Releasing Anxiety from the Body

Interactive Transcript

spk_0 Hello, you sweet soul. I have a question for you. Do you ever feel like your heart is just so

spk_0 sensitive? Like you want to love deeply and you have all this love and care, but when someone has

spk_0 the smallest shift in their tone or there's a delay in their reply or you feel left out of plans,

spk_0 it sends you into all of this self-doubt and a place that you know is low self-worth.

spk_0 Maybe you've had this experience and it certainly does not mean that you are too sensitive or

spk_0 that there's something wrong with you, but it might mean that your nervous system is carrying

spk_0 old patterns from childhood of hypervigilance that you had to pick up in which you

spk_0 specifically were able to track the needs and the emotions of everyone around you.

spk_0 And it creates this sensitivity within us where we have started to link our worth and our

spk_0 okeness to other people's okeness. But I want you to know that it's possible to feel much more

spk_0 safe, much more at ease in yourself and who you are, much more steady, and also able to be

spk_0 taken care of without shutting down who you are or without collapsing or without freezing.

spk_0 And that is one of the reasons that I created becoming secure in my women's group. It's a community

spk_0 where women who are all quite sensitive, even the most high-achieving, confident at work,

spk_0 but struggling in relationships, you are all quite sensitive beings. That's why you can even tell

spk_0 that you are having an experience of anxiety. And so it's where women learn to regulate your body

spk_0 and stop this spiraling and sit strong through a trigger and feel held in a relationship.

spk_0 So inside this community you're going to get a lot of somatic tools that help you

spk_0 calm your system. One of the most popular parts of this community is the guided somatic practices,

spk_0 which the women in there listen to on repeat every day, they plug in with their headphones or

spk_0 listen to it in the morning or in the evening. And honestly it just blows my mind how many times

spk_0 people are listening to them and using them and loving them and wanting more. So there's a lot

spk_0 of guided somatic practices in Europe. There's also live calls, live Q&A calls with me,

spk_0 live workshops with me, and also just the general sense of being in a group of women where you

spk_0 get to be like, oh my gosh, I'm not alone. So your first seven days of becoming secure are free,

spk_0 which means an entire week to soak up all the content you want in there and then you can decide

spk_0 if you want to stay for the rest of the month. You can start now, there's a link in the show notes,

spk_0 just look for becoming secure. Now let's get into today's episode.

spk_0 Hello, welcome back to another episode of the Healing Anxious Attachment Podcast. Today we're

spk_0 going to narrow back in on anxiety itself. So I host this membership called Becoming Secure,

spk_0 you might have heard me talk about it. And in that membership we go very, very deep and specific

spk_0 to Healing Anxious Attachment, the subconscious patterns of our attachment system, the different

spk_0 dynamics that we might play out in relationships or friendships with our family. And then at a certain

spk_0 point there's this opportunity to expand that discussion into a lot of different directions because

spk_0 what we are ultimately trying to create is a deep connection to self and also on some levels

spk_0 energetic mastery. And when I say that it means being able to track our internal experience so

spk_0 closely that it doesn't get to have a grip on us, that we don't get triggered by the outside world

spk_0 constantly, that we're not sort of at the the whim of our internal mental drama or fears or worries.

spk_0 And there's a lot of different pathways to access that. So for example, in September in the

spk_0 membership hour, monthly theme is called WOOM Connection. And that might seem like a reach

spk_0 from Healing Anxious Attachment, but actually I think that a body connection is so so important.

spk_0 And specifically sometimes we're often severed from our pelvis and our wound. Anyway, that is the

spk_0 zoom out. But we're zooming in to talk about anxiety and releasing anxiety from your body, which

spk_0 might look different than releasing anxiety from my body or releasing anxiety from another wonderful

spk_0 woman who's listening to this podcast at the exact same time as you. And so we're going to

spk_0 take a look at it from a mental level, a physical body level, an emotional level, a subconscious level.

spk_0 And before we get into it, I want to start by just inviting you to anchor your awareness into

spk_0 yourself in this moment or at least into the present moment. And one of my favorite ways to

spk_0 bring our awareness to the present moment is through your senses. So without necessarily even

spk_0 needing to close your eyes, although you can do that if you're in a suitable environment.

spk_0 I want you to just really tune into your sense of sound right now. And as you do that,

spk_0 your brain is going to compensate and drop some other details maybe from sight or feeling,

spk_0 but you're just going to tune into what you can hear. You're noticing my voice. Obviously,

spk_0 does it feel close to you? Is it coming from your Bluetooth speaker in the corner? Am I right here

spk_0 in your headphones? Maybe you hear another sound in the background, traffic or birds?

