SOTS: Bobby Lee, Andrew Santino, Tony Baker, Caroline Rhea, Feeney & Watkins |Ep 82 |15 Year Special

Interactive Transcript

spk_0 Big announcement, I am filming my next one hour special in Batavia, Illinois, October 23rd through 25th and I would love to see you there.

spk_0 And come see me headline on the road in Richmond, Virginia, Indianapolis, Indiana, San Francisco, California,

spk_0 Chicago, Illinois, and St. Louis, Missouri, and New Orleans, Louisiana, with stand up on the spot,

spk_0 as well as headlining dates and Hartford, Connecticut, Portland, Oregon, and more dates to be added at JeremiahWalkings.com.

spk_0 And after this, go check out our pal Andrew Santino's new special on Hulu called White Noise.

spk_0 And if you want to support stand up on the spot in an extra way, head over to patreon.com,

spk_0 slash JeremiahWalkings, and get episodes uncensored and ad-free for as little as 5 bucks a month.

spk_0 And to stay up to date on all my tour dates and new videos, sign up on my email list at punchup.live slash JeremiahWalkings.

spk_0 Hit that like button, leave a comment, subscribe before you go, and now enjoy stand up on the spot.

spk_0 Oh

spk_0 Comedy, sir, are we doing tonight?

spk_0 What's up, everybody?

spk_0 Buddy, my name is Jeremiah Watkins.

spk_0 I'm your host of Stand Up on the Spot.

spk_0 And tonight is a very special evening,

spk_0 because we're celebrating 15 years of Stand Up on the Spot.

spk_0 Woo!

spk_0

spk_0 So this is how the show works.

spk_0 We, the comedians, are coming up here with no prepared material.

spk_0 We're going to ask you the audience for suggestions.

spk_0 You're going to yell stuff out.

spk_0 We're going to create Stand Up on the Spot,

spk_0 based off those suggestions, who's really kicked things off.

spk_0 What do you say, huh?

spk_0 Woo!

spk_0 All right, what do we got?

spk_0 Dance.

spk_0 OK.

spk_0 You look like a kid that had the magnifying glass.

spk_0 Who just burned them alive?

spk_0 Am I right?

spk_0 Uh, no.

spk_0 No?

spk_0 Maybe sometimes.

spk_0 I was definitely one of those kids.

spk_0 And I was like, the sun can be a killer.

spk_0 Like, I had the magnifying glass.

spk_0 My brother was the kind of kid who would blow up the GI Joe's.

spk_0 Definitely like the Sid character from Toy Story.

spk_0 Definitely those vibes.

spk_0 I'm sensing some Sids in here tonight.

spk_0 And then some of you maybe should have died from Sids.

spk_0 Next suggestion.

spk_0 There we go.

spk_0 I didn't do it, baby.

spk_0 Burning man.

spk_0 OK.

spk_0 Also, if you guys want to give me more than one suggestion,

spk_0 I've been stuck with ants and burning man so far.

spk_0 And it still is a little bit of an A to B situation.

spk_0 I was talking about burning ants alive.

spk_0 He's like, well, burning man.

spk_0 So maybe we can severe a little bit further away from burning man.

spk_0 What's up?

spk_0 What else we got?

spk_0 Mulan's sweet 16.

spk_0 What was that?

spk_0 That might be...

spk_0 The creepiest suggestion.

spk_0 In the 15 years I've been doing the show.

spk_0 So congratulations for holding that title.

spk_0 That guy is one of those guys who had a countdown timer on a website.

spk_0 Asian fetish much.

spk_0 That's so weird.

spk_0 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

spk_0 A little bit later.

spk_0 Man, that's so bizarre.

spk_0 Did you know that some people got bent out of shape?

spk_0 You know how Disney sometimes has to make those announcements

spk_0 years later about like, we don't feel the same way anymore

spk_0 about like the images that were portrayed at this time.

spk_0 There was a different time.

spk_0 That kind of thing.

spk_0 Some people were getting upset about the song,

spk_0 all make a man out of you.

spk_0 Yeah, and I'm like...

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 OK, I can say literally anything to this guy about Mulan.

spk_0 He's like, dude, that's great, dude.

spk_0 That's great.

spk_0 Wow, that's fascinating.

spk_0 Did you know she wasn't even a full grown woman in that cartoon?

spk_0 What a wheel.

spk_0 He laughed so hard as half the love.

spk_0 Yes!

spk_0 Achievement unlocked.

spk_0 All right, what else we got?

spk_0 Igloo.

spk_0 You guys are killing me with these one suggestions.

spk_0 New phone.

spk_0 New phone?

spk_0 How many times have you guys done the...

spk_0 I got a new phone.

spk_0 Who is this again?

spk_0 Even though you might know who it is.

spk_0 Or you have no idea because you didn't save their number.

spk_0 And it's an awkward thing where they're like, it's your dad.

spk_0 And you're like, what?

spk_0 Oh, I'm sorry.

spk_0 New phone, who it is?

spk_0 Yeah, that's always...

spk_0 Did anybody have a T-Mobile sidekick back in the day?

spk_0 Dude, I thought that was going to get me back in the day.

spk_0 Just like that.

spk_0 Like, I thought, when am I going to make...

spk_0 Wow.

spk_0 Like, I bought all the different color bumpers and stuff

spk_0 like that for him.

spk_0 Guess what?

spk_0 It kept them further away from me.

spk_0 The more accessories I bought for the sidekick,

spk_0 the less I was getting side-dick from these ladies.

spk_0 Sydney Swini.

spk_0 I'm curious.

spk_0 Was it?

spk_0 Casino security.

spk_0 Oh, yeah.

spk_0 LAUGHTER

spk_0 So...

spk_0 That is nice.

spk_0

spk_0 LAUGHTER

spk_0 Are you willingly with this guy here tonight?

spk_0 You're not together?

spk_0 That's your brother?

spk_0 Wow.

spk_0 You have a very creepy brother.

