Retirement's reorientation stage - How to find yourself again

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spk_0 The disenchantment phase of retirement really could leave you feeling lost, bored, and restless.

spk_0 But here's the good news, it's not the end of the road, it's actually the beginning is something better.

spk_0 This phase, it's called the reorientation phase, it's where you rediscover yourself,

spk_0 redefine your purpose and start building a retirement that feels fulfilling, that's uniquely yours, and that's remarkable.

spk_0 Hi, I'm Oriene DeBranzki, this is Life Start at Retirement.

spk_0 On this channel, I talk about the real journey of retirement, not just the money side,

spk_0 but what it actually feels like to live day to day after work and to make your retirement remarkable.

spk_0 This is part five of the six part series on the emotional stages of retirement, and I've pre-recorded this series.

spk_0 As luckily, I'm away on another cruise today, we should be in Venice, Italy, making our retirement remarkable.

spk_0 So stage three, the reorientation phase.

spk_0 This is the stage where things start to click, it's where you stop drifting and begin reshaping retirement into a life that excites you again.

spk_0 I love this stage, but for many it's hard, it can be very, very exciting, but it can also be scary.

spk_0 So what is the reorientation phase? Well, this phase comes after disenchantment. When you felt the restlessness, when you've asked yourself,

spk_0 is this all there is? So instead of staying stuck there, you have to begin to dig deeper.

spk_0 This phase is a period of self-discovery. You're no longer defined by your career, you're asking the big questions, such as, who am I now?

spk_0 What do I want to do with my years ahead? How can I create purpose in my days?

spk_0 What and who do I want to be? What gives me passion, excitement, fun in my life? What do I want to try?

spk_0 What do I want to say yes to or no to? Also, what am I missing from my job? What do I miss that I could bring back into my life?

spk_0 Asking these questions are not always easy, but it's incredibly rewarding. Because in this stage, it's where your retirement starts to feel like your life.

spk_0 Not just a break or a vacation from work.

spk_0 During your work years, for most of us, your job shaped your identity. It told you where to be, what to do, and often who you were.

spk_0 Retirement just takes that away. And while that feeling can be freeing, it can also be unsettling.

spk_0 The reorientation phase then is where you begin to rebuild your identity around you.

spk_0 Not your title, not your job, but your values, your passion, and your choices.

spk_0 And that's the beauty of it. You get to write the script.

spk_0 But having said that, this stage often comes with a whole mix of emotions. Let's talk first.

spk_0 I think the biggest one for me was hopefulness. You realize that there's still time to grow.

spk_0 There's still time to learn. There's time to create. It's a time of hopefulness of, what can I do now?

spk_0 It's a time of excitement, small discoveries like a hobby can really make you excited.

spk_0 It can feel like breakthroughs. Taking the time with your grandkids if you're lucky enough to have them.

spk_0 How exciting is that? Going on a trip. Excitement. It's a time of patience.

spk_0 You learn that building of a filling life takes time. Tril, an error.

spk_0 But again, for me, the big one. It's a time of uncertainty and even uncomfortableness.

spk_0 You may not have all the answers yet. And that's okay.

spk_0 You see after the honeymoon and disenchantment stages, you realize that retirement isn't going to run on autopilot.

spk_0 You can't just drift and expect purpose to fall into your lap.

spk_0 You can't expect someone to knock on your door and say, hey, more aim want to be friends.

spk_0 It just doesn't happen that way. This is where you have to put yourself out there.

spk_0 And for many, that can feel intimidating.

spk_0 For years, your identity may have been tied to your career where you know exactly what was expected of you.

spk_0 But now, now you're stepping into uncharted waters.

spk_0 Maybe you're exploring hobbies you've never tried. Will I be any good?

spk_0 What will people think of me? Are they going to laugh at me? Are they going to talk about me behind their back?

spk_0 Ah, those are things that go through your mind.

spk_0 Joining groups. Maybe you want to try a group, but you don't know anyone.

spk_0 And that too can be intimidating.

spk_0 We're saying yes to opportunities.

spk_0 You're not even sure you're going to like the uncertainty really can be uncomfortable.

spk_0 But it's also where the magic happens.

spk_0 Think about it. Every meaningful experience comes with a moment of stepping outside of your comfort zone.

spk_0 Retirement was no different. Maybe you sign up for that painting class.

spk_0 Even though you haven't held a brush since grade one.

spk_0 Maybe you walk into that community center and join a group of strangers for pickleball.

spk_0 Maybe you finally test out volunteering in a food bank or mentoring young people.

spk_0 Not even knowing if it's the right fit. Some things will click boom.

spk_0 You might try something and decide no. Sorry, that's not for me.

spk_0 And that's fine. The reorientation stage is all about experiencing.

spk_0 All about experimenting until you find what lights you up.

spk_0 What gives you passion? What makes you smile?

spk_0 What makes you excited to get up in the morning?

spk_0 But here's the mind shift. A mindset shift.

spk_0 Don't think it easy for me to say don't, but try not to think of uncertainty, of worry, of anxiety, as a failure.

spk_0 Think of it as exploration.

spk_0 Every no, every anxiety, every worry gets you closer to yes, gets you closer to fun, gets you closer to enjoyment.

spk_0 Every experience teaches you more about who you are now, not who you were when you were at work, but who you are now in this chapter.

spk_0 But here's the reward. Once you accept the uncertainty and work with it instead of against it, you start to uncover surprising parts of yourself.