spk_0 Just noticing what you can hear for a breath. And then I want you to notice what you can feel.

spk_0 Maybe pressure of a chair, a bench somewhere you're seated, maybe the cement or the grass beneath your

spk_0 feet. Bringing your awareness to your sense of touch in this moment.

spk_0 And maybe pairing that with a bit of a deeper inhale and exhale.

spk_0 And then taking a few seconds to tune into your sense of sight.

spk_0 So if your eyes are closed, you can open them. They're open. Starting to notice what you're seeing,

spk_0 whether it's the traffic in front of you. I felt familiar space in your home.

spk_0 And just expanding, checking in on the area all around your peripheral as well.

spk_0 Maybe noticing details that you knew were there, but are now noticing with more specific

spk_0 details. And then I want you to take another breath and just feel within your body. Again,

spk_0 eyes open or closed. Seeing if you can identify a place in your own body that right now feels pretty

spk_0 at ease. Where already feels calm and grounded. And if you're coming into this episode from a neutral

spk_0 place of curiosity that might feel very easy to identify, might feel like your whole body is

spk_0 relatively relaxed. But if you're coming to this episode because you're currently feeling quite

spk_0 anxious. And I just want you to notice how, whether about anxiety is active in your chest or your mind,

spk_0 your stomach, but there still may be a place in your body that's already at ease and calm.

spk_0 And it might just be your hands. Maybe it's your face, your jaw.

spk_0 Your root.

spk_0 I'm just letting your awareness rest where there is peace.

spk_0 And you're just breathing into this and allowing that to be an anchor for you.

spk_0 A place to send your breath, a place to bring your awareness to,

spk_0 especially when we get lost in the busyness of the mind. Can you check back in here?

spk_0 Or maybe find a different place in your body depending on the moment that already feels still

spk_0 unstable and grounded.

spk_0 I'm just setting the intention to keep your awareness in this place as we move into the rest of

spk_0 the episode. It's probably going to be a fairly, heavy episode, fairly information based as

spk_0 podcast episodes tend to be. And if you can receive this information from this place of feeling

spk_0 in the present moment here with me, here with yourself and grounded, it's going to land

spk_0 much, much better than if we are meeting the information from a really distracted or anxious place.

spk_0 So one of the first things that I want to assay to you about anxiety is that all stimulation

spk_0 needs to be released. So our body is not designed to hold stress indefinitely.

spk_0 And it takes energy to hold on to old stressors and it takes energy to hold on to traumatic

spk_0 situations and it takes energy to suppress emotions. And the small list that I just gave you,

spk_0 you know, these are maybe bigger, more intense events. But on a day-to-day basis, we are so, so,

spk_0 so stimulated in this world, whether it's scrolling through social media and having 15 different

spk_0 concepts put into your mind in the matter of one minute or simultaneously having your emails

spk_0 sending you notifications all day and your text messages and being really aware of other people's

spk_0 current reality through their Instagram stories. Plus, just your daily tasks, whether that's work

spk_0 or taking care of children, maintaining household, there is just so much going on in our environment.

spk_0 And our mind, our brain does a really good job of trying to sort through all that stimulation

spk_0 and take in only what is important. But not very often are we giving ourselves time to be with a

spk_0 blank canvas. Sometimes people joke they just want to stare at a wall like they just wish there was

spk_0 blank space all around them. And so the reason that I say this is just to highlight this idea that

spk_0 all stimulation needs to be released. And if we think about animals for a moment, they're pretty,

spk_0 so I'm not sure if I've used this example on this podcast before, but if you were to see a lion

spk_0 chasing after an antelope and the antelope doesn't actually get captured like it outruns the lion

spk_0 or something happens, it probably will have this moment of shaking after because it's moving all

spk_0 of that adrenaline and that fear and the stress of the body. So it will sort of compulsively shake it

spk_0 when you do the standing upper line down. And after a few minutes, it literally shakes it off and it can return to normal and be calm.

spk_0 You might have a dog at home that sometimes gets the zoomies and just spontaneously runs around the house

spk_0 in an effort to expel some energy. You see kids getting really hyper sometimes or really agitated sometimes.

spk_0 And it's again because they're trying to release stimulation. This is even happening in little little babies.