spk_0 LAUGHTER

spk_0 Have you ever heard that before?

spk_0 I know, yes.

spk_0 Yeah, your whole life.

spk_0 LAUGHTER

spk_0 Did he ever date any of your friends?

spk_0 I did.

spk_0 LAUGHTER

spk_0 I feel like all of her friends are like, new phone.

spk_0 Who does?

spk_0 Like, every single one of them is like, hey, your brother is texting me again?

spk_0 Like, we're really good friends, but he's a little off.

spk_0 He keeps inviting me to Mulan's 16th birthday party.

spk_0 LAUGHTER

spk_0 He wants to play dress-up and stuff.

spk_0 It's really strange. It's really weird.

spk_0 Wow.

spk_0 What's your name?

spk_0 Brian.

spk_0 Brian?

spk_0 Heck, yeah.

spk_0 LAUGHTER

spk_0 What kind of work do you do, Brian?

spk_0 I'm a CNA.

spk_0 What's the CNA?

spk_0 Uh, certified, never take assisted.

spk_0 Well...

spk_0 I changed diapers.

spk_0 Oh!

spk_0 Okay, well...

spk_0 You changed diapers?

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 What does that mean?

spk_0 I should care, like, uh, hospital patients are like, other knee people.

spk_0 Wow.

spk_0 You're the last image people see before they die.

spk_0 LAUGHTER

spk_0 And I'm doing a little Mulan gathering later.

spk_0 LAUGHTER

spk_0 You're probably not gonna make it, but...

spk_0 LAUGHTER

spk_0 You're invited.

spk_0 LAUGHTER

spk_0 I'll text you. They're like, new phone. Who does?

spk_0 LAUGHTER

spk_0 Let's grab one last suggestion.

spk_0 Cracker jacks.

spk_0 Cracker jacks?

spk_0 What does it?

spk_0 Cracker jacks and cat bass.

spk_0 LAUGHTER

spk_0 I love it.

spk_0 Uh, cracker jacks used to be...

spk_0 Man.

spk_0 I used to look forward to a cracker jack.

spk_0 Simpler times, right?

spk_0 LAUGHTER

spk_0 I mean, simpler times when you would just reach in and then, like, it would just be this little thing.

spk_0 And then your whole day was positively affected.

spk_0 LAUGHTER

spk_0 Do you think back in the day, like, a cracker jack?

spk_0 Like, you know the penis and the popcorn trick?

spk_0 LAUGHTER

spk_0 We all know that in the movie theater. You know that?

spk_0 OK.

spk_0 Do you think any guy, like, drew a little tiny picture of his penis inside and put in the cracker jacks?

spk_0 And it's like, what is he?

spk_0 What do you say, lady, after this ball game?

spk_0 You get the cracker jacking me off a little bit later. What do you say?

spk_0 Ah, what do you say?

spk_0 LAUGHTER

spk_0 Oh, one more suggestion.

spk_0 People drive Tesla's.

spk_0 What was that?

spk_0 People who drive Tesla's.

spk_0 Oh, douche bag.

spk_0 No, it's hard because it's like they're trying...

spk_0 They're trying to be friendly for the environment, but a lot of the people who drive them are just not people who you want to hang out with.

spk_0 You know, they're like, I'm green and you're also just like, but you're also unbearable.

spk_0 Oh, like anybody who's trying to constantly tell you how good of a person they are, they're kind of hard to be around.

spk_0 Sir, what kind of car do you drive?

spk_0 A Kona.

spk_0 What is that?

spk_0 A Hyundai Kona.

spk_0 Exactly.

spk_0 LAUGHTER

spk_0 This guy is staying in his lane.

spk_0 He's not trying to be too good of a person.

spk_0 I didn't even know what kind of car that was. He'd explained to me what kind of car a Kona was.

spk_0 Is it a hybrid?

spk_0 No.

spk_0 Of course it's not. That's gay, right?

spk_0 He goes, no, no, no, absolutely not, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

spk_0 Would you ever drive a hybrid?

spk_0 No.

spk_0 Very cool.

spk_0 Have you met my friend Brian over here?

spk_0 Guys, we're ready to start the show.

spk_0 What do you say, huh?

spk_0

spk_0 I am so excited that you guys are here for the 15-year anniversary of Santa Ball and Spot.

spk_0 The only way I know how to kick this thing off is with this next guest.

spk_0 This next guest comes to the stage, one of my personal favorites to do the show.

spk_0 If not my personal, he is my favorite person to do the show.

spk_0 I'll just splat out, say it, I'll declare it, top it, the mountain's all yellowed out,

spk_0 because this guy is incredible.

spk_0 And he's a fan favorite as well.

spk_0 And he's done the show more than any other comic.

spk_0 I'm honored to have him here, honored for him to be my friend.

spk_0 Please welcome the great Tony Baker to the stage where he's been doing my performance.

spk_0 Come on.

spk_0 Tony Baker.

spk_0 15 years, Jeremiah.

spk_0 15 years, hard time.

spk_0 All right, let's do it.

spk_0 Let's get it.

spk_0 Getting bad bugs.

spk_0 Who?

spk_0 You say what?

spk_0 Getting bad bugs.

spk_0 Oh my God, once you get bad bugs, you might as well burn yourself.

spk_0 You might as well just put yourself in the incinerator, man.

spk_0 You never get rid of them.

spk_0 Once you got them, you got them.

spk_0 It's like herpes.

spk_0 You're done.

spk_0 You're keeping them, man.

spk_0 All your clothes, all your friends, everything in the house.

spk_0 Your game systems, they all in there.

spk_0 They crawl across your game system.

spk_0 You playing, man, you know what the fuck is that?

spk_0 That's my big bugs, man, they in the game.

spk_0 They start commentating the football game.

spk_0 He's got about 50 yards.

spk_0 Russian, who was that talking?

spk_0 It's the big bugs, I'm sorry.

spk_0 You came bring a girl over there going right in the kitchen, man.

spk_0 The whole night is ruined, man.

