future wifey youtube channel

spk_0 Revealable apple podcast google podcast Spotify and Stitcher. Welcome your support simply share our podcast with your friends and family

Redeemed by Love (Guests: Tommy & Sophia Ruffin-Wilson)

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