spk_0 Obviously babies are super sensitive to all of the stimulation of their environment and so they get overwhelmed easily

spk_0 and they need soothing and calmness and presence from their mom in order to release that and find their

spk_0 their body's way back to balance. So when I tell you all stimulation needs to be released, I want you to

spk_0 consider how you release stimulation from your body or do you release stimulation from your body.

spk_0 So sleep in its own way can be a way to kind of reset and balance.

spk_0 Breathing can be a really simple way to release stimulation from the body.

spk_0 But there are probably more effective ways like dancing, shaking, jumping around.

spk_0 And if you ever see reels or posts on social media about people doing somatic exercises and they

spk_0 like look a little bit crazy and they're dancing in this very you know ecstatic way that's a little

spk_0 bit weird or they're yeah shaking, jumping around. As I said, there might be a part of you that goes

spk_0 oh my gosh that's weird, that's really childish. But what I would invite you to explore is trying it

spk_0 so that you can feel how it actually feels for your body. And like I said at the very beginning,

spk_0 releasing anxiety for you might be different from the next person. I really like shaking my legs

spk_0 and shaking my lower body because my energy tends to come up and be in my chest and my head a lot

spk_0 because I'm an intellectual person and I like to you know use my intellect to teach. But it means

spk_0 that I'm not as often in my lower body until I take the time to either use my breath and use my

spk_0 awareness or actually physically move my body in order to kind of wake up that area of the body.

spk_0 So let's go into the bulk of what I wanted to talk about in terms of releasing anxiety on the

spk_0 the mind level, the body level and the emotional level. And I guess one more thing before I go into

spk_0 that is the reason that I'm telling you that all stimulation needs to be released is to kind of

spk_0 validate that we live in a very anxiety provoking world. Okay, there's many many many reasons why you

spk_0 would be an anxious person. Most have nothing to do with you. Some of them are definitely loops

spk_0 running in your subconscious due to conditioning, potentially due to how your mother felt when she

spk_0 was pregnant, even how your grandmother felt while she was pregnant, the world you were born into,

spk_0 the house that you were raised in, the society you live in. So it can be a very very deep pattern

spk_0 that the body runs. And if you can believe that almost none of it has to do with actually you,

spk_0 who you actually are, or even necessarily the circumstances of your life, that can be a very

spk_0 freeing thought. And then we can sort of see anxiety as not an enemy, not something that is,

spk_0 you know, here to torture us, but instead as a signal. So that's kind of your first mental

spk_0 mind level perspective shift. That anxiety comes as a signal to us that the body is just feeling

spk_0 imbalanced. So you probably feel anxious if you've been sitting in front of your computer for

spk_0 a really long time or scrolling on social media for a really long time. And it's just your body

spk_0 saying, okay, I need to shift this energy now. What can we do about that? Can we change our focus?

spk_0 Can we move around? Do we need to take a shower or a bath? There's so many ways that we can

spk_0 shift that energy, but it really is just energy trying to move from the body.

spk_0 Anxiety also in the mind often comes from us trying to cling to certainty, to have control,

spk_0 to be in a, how do I want to say that? Sort of a conflict with our expectations. Expectations

spk_0 can unfortunately be a little bit of a dangerous setup before creating anxiety. And at the same time,

spk_0 our mind will always create expectations because we always want to have control. But if you have a

spk_0 practice of just trying to flow with change, flow with the reality of the moment that you're in

spk_0 and accepting that instead of letting your mind fight with the reality that's already here,

spk_0 this in itself can already release a lot of anxiety. So I'm always going to create an idea of how I

spk_0 want a scenario to be. And because we want to feel good, we'll probably make that idea very

spk_0 shiny and perfect. And you know, I'm imagining that I'm going to go in this walk and there's

spk_0 going to be no wind and it's going to be quiet and peaceful and then I get out there and there's

spk_0 traffic and there's honking and people are being annoying and people are walking slowly in front of me.

spk_0 And if I let that moment create stress and anxiety in my body, I am the only one that's having

spk_0 about experience because of that. If I meet that moment with the ability to drop the expectations

spk_0 that I was holding and instead just be there with the quote annoying circumstances, which could

spk_0 just not be annoying and just meet them with reality, I might already be able to be in less of a

spk_0 battle with the expectation versus reality. Something to consider in terms of anxiety and the

spk_0 mind is a practice that's called an environment scan. So what I want you to do is just consider your

spk_0 general environment and notice what stimulates your nervous system digitally, socially, physically.