spk_0 You got to burn it all, man.

spk_0 They need to make an alien movie like that, you know what I'm saying?

spk_0 Instead of the xenomorphs, they're like big bugs.

spk_0 When they come from, man, who's bringing them in?

spk_0 Who was the first big bug?

spk_0 Because bads ain't always been here, man.

spk_0 Well, they just wrinkled a little bugs and were like,

spk_0 you know, that bad shit looked nice.

spk_0 I think we need to establish a community in that bitch.

spk_0 What's she talking about?

spk_0 But look at the bads they land on.

spk_0 It's better than this dirt we live in.

spk_0 I want to end on that bad.

spk_0 It was smoking cigarettes and sharing them.

spk_0 I'm like, yeah, it's taking us, I think I see your vision.

spk_0 And ever since then, bad bugs been rocking the beds.

spk_0 What else?

spk_0 Cotaroid pants, man.

spk_0 I remember I had a good pair when I was a kid like a third grade.

spk_0 Woo!

spk_0 I was making mad noise walking the school.

spk_0 Starting fires and everything.

spk_0 My crotch, I had no crotch lever just in the center area.

spk_0 Woo! Cotaroid, man.

spk_0 Nothing like it, man.

spk_0 That Cotaroid was a weird fabric.

spk_0 It was weirdness going on.

spk_0 I thought I was so cool.

spk_0 I had it.

spk_0 They were burgundy Cotaroid.

spk_0 I was killing the game, man.

spk_0 They should make Cotaroid condoms.

spk_0 Soft ridges, ladies.

spk_0 Try it.

spk_0 Don't knock it till you try it now.

spk_0 You're gonna look at your son with his Cotaroid.

spk_0 But first, let me get these bed bugs off the bed.

spk_0 What else?

spk_0 Shook night.

spk_0 Shook night, man.

spk_0 Shook night with me.

spk_0 Yeah, everybody shook back in the day, man.

spk_0 Just knocking cats out.

spk_0 Just big for no reason, man.

spk_0 It seemed like death row wasn't a good time.

spk_0 Like when the label was popping,

spk_0 you hear about the engineers getting beat up

spk_0 and slapped up in the studio.

spk_0 You got one time to slap me when I'm working on your music.

spk_0 I'm like, what do you think about the bass on it?

spk_0 Damn, man.

spk_0 Yeah, man.

spk_0 I ain't coming back.

spk_0 Man, fuck this album.

spk_0 Fuck the chronic, fuck all eyes on me.

spk_0 Fuck the dog pound album.

spk_0 I ain't working on none of this shit, man.

spk_0 You're slapped me.

spk_0 I'ma talk all this shit from a distance.

spk_0 So I ain't gonna say it in the studio.

spk_0 I'ma wait til I get home.

spk_0 I ain't coming back, Shook.

spk_0 You call a Marion and shit Marion?

spk_0 This smacked me up because I fumbled on the bass line.

spk_0 Yeah, man.

spk_0 Death row seemed like some hard times working with that label.

spk_0 Hell no.

spk_0 But they was cracking and they had a little nice little hot street

spk_0 for a few years.

spk_0 But you can't keep that negativity up, man.

spk_0 You bound the crumble.

spk_0 Everybody scared to come work for you, man.

spk_0 Ain't a good time.

spk_0 Like, man, I might get sucked out of feeling like my album.

spk_0 I think I'ma go to death jam.

spk_0 And they ain't gonna sock me out over there.

spk_0 They're gonna take my money.

spk_0 They're gonna rip me off.

spk_0 It's gonna be a soft rip.

spk_0 I ain't gonna get smacked up.

spk_0 What else?

spk_0 Lord of man.

spk_0 Who?

spk_0 Lord of man.

spk_0

spk_0 Oh, Lord of man.

spk_0 Lord of crazy, man.

spk_0 It's always something going on in Lord of man.

spk_0 Is there everything you need is in Florida except snow, man.

spk_0 There's everything out there, man.

spk_0 Whatever you went to, math drugs, sex, old people's sex.

spk_0 Old people be getting it in, man.

spk_0 They be STDing like a mother fucker with their old asses.

spk_0 Cause I ain't got none to lose, man.

spk_0 I made it six.

spk_0 Let's do it.

spk_0 Raw.

spk_0 You might as well smash raw, you 88, man.

spk_0 What you got to lose?

spk_0 Let's do it, Mildred.

spk_0 Come on.

spk_0 Come on, man.

spk_0 I got a nice little cup of tea over here.

spk_0 I took my tea foul.

spk_0 Let's get it in.

spk_0 Come on, Mildred.

spk_0 Raw.

spk_0 I got corduroy condoms on deck.

spk_0 I ain't got no bed bugs like Hank.

spk_0 You know, by following me, you got the bed bugs over there in hospice.

spk_0 I'll give you this work, man.

spk_0 The hammered it by Hagrin, the blue tube.

spk_0 Florida crazy, man.

spk_0 Just a sweaty crazy.

spk_0 I was out there this year on tour, man.

spk_0 This is a different kind of heat in Florida.

spk_0 It's that slavery heat.

spk_0 It's like, man, we gotta get the hell out of here.

spk_0 We gotta get all the animals, the wildlife, flying roaches.

spk_0 That's why I draw the goddamn line.

spk_0 The roaches start flying, man.

spk_0 I'm helpless.

spk_0 Because, you know, one time, like, if a roach is flying, you might slap it.

spk_0 That's an instinct.

spk_0 What the fuck was that?

spk_0 Oh, shit.

spk_0 Once you ideas the roach, you slap the roach.

spk_0 You gotta cut your hand off, man.

spk_0 You gotta throw it in the incinerator with the bed bug sheets.

spk_0 I never want to touch a roach hand to hand.

spk_0 What else?

spk_0 Turn signals.

spk_0 Really turn signals?

spk_0 It's a horrible choice.

spk_0 You're gonna talk about these turn signals.

spk_0 What the fuck?