spk_0 You may discover passions that you didn't know you had.

spk_0 You may uncover friendships lost for years. You may build new friendships that you never expected.

spk_0 You may find yourself with a YouTube channel and you never thought that was possible.

spk_0 That's when retirement becomes less about filling time and more about living fully and making it remarkable.

spk_0 You know, I had a good friend of mine who worked in our finance department at Yellow Pages. He worked there probably 40 years.

spk_0 When he retired, he went through the classics, the honeymoon phase, golf travel relaxation, but of course the disenchantment phase hit.

spk_0 And it hit hard. And he just said, I think he felt, he said he felt invisible. He didn't know who he was without his job.

spk_0 He was important. He was in our finance department, one of the heads of the finance department.

spk_0 But he knew my mother and I, you say the only helping hand you have is at the end of your own arm. So instead of staying stuck, he started exploring.

spk_0 He joined a photography class. He began mentoring young entrepreneurs for him that would feed his sense of being.

spk_0 And slowly, he rebuilt his days with purpose. And a year later, he told me he finally feels like himself again.

spk_0 It took him a year. And he's really enjoying it. And he said maybe he feels even more fulfilled now because he seems to be giving back for him that's important.

spk_0 Then he ever did about work. That's the reorientation phase. It's not about filling time. It's about redefining yourself.

spk_0 If you're in this stage, here's some practical steps to help you move forward. I like this one. Number one, reflect on your values. Ask yourself, what matters most to me now?

spk_0 Is it family? Is it creativity? Is it health? Is it learning? Is it contribution? What are your values? What do you want?

spk_0 And let your values guide your choices. Number two, I like this one. I like all of these. Number two, experience, experiment boldly.

spk_0 Don't be afraid to try new things. Take classes, join clubs, volunteer travel. Whatever it is you want. Don't be afraid. And let me, let me rephrase that.

spk_0 It's okay to be afraid. It's absolutely okay to be afraid. Don't let being afraid. Stop you. That's even better. Because yeah, I still, if I'm, if I'm in a golf league in Arizona in the winter.

spk_0 And if there's someone new on my team, my stomach starts to feel bad. I get anxiety. I'm, I'm okay. I go for, but I'm not woohoo. And I can really mess up.

spk_0 And so I feel anxiety, but I don't let it stop me. And by the third, fourth hole, I'm just fine. Remember, some things will stick. Others won't. And that's the point. Figure out who and what you want to do and be.

spk_0 Number three, set new goals. Retirement isn't the end of goal setting. Just a different goal setting. Your goals now might be learning a new language, walking 10,000 steps a day, helping your community.

spk_0 Goals create direction. So take the time to learn your values and set goals around your values. Number four, rebuild routines. I never thought I would say this because when I left yellow pages, I was not.

spk_0 I, I did not want to routine. And it took me a long time to admit that I needed to add a routine back into my life. Not the same routine I had then. Thank goodness. But structure your days. So you now have a balance.

spk_0 A balance of relaxation of activity, a routines that give your life, meaning and fulfillment, and that reduce that drifting feeling.

spk_0 And number five, invest in people. The reorientation phase is a great time to strengthen relationships with old friends, with family, with new friends.

spk_0 You never know if you're going to meet your new best friend out there, human connections, add meaning, so much meaning to retirement.

spk_0 But it's important to be honest in this stage. It's not always smooth. It takes courage to ask those big questions and even more courage to follow through on the answers you're going to get.

spk_0 Some people get stuck because they fear change or they fear trying new things. They rely too much on others to fill their time. Like I said, no one's going to come knocking on your door asking you to, you know, be your friend.

spk_0 They avoid reflecting on what truly matters to them.

spk_0 But if you think about it, the discomfort that you might feel means you're growing. And on the other side of this phase is stability, which we talk about next week.

spk_0 A retirement that feels balanced and satisfying and remarkable. So how do you know you're here? Well, some common signs include you're less, you're restless, but you're motivated to make the changes.

spk_0 You're experimenting with new activities and new routines, even though that might cause a little bit of anxiety at first.

spk_0 You're starting to feel sparks of joy again after that horrible feeling of disenchantment.

spk_0 And you're asking deeper questions about your purpose, your identity, what gives you passion, what do you want to do, where do you want to be.

spk_0 So if this sounds familiar, congratulations, you're doing the work of building your next chapter of retirement.

spk_0 The reward of this reorientation phase is discovering that retirement isn't about losing who you were. It's about uncovering who you can become.

spk_0 You might discover passions you never knew you had time for. You might build relationships that are richer than anything you ever had at work.

spk_0 And you might feel even more yourself than you did in your career years.

spk_0 This is where retirement transforms from being time off to time well lived.

spk_0 This reorientation phase really is a powerful stage of retirement.

spk_0 It's where you stop drifting and start designing. It takes courage, reflection, patience, but the payoff is a retirement filled with meaning, joy, purpose, and it really does make your retirement remarkable.

spk_0 So if you're here right now feeling ready for that change, but I'm sure where to start know this, you're on the right path.

spk_0 The work you are doing now is shaping the best years ahead.

spk_0 I'm Oriyn Dubransky. This is Life Starts at Retirement. If you found this video helpful, please share, like, comment, subscribe, and let us know what's one thing you've discovered about yourself since retirement.

spk_0 Thanks for watching. I'll see you in the final stage of this series next week. Stability.

spk_0 Stability.

Retirement's reorientation stage - How to find yourself again

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