spk_0 Maybe you have a habit of rushing into work and not doing the dishes right away. I'm actually

spk_0 beautiful sunlight but I'm seeing this clutter on the counter. It's causing a stimulation that I

spk_0 don't actually need. I could be making that a much more peaceful experience. These are really,

spk_0 really little things. So noticing what's stimulating your nervous system, social media is going to be a big one

spk_0 and is there a way to clean up your digital social and physical environments in order to just take off

spk_0 some of that stimulation. This is probably one of the easiest interventions that we can do because

spk_0 it feels good to take care of these things. It feels good to be in peaceful environments and when I

spk_0 start talking about anxiety on the subconscious level, that's when there's deeper and harder work.

spk_0 So I highly recommend you take this example and see what you can do to help slow down the stimulation

spk_0 that's coming into you from your environment. So although you know, unless this is your first time

spk_0 listening to an episode, you know that I am all about the body. This so man, this is why I talk about

spk_0 somatic work. And there is a lot we can do to shift perspectives in our mind when we are noticing we

spk_0 feel anxious, especially when it feels sort of like this habitual anxiety waking up feeling anxious.

spk_0 The Sunday scary's, you know, before you go back to work on Monday, if that's an experience that you

spk_0 have or just like these patterns of anxiety when you know that it's going to be okay, is there an

spk_0 opportunity to use your mind and your thoughts and interrupt those negative thought patterns, the

spk_0 spiral, the inner critic, whatever it is, and just sort of call that out. So I was I was on a call

spk_0 with one of my somatic therapy mentors the other day and she was like, people would think I'm crazy

spk_0 if they just watched me and were a fly on the wall because sometimes I'm sitting at my desk and

spk_0 all of a sudden I'm like, okay, we are not doing that. And she's verbally out loud interrupting the

spk_0 pattern of her mind and whatever way it's tormenting her and stopping it and shifting her perspective.

spk_0 She's like, I'm not putting my energy into this. I am putting my energy here. And I think that

spk_0 perspective shifts like that and working on the mental level is important when we are integrating

spk_0 something that we have potentially uncovered that's deeper or when we're integrating trying to

spk_0 interrupt a pattern that is just that's just old, that's just habitual like I said. And maybe this

spk_0 is going to make more sense and maybe I'll be able to circle back to it as we go into the deeper

spk_0 levels of anxiety. So we're going to talk about now anxiety in the body because I'm not sure

spk_0 exactly how you experience anxiety but if you take a moment to consider how it feels in your body,

spk_0 there's probably sensation there. So most common ones are always tightness in the chest or buzzing

spk_0 in the chest, feeling restricted, feeling irritated, feeling a pit in your stomach. Sometimes people

spk_0 get really tight in their throat, feeling really busy in the head. So these are physical sensations

spk_0 that we may or may not be recognizing but anxiety is certainly happening in the body. And a few

spk_0 ways to support our body in releasing anxiety, they're going to be obvious but sometimes we need

spk_0 a reminder. So first one being rest. Your nervous system is kind of like a battery and so rest

spk_0 restores its charge. I would say the battery example isn't perfect because technically as a battery

spk_0 dies if we're thinking about our phone, the phone still operates the same whether we're at 90% or

spk_0 30% the body is not like that. So as your capacity is draining, if you're closer to 30%, it's going

spk_0 to be much more likely that you feel stressed and anxious, obviously tired and irritated. So rest

spk_0 is a really really big one and maybe also arguably an easy one to implement. Depends on your

spk_0 relationship to rest. But the more well rested we are, even if that means not necessarily hours of

spk_0 sleep but moments of stillness, five minutes lying down during the day or 10 minutes, the higher

spk_0 our capacity will just be for stress. So naturally you will feel less stressed when you are rested.

spk_0 Second part of the body experience and anxiety is our hormone cycle. So most of the people listening

spk_0 to this podcast are women, some are men, men, you run on a 24 hour hormone cycle, women run on a

spk_0 20 roughly 28 day hormone cycle. That might be more like 30 or 32 depending on your cycle.

spk_0 And during that time our estrogen and progesterone and probably some other hormones are massively

spk_0 fluctuating in the body. So if you're in your loodial phase or your menstruation phase, so the

spk_0 phase before bleeding and during bleeding, we just have a lower capacity for stress. There's nothing

spk_0 we can do about it. It just is what it is. So the more that we can surrender to that and be

spk_0 putting less on your plate during that time, exercising less intensely during that time,

spk_0 the more we will be able to handle the stress and anxiety that naturally comes. So when I'm working

spk_0 with clients and I'm talking to them every week, I can often see a pattern between them showing up

spk_0 during their ovulation to calls and being like, I feel really good. I'm having a really good week

spk_0 and then two weeks later having probably lower, more intense, more emotional experience.