spk_0 Man, they're not trying to set me up for the fail.

spk_0 I can't stand it when people don't put the turn signal on.

spk_0 When you wait, you wait for them because you think they're going straight

spk_0 and then they come up and then they turn you mother f**k.

spk_0 I'm gonna win out.

spk_0 Man, let me know what you're doing.

spk_0 You knew you was turning?

spk_0 That's selfish, man.

spk_0 You saw me waiting.

spk_0 I'm sitting in the car looking at you.

spk_0 Lips tight.

spk_0 You're like, yeah, ha ha ha.

spk_0 Turn on your bitch ass.

spk_0 I had your weight for nothing.

spk_0 Scumbags, man.

spk_0 Same kind of scumbags that don't put the shopping cart back.

spk_0 You piece of shit if you don't put the shopping cart back where it's supposed to be.

spk_0 You just gonna leave it in the parking lot.

spk_0 Shittery.

spk_0 What else?

spk_0 Who?

spk_0 The Philly's What?

spk_0 When the stole of baseball?

spk_0 Oh shit, was that the CEO do?

spk_0 No, no.

spk_0 This is a lady?

spk_0 Wait, tell me about it. What happened?

spk_0 Man, and what we got for the ball, man gets the ball, takes it back, gives it to his son.

spk_0 Uh-huh.

spk_0 She comes over screaming at my f**king ball, give me a f**king ball, man.

spk_0 So she wanted the ball, she was like f**king your son, give me that ball.

spk_0 But who made the catch?

spk_0 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, he's bouncing around in the seat.

spk_0 Oh, okay. So who made first contact?

spk_0 The man.

spk_0 We'll get the f**k out of here, b**ch.

spk_0 Take your ass home, take your bra off and take the L and Hush.

spk_0 First come, first serve, first contact.

spk_0 What she mad about, you gotta be quicker than that, man.

spk_0 F**k you.

spk_0 I got the ball.

spk_0 Animal follow on Instagram, me and the ball.

spk_0 Doing random shit around the house.

spk_0 Hey, hey, me and the ball getting in, watching the latest episode of Alien Earth.

spk_0 I would torment that lady on Instagram, man.

spk_0 It's just me and the ball hugged, me and the ball getting in,

spk_0 late night, raw, corduroy condoms.

spk_0 Mmm, mmm, mmm.

spk_0 What else?

spk_0 No phone signal cruise ships.

spk_0 Who?

spk_0 No phone signal cruise ships.

spk_0 No phone signal on cruise ships, man.

spk_0 That really touched yo so you was pissed off on that last cruise.

spk_0 And what a phone signal lab, man.

spk_0 You're in the ocean, bro.

spk_0 Tell your phone off and enjoy the cruise, nah, man.

spk_0 F**k that.

spk_0 I want to make calls from the ocean.

spk_0 We really be pissed off because we in the middle of the ocean with no phone service.

spk_0 We in the middle of the ocean, man.

spk_0 No towers.

spk_0 Enjoy your cruise, man.

spk_0 Go mingle, go mix.

spk_0 Nah, man, I want to be on the phone.

spk_0 I hate talking on the phone.

spk_0 The cruise is a way of life for me.

spk_0 You're like, sorry, I was at sea.

spk_0 I was at sea.

spk_0 That's the ultimate bailout.

spk_0 We don't want to talk to nobody.

spk_0 Where was you at? I was at sea, man.

spk_0 The sea was angry that day, my friends.

spk_0 We didn't know we was going to make it back, man.

spk_0 Christopher Columbus and them.

spk_0 Right, I'm back in the day.

spk_0 Christopher Columbus and them.

spk_0 They was on their boats for months.

spk_0 Just rocking and moving, just dirty.

spk_0 Bad hygiene. Just filth on the boats.

spk_0 Showing up the different islands.

spk_0 They hate looking at the women around here, huh?

spk_0 Subtitles and shit.

spk_0 You know they wasn't speaking English.

spk_0 Christopher Columbus was like, man, some bitches out here.

spk_0 Subtitles.

spk_0 What else?

spk_0 Flutter.

spk_0 Who?

spk_0 Flutter.

spk_0 Oh, okay, stand this theory, man.

spk_0 Who gives a shit?

spk_0 Who gives it?

spk_0 Why are you that passionate about the shape of the earth?

spk_0 What you going to do about it?

spk_0 If it's flat, what's the next move for you?

spk_0 What you going to, oh, I told you it was flat.

spk_0 All right, what's next?

spk_0 Don't continue to live on in sunrise and sunset.

spk_0 Ain't nothing going to change.

spk_0 Would you going to leave? You're going to be like,

spk_0 I knew it. Now I can take off and then I can look back at it.

spk_0 No, you're not.

spk_0 Just shut up, man. Who cares?

spk_0 I would like to see the earth.

spk_0 I want to look back at it.

spk_0 Like take off and then be like, oh shit, that's why I was living.

spk_0 And then keep going into the cosmos and shit.

spk_0 I'm obsessed with the moon, man.

spk_0 The moon has my attention every time, man.

spk_0 Because it's just so dope, man.

spk_0 I wish we had more of them.

spk_0 In fact, we only got one, you know, if we had more,

spk_0 it'd be tearing shit up on earth.

spk_0 I'm like, the way it's just being, oh shit,

spk_0 there's too many moons.

spk_0 We getting covered with tsunamis.

spk_0 I love looking up there just imagining, man.

spk_0 What's it like up there just sitting on the most quiet, you know what I'm saying?

spk_0 Bed bugs is up there, they'd be like, yo,

spk_0 so tell me about these mattresses you got down there.

spk_0 What the fuck you get up here, man? You can't get rid of us, man.

spk_0 We bed bugs.

spk_0 We stay on the dark side of the moon that you can't see.

spk_0 What else?

spk_0 The dentist's all the worst.

spk_0 The dentist be hurting, man.

spk_0 They don't even care.

spk_0 They be numbing us up and it still hurts.