spk_0 And when I get my clients to track their cycle, which I always do, they start to see that that's

spk_0 just a bit of a natural flow, not ideal, not the most fun, but it means we can give ourselves

spk_0 a little bit of grace for when we're in that period. And we, of course, we want to feel amazing

spk_0 and great and self confident all the time, which is more likely to happen during your ovulation.

spk_0 Part of your cycle and we're going to go through that dip. So just having patience and taking

spk_0 care of yourself even more, letting the loodial and the menstruation phase be a big old permission

spk_0 slip for you to take deep care of yourself and slow things down a little bit. Two more ways to

spk_0 discharge anxiety from the body would be movement and exercise. And I'm not even going to spend

spk_0 more time on that. That's just an obvious one. And I know it can be a habit that can be hard to

spk_0 integrate if you don't have that muscle strength in right now. But even just walking around is

spk_0 going to be super helpful for your body to do what it needs to do. And last being having a

spk_0 consistent anchor within your own body that you can access through your awareness and your breath.

spk_0 So that's basically exactly what we did at the start of this practice. I

spk_0 are at the start of this episode. Part of me, I guided you into your body through your senses.

spk_0 If you can know and practice that pathway to being able to feel where in your body there is a

spk_0 sense of stability or groundedness, then you have your body and your nervous system now have a

spk_0 pathway of where to go when you're feeling anxious and the desire is to feel peaceful or grounded

spk_0 because you're constantly practicing this pathway. So that means that when you're feeling anxious,

spk_0 you can start to just slow down, take a few deep breaths. Maybe notice where the anxiety is first.

spk_0 And then notice where in your body is just less anxious. There might not be a place in your

spk_0 body immediately that feels super peaceful and calm and everything's all good. But maybe there's

spk_0 an area of your body where the anxiety isn't as present. Can you rest in where that is and find

spk_0 find this anchor through your breath or through somatic awareness that doesn't change as much even

spk_0 when the stress does. So because we're receiving so much stimulation from our external environment

spk_0 plus potential chaos and loops and negative thoughts from our internal environment,

spk_0 there is a lot of initiations of the stress cycle for the body. The body is having this experience

spk_0 of I am under stress. I am under stress. I am under stress or I'm experiencing stress. Whether or not

spk_0 it's perceived it doesn't matter because the cycle is starting in the body and we want to make

spk_0 sure that we can complete that stress cycle and we do that through physical movement,

spk_0 through deep breathing, through shaking, through dancing, maybe through crying, and that

spk_0 signals safety back to the body when we use these tools of regulation. So level three is the

spk_0 emotional level. Getting out of an anxious spiral or releasing anxiety from the body can happen

spk_0 quite simply when we can name, feel and allow the emotions to be there. So you might have heard

spk_0 this term that is that emotions are energy in motion. Emotions are chemical release and physical

spk_0 states that are meant to pass through the body. Maybe you've also heard that an emotion will actually

spk_0 dissipate within about 90 seconds if we don't keep feeding it more story attached to the emotion.

spk_0 So a practice that I like to also take my clients through is trying to take the anxiety spiral

spk_0 all the way down and following the thread of the fear. So if we just let ourselves

spk_0 ruminate on I feel anxious, I feel anxious, I feel anxious, I feel anxious without saying okay,

spk_0 why do I feel anxious? Maybe you don't know why you feel anxious, that's okay, but maybe there's

spk_0 an answer why do I feel anxious? Well I think it's because I have this work deadline going on,

spk_0 I feel like there's a lot of my to-do list and I have to do this and I'm feeling this pressure

spk_0 to socialize okay, great and why like why is that too much? Well it's too much because I actually

spk_0 don't feel like I have enough hours in the day okay great. What do you already know that you need

spk_0 to do in order to feel more in control of the situation? Well it usually helps when I write a to-do list,

spk_0 it usually helps when I go for a walk and clear my mind, it usually helps when I have a shower,

spk_0 whatever it is for you, if you just slow down enough to sort of feel what's actually happening

spk_0 behind the anxiety instead of letting it loop at the top with I feel anxious, we can really regain

spk_0 a sense of control and self-assuredness in what's happening. If we bring this into an anxious

spk_0 attachment example or a relational example, I feel anxious because he hasn't texted me back,

spk_0 I feel anxious because he hasn't texted me back, does he, you know, we can we can really spiral

spk_0 on these surface level thoughts and fears instead of feeling it a little bit deeper. So what am I

spk_0 scared is going to happen? I'm scared when he does text me back, he's going to tell me he doesn't

spk_0 want to see me anymore and not the relationship is over okay and then what and then I'm going to

spk_0 be alone and I'm going to be so sad because I really like him okay and then what and then I'm

spk_0 going to cry and then this is going to happen and then I'm going to feel like super sad okay and then

spk_0 and then I'll probably just take some time for myself, maybe I would call my friend

spk_0 and then I would eventually just get back out there and date again and can you see how at the

spk_0 bottom of that fear there's actually relief, there's actually this moment of ah okay I actually

spk_0 would be okay yes that would be painful yes that's not the outcome that I want but I actually know

spk_0 what I would do and there would actually be this moment of exhale and this moment of I can but if

spk_0 we stay looping around the top of the fear then we just stay in the anxiety and we're constantly

spk_0 refueling that stress cycle and re-initiating the release of anxiety in the body instead of letting

spk_0 the stress cycle complete and doing this requires being able to sit with the emotion which I know

spk_0 is something that you've heard a lot and can be a little bit hard to conceptualize because maybe

spk_0 you imagine okay I guess I just need to sit on my bed silently with my legs crossed and and feel

spk_0 this emotion and it doesn't necessarily have to be like that it's more just breathing and allowing

spk_0 what's already in your body to be there and also being willing to hold the discomfort because

spk_0 if we do slow down enough to really feel the anxiety for a moment it's going to become more intense

spk_0 because we are no longer trying to run away from it or cope or distract ourselves with something

spk_0 else we have to sit with that tension and that uncomfortability and maybe it does make us feel sad

spk_0 maybe it does make us feel a little bit more fear but if you can quite literally just breathe

spk_0 with that and let it be here it's okay for me to feel anxious it's okay that the anxiety is

spk_0 here right now and it's constantly pushing against it that's what allows it to move through the

spk_0 body and this is where guided somatic practice really starts to play an important role because it

spk_0 is hard to force ourselves down into the uncomfortability when checking out distracting is so much easier

spk_0 and so this is the exact exercises that I make for my clients depending on the situation are they

spk_0 moving through a trigger do they feel they need some inner child work are we just trying to fall

spk_0 asleep are we releasing stress and anxiety and when you have someone guiding you it's always going

spk_0 to be a little bit easier to follow that and to be held in that at the same time that you are doing

spk_0 the emotional adjustment work and letting that cycle move through your body which also brings me

spk_0 into the subconscious layer so so far we've talked about releasing anxiety on the mental level the

spk_0 body level the emotional level and now we're going to talk about the subconscious level because the

spk_0 subconscious level is where we are running anxious patterns that are so ancient so outdated again

spk_0 maybe have nothing to do with you or just are a like an imprint of something that happened

spk_0 in your life that didn't fully get to complete its cycle of experience and the subconscious layers

spk_0 tend to have immature qualities to them and I say immature not in a negative way but in a

spk_0 young immature right so when you start to work with subconscious layers that I'm going to explain

spk_0 a couple tools that I use to get there with clients you start to meet these different

spk_0 beliefs in yourself and parts of yourself in a really intimate way where you realize oh this is

spk_0 this is quite young this part of me actually has sorted the intelligence of an eight year old or

spk_0 four year old and the the lack of understanding in the lack of context and we can imagine that these

spk_0 patterns are just frozen in time it's a neural pathway that got created in your body let's say when

spk_0 you were six years old and it's still running in your brain back and forth or round and round over

spk_0 and over because it hasn't been changed to meet and be at the maturity that you are now as a

spk_0 includes our attachment system our attachment system is a series of neuro pathways that are

spk_0 telling a story about love and who we need to be and how we need to be in order to get love and

spk_0 connection and they are often so young so disconnected from what you know now and so we do somatic work

spk_0 and I also use a tool called internal family systems to help to rewire that quote rewire and

spk_0 and mature it to who you are today so this subconscious layer can be accessed through somatic work

spk_0 through these body-based practices where we where we let go of the mind a little bit and let the

spk_0 sensations of the body tell us what's really going on so we can go back to the sensation of anxiety

spk_0 and let's say in this example this person is someone who feels the anxiety in their chest

spk_0 what does that feel like well feels maybe tight just as an example right you might feel

spk_0 it different and if we allow the tightness to be here there might be an emotion along with the