spk_0 They know my whole mouth and be like, yeah, can you feel it?

spk_0 Yeah, I can still feel it.

spk_0 Let's go to work.

spk_0 Get the drills going.

spk_0 Get the hook.

spk_0 Come in.

spk_0 Come in, raw.

spk_0 I hate getting my teeth clean because I hate the feeling of that little hook on my teeth.

spk_0 It's cringy, man.

spk_0 Put me under.

spk_0 I want to get put under when I go to the dentist.

spk_0 I don't care what it is.

spk_0 Put me under.

spk_0 All the way.

spk_0 I just want to wake up.

spk_0 You all done?

spk_0 I wanted to be like my cool and not-scopey, man.

spk_0 I was out of here for that.

spk_0 I was listening to music, man.

spk_0 I just woke up in another room.

spk_0 Like, what the fuck just happened, man?

spk_0 They were like, we winning your booty hole, man.

spk_0 Everything was good.

spk_0 You winning my booty hole?

spk_0 Yeah, man.

spk_0 It was a good time in there.

spk_0 Everything looked good.

spk_0 Thank God.

spk_0 The fact that they was in my booty hole, I had no recollection as crazy.

spk_0 They couldn't have been doing anything to me in there.

spk_0 They couldn't have like, get the cord of Roy Connum's going.

spk_0 It's a good patient we got here.

spk_0 Pumping the stool, guys.

spk_0 Pumping the stool.

spk_0 What else?

spk_0 Scary movies.

spk_0 Scary movies, man.

spk_0 Here's what sucks about scary movies for me.

spk_0 I'm a fan, right?

spk_0 I just saw the conjuring four last weekend.

spk_0 That movie made mad money this weekend.

spk_0 It's like $83 million.

spk_0 I was like, man, we love them.

spk_0 I like that couple in those movies.

spk_0 That's what it is.

spk_0 The warrants.

spk_0 Like, I cared about the couple in the family.

spk_0 They would go help.

spk_0 I like scary movies like that.

spk_0 We're such ghosts.

spk_0 You know what I'm saying?

spk_0 Like, scary movies with a real slash.

spk_0 I'd be like, man, fight them.

spk_0 Grab them, slap them up.

spk_0 Man, they worked the killer.

spk_0 I hated when they knocked a killer down and then they just run.

spk_0 They hit you over the head with a stool and then they fall.

spk_0 And then they run.

spk_0 I'm working you over.

spk_0 Once you fall, I've been waiting for this.

spk_0 You mother.

spk_0 I'm grabbing everything.

spk_0 The TV, the cutlery.

spk_0 I'm shacking.

spk_0 Get the axe going.

spk_0 Get that lawnmower going.

spk_0 Turn it on.

spk_0 Put it on his face.

spk_0 They never worked the killer, man.

spk_0 They just won't fall down.

spk_0 I'll run.

spk_0 The killer is going to get his ass up eventually, man.

spk_0 Work the killer.

spk_0 That's going to be my horror movie.

spk_0 It's called Work the Killer.

spk_0 It's going to be different killers throughout the movie.

spk_0 They're going to get worked.

spk_0 Tired of people running away too soon, man.

spk_0 They'd be dropping their gun.

spk_0 They'd be like, oh, ah, ah.

spk_0 Ah, man, work the killer.

spk_0 Unload the clip.

spk_0 It's the will.

spk_0 After the bullets run out.

spk_0 This should not be it.

spk_0 All right, one more.

spk_0 First time in LA.

spk_0 Who?

spk_0 First time in LA?

spk_0 First time in LA, man.

spk_0 It was, uh, it was 2000 foot.

spk_0 That's my first time in LA, man.

spk_0 I was like, yo.

spk_0 I'm going to move the LA, man.

spk_0 It's the dream.

spk_0 Pissue acting and all that good stuff.

spk_0 I'm going to come out here and live the dream.

spk_0 I'm going to get off the Greyhound bus.

spk_0 A director going to be like, yeah.

spk_0 I've been looking for you.

spk_0 And throw me in that opening movie, man.

spk_0 That's how I was in Antoine Fisher, man.

spk_0 Right off the Greyhound.

spk_0 And that shouldn't be reality.

spk_0 And then you'd be thinking, before you move the LA,

spk_0 you'd be like, I'll just live in an Oxnard.

spk_0 And just, you know, commute.

spk_0 Then you get out here like fuck.

spk_0 Oxnard's far.

spk_0 They're traffic.

spk_0 That's when that reality hit.

spk_0 And you figure out, you got to live in the tent.

spk_0 Don't skid row.

spk_0 That's the reality.

spk_0 So you can get the prime real estate.

spk_0 I got an audition, y'all.

spk_0 You'd be folding up your tent.

spk_0 That traffic, a tell your booty hole open.

spk_0 And then LA is Ashy, man.

spk_0 Like the Skyline ain't clear, man.

spk_0 There's some Ashy skies in LA.

spk_0 You ever go to like a little hike and griffin'

spk_0 from then you look at the Skyline?

spk_0 That shit, y'all.

spk_0 I can barely see the buildings.

spk_0 They can give you, they can be looking through the fog, man.

spk_0 It's only clear when it rains.

spk_0 That's the one thing about LA Skyline.

spk_0 And I may got two Skylines.

spk_0 I don't like that, man.

spk_0 Commit the one.

spk_0 Because you got that little die hard, you know, area

spk_0 of the die hard building.

spk_0 And then you got the other one downtown.

spk_0 I don't like, man, which one we going with, man?

spk_0 They both Ashy.

spk_0 All right, y'all.

spk_0 That's it, man.

spk_0 Tony Baker, man.

spk_0 That's it.

spk_0 You're not a Jeremiah one more time.

spk_0 I give you an over Tony Baker, ladies and gentlemen.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Once again, down.

spk_0 Oh, you got the share of names?

spk_0 Oh, man, I made the good end.

spk_0 A little custom.

spk_0 So Tony and I are going to take some suggestions together

spk_0 and see what we can do with them.

spk_0 So what do we, what do we got?

spk_0 Legit.

spk_0 Who?

spk_0 What was it?

spk_0 Re-bawk.

spk_0 Costco.

spk_0 Re-bawk and couples costumes.

spk_0

spk_0 Oh, this is more of this costume.

spk_0 Let's go.

spk_0 I'm like, this is over here because re-bawk was just too general.

spk_0 Right, right, right.

spk_0 Like re-bawk.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Sneakers.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0

spk_0 They're always, people who wear couples costumes are always

spk_0 about to break up.

spk_0 It might be a jinx on the relationship.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 It's like when you get your part in a tattooed on you.

spk_0 Yes.

spk_0 That's the jinx every time.

spk_0 Absolutely.

spk_0 It's like being on the cover of Madden, man.

spk_0 You don't want it.

spk_0 The only way I would get my girl tattooed on me is

spk_0 if she died while we was together.

spk_0 That's the, you got to die for this tattoo.

spk_0 To make it on my body for life, you got to pass away.

spk_0 You look like tragically.

spk_0 Mid pumps.

spk_0 Oh, no, no, no, not mid pumps.

spk_0 But you know what?

spk_0 This guy would be like, man, this Russian is called it.

spk_0 To stop like, we're AK47s, man.

spk_0 I got to give a shout out.

spk_0 But just on the string, we ain't love now, man.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Attached to, like before you are married or anything,

spk_0 that's destined for failure.

spk_0 May was too, man.

spk_0 Even marriage too.

spk_0 They ain't enough.

spk_0 Marriage ain't enough.

spk_0 My dad got, and my dad is in his 70s now.

spk_0 As a 70 year old man, he got his wife's tattoo on his arm and my,

spk_0 what is this middle school?

spk_0 This is crazy.

spk_0 You should know by now as an old man to not do that.

spk_0 So now they're done.

spk_0 Yeah, maybe he's just trying to get the inheritance.

spk_0 I'm saying to her, man, get the tattoo.

spk_0 Did he jazz it up, or was he just her name?

spk_0 It was like a heart and her name.

spk_0 Like old school?

spk_0 Yeah, they're like old school through the heart.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 I'm like, I'm like, this is a little label with her name on it.

spk_0 It's like, you got the little scroll?

spk_0 Yeah, I'm like, be more original.

spk_0 You're a virgin head on the wall.

spk_0 He would be like, you know what?

spk_0 I like this.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Wow.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 I can't do it.

spk_0 Nope.

spk_0 I wouldn't be able to do it.

spk_0 There's no way.

spk_0 You got to be death, man.

spk_0 Yep.

spk_0 You got to be death.

spk_0 Yep.

spk_0 Don't doubt it.

spk_0 Who was that on your arm?

spk_0 Oh, this is my girl, man.

spk_0 She fell into an incinerator.

spk_0 It was crazy.

spk_0 She was putting the bed boys.

spk_0 She's incinerator.

spk_0 She fell in, man.

spk_0 She's just like a villain.

spk_0 She fell into a chemical vat.

spk_0 Don't worry about it.

spk_0 It's a chemical plant.

spk_0 Always.

spk_0 Getting old.

spk_0 No, man.

spk_0 It's inevitable.

spk_0 Unless you get cute.

spk_0 Uh-huh.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Then you go out on your prime.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 How old do you want to be when you die?

spk_0 Um, my wife, uh, it's changed over the years.

spk_0 When I, when I, when I had kids with my wife, it's, it's gotten longer.

spk_0 But I used to be like, I'll tap out at like 40, 45.

spk_0 Really?

spk_0 I used to, when I was young, when I became 45.

spk_0 And because I'm like, the people still remember me like without like being looking old or anything like that.

spk_0 Like, I was like, that's a good age.

spk_0 But that was when I was like, you know, like as a teenager.

spk_0 Okay.

spk_0 You know, because 45 felt like, oh, when you was a teen, no, yeah.

spk_0 Like, I know.

spk_0 I've got a whole new life to it.

spk_0 Right, right, right.

spk_0 45 though.

spk_0 That's young as they are now.

spk_0 It's very young now.

spk_0 Now I'm like, I mean, this is like pumping.

spk_0 Of course.

spk_0 Yeah, yeah.

spk_0 How old are you now?

spk_0 Um, 37.

spk_0 Okay. Yeah.

spk_0 That's close.

spk_0 45.

spk_0 I know, bro.

spk_0 I know, man.

spk_0 I know that age.

spk_0 I'm the brother of a quona.

spk_0 I know.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Like, I want to be, I don't want to be so old to where I can't do stuff on my own.

spk_0 Like, if I'm just like doing this all the goddamn time, just to sit down, it's taking me 20 minutes

spk_0 just to get in the seat, man.

spk_0 It's my favorite show right here.

spk_0 It's my show right here.

spk_0 And when I tell you, man, this show right here is where, that's when I really get the juices

spk_0 going.

spk_0 And man, this show right here.

spk_0 That's when I'm talking about.

spk_0 I don't want to be that.

spk_0 Oh, I fell asleep because I sat down.

spk_0 Yep.

spk_0 So, we have to pay, it's like, you know, because I don't know the number because the numbers

spk_0 change.

spk_0 I feel like I've been...

spk_0 Well, have you seen those memes of like women in their 50s now versus women from their

spk_0 50s like 30 years ago?