spk_0 tightness so what emotion is here might feel like overwhelmed worry or fear and often when we

spk_0 go deeper into that emotion and we let the emotion express in the way that it wants to literally

spk_0 which could be yeah literally physically through through tears or through anger but it's often

spk_0 also through words and we hear it out we hear the the youngness in it the out-datedness in it the

spk_0 old belief in it and when you actually hear it with your conscious mind which is of course still

spk_0 awake and still present sometimes that is enough to be like oh that's literally not true

spk_0 and you can just break through it really quickly and sometimes we need to stay with that a little

spk_0 bit longer and get really curious why do we believe this what does this remind us of how long

spk_0 has this been here and these are answers that your body will give you when you're in a somatic

spk_0 practice or working with a somatic therapy practitioner another tool that I mentioned for working with

spk_0 a subconscious is internal family systems so this was developed by pretty sure his name is Richard's

spk_0 Schwartz Richard Schwartz there's a book on it it's a very you know clinical technical book you don't

spk_0 need to read it but the idea of internal family systems is not to do with your actual family it

spk_0 has nothing to do with your siblings or your parents but instead helps us to identify different

spk_0 parts of ourself because as we go through life it's very common for our psyche to get fragmented

spk_0 into different parts different masks different defense systems and different faces of our

spk_0 personality and so internal family systems allows us to create a map of these different parts of

spk_0 our psyche and that map guides us back to the truth of who you are at the core of your being and I

spk_0 will tell you now that the core of your being is a woman who is secure and grounded and loving

spk_0 and free and peaceful but in front of that are often these parts of us that want to manage how we

spk_0 behave or there are part of our defense system which is in a survival response and acting out of

spk_0 the survival response there are inner child who is putting us into these behaviors are kind of

spk_0 like repeating behaviors out of old patterns and fear so what internal family systems does is it

spk_0 allows you to identify these parts understand their role and ultimately the goal is to create

spk_0 harmony within all parts of ourself so most people that I work with we identify probably between

spk_0 three and five parts but it could be you could have more parts than that and it really helps to

spk_0 sort of humanize each of these different parts and meet them so that we understand why they are

spk_0 acting the way that they are or making us feel the way that they are because what happens when

spk_0 we're not conscious of our parts is they are dictating your life the part of you that is operating

spk_0 in anxiety and fear is in the driver seat and you are just at its mercy basically and so what we

spk_0 want to do is work subconsciously to create a create a harmony where you get to be in the driver seat

spk_0 where the you that you know that you can feel within yourself that is mature and understands

spk_0 and the part of you that's going I shouldn't feel this way like this anxiety is kind of not

spk_0 warranted or I want to feel more secure I know a part of me is better than this right now she is

spk_0 she's not even like in the back seat she might be like the the middle passenger in the middle of the

spk_0 bus that can't even get to the button to press that you want to get off at the next stop so that's

spk_0 why we have to do this deeper layer work otherwise the you that's like I know better we'll just be

spk_0 finding with all the other passengers in the bus trying to get to the driver seat or the button

spk_0 or however you want to see this metaphor and it's exhausting work because the driver of the bus

spk_0 is always going to win and if the person at the part of you that's in the driver seat is is actually

spk_0 your inner child who's really scared and and acting out of fear and lack of context it's going to have

spk_0 a huge impact on your life however there's things we can do as I said we can work with this

spk_0 anxiety on all layers of our body so let me reiterate anxiety is an energy that needs a pathway

spk_0 out and we can have our day-to-day anxiety that just comes from stimulation basically and we can

spk_0 also have these deeper patterns of anxiety self-doubt low self-worth all of these things are just

spk_0 patterns in the subconscious so when we work to release anxiety from the body on the mental level

spk_0 that's when we use perspective shifts we try to meet the reality that is the moment and

spk_0 track where we're setting our self-help profalior through expectation we can also do an environment

spk_0 scan on this level how can we clean up change whatever you need to do your physical digital and

spk_0 social environment in order to just have less stimulation or anxiety provoking situations

spk_0 I didn't even mention in this episode doing a relationship audit in terms of anxiety stress and

spk_0 anxious attachment triggers but that's a conversation for in the membership or for another day

spk_0 then we have the body level so releasing anxiety from the body is going to come through rest exercise

spk_0 movement just movement in general breath and also tracking your hormones can be really supportive

spk_0 in just giving yourself a little bit of grace and finding that anchor within your body of where do I

spk_0 already feel safe on the emotional level releasing anxiety comes through being able and willing to