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 It looks like different.

spk_0 It's insane.

spk_0 Woo!

spk_0 The black women in their 50s?

spk_0 Oh my God, I'd be looking.

spk_0 Neal long and then even Angela Bassett in her 60s, man, they'd be looking right.

spk_0 I'd be like, woo!

spk_0 The black women.

spk_0 Look at so my high, I grow on the rise.

spk_0 She's in the bikinis and shit, she's in her 50s.

spk_0 Man, I'd be like, man, what's happening?

spk_0 And the Golden Girls were way younger than her.

spk_0 Golden Girls was my young.

spk_0 That's what's crazy about the whole thing.

spk_0 Golden Girls was young.

spk_0 They're in their late 30s?

spk_0 Oh wow, they, okay.

spk_0 Boy, they wasn't in their late 30s.

spk_0 No, you camping on that.

spk_0 They was 50s.

spk_0 Late 30s.

spk_0 You were in their 30s?

spk_0

spk_0 Be author was not in her 30s in the Golden Girls.

spk_0 Talk about shady finds, man.

spk_0 I love the Golden Girls by the way.

spk_0 Yeah, that show was fine.

spk_0 That's great.

spk_0 But they was like, because I know Estelle Gettie was way younger than she portrayed.

spk_0 But yeah.

spk_0 Let's grab another one.

spk_0 Break dancing.

spk_0 Uh, Asian people.

spk_0 And nerdy white dudes kill it.

spk_0 Oh yeah, for sure.

spk_0 Like they're the surprise card.

spk_0 Like we know black people are going to be good at it.

spk_0 Right, right.

spk_0 But like, like an Asian dude will come up out of nowhere.

spk_0 Like, Asian people are killing it.

spk_0 I mean, they study it.

spk_0 Because I feel like black folks, we like, yeah, all right, we off that.

spk_0 I feel like we left it in the 80s.

spk_0 Right.

spk_0 But everybody else is like, nah, man, you left it too early.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 We over here in Japan getting it in.

spk_0 Yeah, yeah.

spk_0 They'd be killing it though.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 I'll be amazed.

spk_0 I mean, that's the whole thing with like K-pop and everything.

spk_0 They treat that like a sport.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 It's business over there.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 I remember, um, because I'm old enough to remember the 80s.

spk_0 And, uh, we was break dancing this shit.

spk_0 I was like, yo, man, I could, I could never get the windmill with a helicopter, whatever you want to call it.

spk_0 Oh, the legs just be doing it.

spk_0 I could never master that.

spk_0 So I was spinning on my head and spinning on my back.

spk_0 I think I was doing something.

spk_0 We get the car board out on the floor and you're like, yeah, yeah, working tone.

spk_0 Sometimes they were having to work me up.

spk_0 Yeah, my leg.

spk_0 Get them going.

spk_0 You have people that are spending a good year.

spk_0

spk_0 Yeah, I was getting smart and tough.

spk_0 I was like, yo, Leon, spin me up, man.

spk_0 He was just, beat street was playing on the TV.

spk_0 Beat street.

spk_0 The king of the beat.

spk_0 He was like, yo, rockin' that beat from across the street.

spk_0 And then I would end like this shit.

spk_0 But then we bailed out.

spk_0 We was like, all right, man, we ain't dancing no more.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Then the death row era, we wasn't dancing no more.

spk_0 We was like the chronic, man.

spk_0 We just standin' around looking at shit, man.

spk_0 Making sure these busters ain't rolling up, man.

spk_0 Couldn't even, the women dance.

spk_0 We like, yeah, fuck all that bitch.

spk_0 Yeah, I had no fun out here.

spk_0 I always wanted to be the lookout for the gangs.

spk_0 I was like, guys, you'll never know who's down the street.

spk_0 That's a good, that's a good gig, right?

spk_0 That would've been cool.

spk_0 You'd be on the rooftop.

spk_0 Hey, guys.

spk_0 The officer comin'.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 That's a good gig.

spk_0 Go to do the flip-de-pigens.

spk_0 The person that just clapped and then the pizza's taken.

spk_0 Oh, gee, you got a scatter.

spk_0 Yeah, yeah, you could do that.

spk_0 You even got the same thing.

spk_0 Just clapped the pigeons though.

spk_0 I mean, well, I got the nose for it.

spk_0 They speak my language.

spk_0 How's he got a beak?

spk_0 Whoo, whoo, whoo.

spk_0 He could talk or shit to you.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 And tell you what, I don't know what he talkin' about.

spk_0 Sick of.

spk_0 Blockbuster.

spk_0 Blockbuster?

spk_0 I was sad when that died.

spk_0 Right?

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 The nostalgia of being able to look directly

spk_0 at the physical copies right in front of you.

spk_0 And just take it.

spk_0 You know what?

spk_0 Everybody be sayin' that.

spk_0 But it's y'all fault.

spk_0 You wouldn't take in your asses in there and give them business.

spk_0 Everybody's like, I'm Miss Blockbuster while I wasn't your ass in there

spk_0 and give them money then.

spk_0 It's all about making money, right?

spk_0 That's why they closed down.

spk_0 People quit goin'.

spk_0 But everybody was like, we miss it.

spk_0 What the fuck was you at?

spk_0 If I was a Blockbuster CEO, man, fuck y'all, man.

spk_0 How much you miss us.

spk_0 You wasn't showin' up.

spk_0 Nobody was ridden from us.

spk_0 Now you miss us, man.

spk_0 Fuck y'all.

spk_0 We had the titles, man.

spk_0 We had the boxes sittin' there.

spk_0 We had seven copies of my best friend's wedding.

spk_0 Nobody came.

spk_0 Nobody was showin' up.

spk_0 Now you miss us.

spk_0 Guys, there's a reason why Tony Baker's one of my favorites is in the show.

spk_0 Give it up for Tony Baker, nice job.

spk_0 And sweatin'.

spk_0 Wow.

spk_0 Look at that ex and out.

spk_0 Alright, guys, I'm so excited for your next comedienne, government state.

spk_0 How's the energy you're doin' here?

spk_0 We doin' good.

spk_0 Your next comedian, I absolutely love you.

spk_0

spk_0 I'm watching.

spk_0 She's a legend.

spk_0 You may know her from Sabrina the Teenage Witch.

spk_0 Hollywood Squares Film Television.

spk_0 For years and years, please wear my palette.

spk_0 The great.

spk_0 Caroline Wright to the stage ladies and gentlemen, come on.

spk_0 Caroline Wright.