spk_0 sit with the discomfort to allow it to move using your breath and also naming these emotions

spk_0 following the thread of how you're feeling and why to allow for that exhale moment that reminder

spk_0 of I'm safe and I'm okay and then on the subconscious layer this is where we get to sort of stop

spk_0 the anxious patterns before they even begin this doesn't mean that stimulation is not still

spk_0 going to create stress in your body when we live in a very stimulating world it doesn't mean that

spk_0 you will never feel stressed again it doesn't mean you know that anxiety goes away but it can take

spk_0 this huge root layer out of anxiety when we feel inherently safe instead of one more constantly

spk_0 trying to take that edge off on the mental layer the subconscious layer does much more excavating

spk_0 of the anxious patterns so that we don't have to just sort of how do I imagine it like so we're

spk_0 not constantly tipping over and overflowing and maybe being able to combat that with a little bit of

spk_0 exercise or mental support if we do the subconscious work through the body and through internal

spk_0 family systems that's what we really get to take a big layer off so that has been a lot a lot a lot

spk_0 you are now an expert at understanding anxiety from many different levels and layers of your

spk_0 body or energetic body your emotional body I trust that there are many many tools in this

spk_0 episode for you to integrate and I hope that you can find an opportunity to do that today to get

spk_0 yourself feeling a little bit better even if you feel generally good today there might be something

spk_0 that elevates that a little bit more and the more that we can spend time regulated the more that

spk_0 our body will naturally spend time regulated so if you feel like you're anxious 30% of the time

spk_0 and you could get that to 20 or 15% through this work and through somatic work I'm sure it would be

spk_0 very worth it to feel much more empowered in yourself and if you're ready to do that those deeper

spk_0 layers of work the emotional layer and the subconscious layer then becoming secure my membership is

spk_0 so the place for it the place where you got accountability so many tools and practices and

spk_0 recordings you and I can obviously talk directly in there on a live call and what else did I want to

spk_0 say about it it just allows you a place to plug in to put one of these guided practices if you're

spk_0 a self-led person into your ears and and work on some of these layers this is just really what doing

spk_0 the work is but we have to get in there we have to do it we have to be connected to the body so

spk_0 that is the end for me today if you know that the somatic deeper level work is calling you and now

spk_0 is the time there's also something called the 30-day path within that membership so you could come in

spk_0 for just one month go through a 30-day path get tons of tools foundational work have me there to

spk_0 support you along the way be with some other women who are currently doing the 30-day path and

spk_0 that link for you is in the showdown so just look for where it says becoming secure join us there you

spk_0 have a seven-day free trial and I can't wait to meet you inside see you there okay if you were

spk_0 nodding along to this episode or thinking wow this girl is inside my head then that is your sign you

spk_0 actually don't need more self-help books you don't need to be less needy and you definitely don't

spk_0 need to keep pretending that it's all okay when you're not feeling okay what you probably need is a

spk_0 safe space with leadership and accountability to actually rewire some of these patterns that are

spk_0 looping and come back home to yourself come back to what feels like your alignment to who you are to

spk_0 your groundedness to your confidence to your ease and peace oh my god I worked so hard to be

spk_0 able to cultivate ease and it's still a practice but I was far from it I was literally living so

spk_0 rigid so hyper vigilant so wanting to control so insecure and it took work I took

spk_0 somatic work it took body-based work it took emotional alchemy work to be able to cultivate a sense

spk_0 of calm and just the other day I'm in a program like a secondary somatic high-level life force

spk_0 cultivating program anyway and one of the other members said you're the way you operate in business

spk_0 just feels so breathless like it feels so useful and that felt like such a compliment to the work

spk_0 that I've done and also the work that I do so I want you to feel calm magnetic secure and I do

spk_0 believe it's possible for you can start two day when you start today you're going to get access to

spk_0 a really nicely organized library of guided somatic practices and teachings and also you will be

spk_0 invited to join on live calls or workshops and Q&A calls and I'll be in there to support you so

spk_0 find the link in the show notes for becoming secure start your seven day free trial check it out

spk_0 why not there's also a super easy to use app because this community is hosted on school.com maybe

spk_0 you've heard of it and also I can't wait to just meet you and hear about your experience so far

spk_0 and learn about what's going on and what's alive for you and give you a little custom curriculum

spk_0 for what I think you need to do and work on based on your system and then we will do it together

spk_0 so I'm looking forward to meeting you inside becoming secure

Releasing Anxiety from the Body

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