spk_0 I love Jeremiah.

spk_0 Hello.

spk_0 Jeremiah, I love Jeremiah.

spk_0 He's so talented, but he didn't tell me what's happening so I don't know.

spk_0 And what are we doing?

spk_0 Sorry, just, you know what?

spk_0 I don't ever read the directions, but there's like an adorable gay something.

spk_0 I don't know what it is.

spk_0 I don't know what it is, but I want to be on that show.

spk_0 I don't know.

spk_0 Just really, it's the gay bachelor, which is, yeah, which is called Tuesday.

spk_0 And you with the tied up beard, was it getting out of hand?

spk_0 Is that why we tied it up?

spk_0 What was happening?

spk_0 I just, you wanted to look like a shoelace that burst and it's worked.

spk_0 Completely.

spk_0 Sorry, I'm very visual.

spk_0 I'm usually the one that I'm not on TV right now so I can see you.

spk_0 And I like to know, yeah, look at this.

spk_0 And you know what?

spk_0 This is what it is.

spk_0 I look at you and I go, this is the after-school generation.

spk_0 That's when you watch Sabrina, right?

spk_0 After school.

spk_0 Yes, okay.

spk_0 You sir are my age and you didn't watch Sabrina.

spk_0 And if you did, it's super creepy.

spk_0 Okay.

spk_0 It's super creepy.

spk_0 Do you remember what am I supposed to do?

spk_0 Take audience suggestions and create...

spk_0 Take audience suggestions?

spk_0 It's just about all sorts of stuff?

spk_0 Okay, let's go with stock picks.

spk_0 Now what?

spk_0 I was not material, you're going to rip on whatever...

spk_0 I can rip on whatever they want.

spk_0 Oh, do you have...

spk_0 Do you have a suggestion for me?

spk_0 This seems awfully needy.

spk_0 What would you like me to do?

spk_0 I'm so codependent, I'm literally asking the audience out of pleased them.

spk_0 Okay, all right.

spk_0 No one needs a shot from that angle anywhere.

spk_0 Hi, like right there, that's where it was.

spk_0 I'm going to tell you a story that I went to the Hollywood Bowl the other day.

spk_0 And it was Brahms Requiem.

spk_0 And I...

spk_0 Anyway, it was like fancy pants, whatever.

spk_0 And for some reason I decided to have an ice cream cone on the way.

spk_0 And they gave me the biggest widest ice cream cone I've ever seen.

spk_0 And everyone was like drinking wine.

spk_0 And everyone was in their early 100s.

spk_0 And I...

spk_0 Like it's rare that I'm the youngest at an event.

spk_0 But I was like, oh, everyone has a walker.

spk_0 And I...

spk_0 I was like...

spk_0 I felt like original hips.

spk_0 Anyway, very impressive.

spk_0 And so anyway, so they gave me this ice cream cone.

spk_0 And I look...

spk_0 I'm not kidding you guys.

spk_0 It's sort of de-leaked from the bottom.

spk_0 And I'll over and I'm like...

spk_0 With this giant cone, I looked like I was auditioning for if they did porn on PBS.

spk_0 It was just like...

spk_0 Ah!

spk_0 It was like all over my face.

spk_0 And everyone else is like, did you enjoy the shard and I'm like, ah!

spk_0 Ah!

spk_0 Anyway, you, you there, judgey pants.

spk_0 Ah!

spk_0 Okay, I'm sorry I said the thing about the shoelace, alright?

spk_0 There was so much more I could have made fun of and I stopped.

spk_0 Where do you fit in?

spk_0 Are you guys a thrupple?

spk_0 No, you're not.

spk_0 Absolutely not.

spk_0 Do you have 14 bodyguards keeping joy away from you?

spk_0 What's happening?

spk_0 Why?

spk_0 Why are you looking at absolutely not?

spk_0 Now, are you in a thrupple?

spk_0 No, because you don't know what it is.

spk_0 And I...

spk_0 It's a couple, but one of them has a list.

spk_0 So I...

spk_0 This is fun just staring at you young people.

spk_0 Look at you looking at me like this.

spk_0 Oh, until this so different on television.

spk_0 Yes, I know.

spk_0 I know, it's weird.

spk_0 I was me before I was her.

spk_0 You have to remember that.

spk_0 Even though I get handheld or written on my Starbucks cup all the time.

spk_0 I know, isn't that cute?

spk_0 I always don't tip them.

spk_0 And anyway, no!

spk_0 You have to tip for the rest of your life when you're famous, whatever.

spk_0 Okay, this is why I fear being famous.

spk_0 Because this is a terrible story that I'm going to tell.

spk_0 Anyway, do you know who Susan Lutcius?

spk_0 Yes.

spk_0 Okay, so a billion years ago, my friend Jennifer followed her into the bathroom

spk_0 because famous people sometimes get followed, right?

spk_0 And she was very gassy.

spk_0 And from this day forward, that's what they call it when someone is gassy.

spk_0 They Lutcci.

spk_0 And I...

spk_0 And I say it.

spk_0 I'm like, did someone Lutcci?

spk_0 And now all of you know that.

spk_0 I don't know, anyway, whatever.

spk_0 I don't know.

spk_0 Now I have a stomach ache.

spk_0 Are you dating?

spk_0 Sibling.

spk_0 Oh!

spk_0 Sorry.

spk_0 Why did I ask that?

spk_0 You kind of look like siblings.

spk_0 Your hair matches his scar.

spk_0 That's weird.

spk_0 Do you have a scar?

spk_0 Is it a scar?

spk_0 No.

spk_0 Oh, it's fake?

spk_0 Oh, is it fake scar?

spk_0 You freaks!

spk_0 What's happening?

spk_0 Now it's fake.

spk_0 It attracts people who enjoy beating me.

spk_0 Oh, my God, yes.

spk_0 Okay, you're open.

spk_0 And like a wound.

spk_0 Okay, all right.

spk_0 Why are you wearing sandals?

spk_0 No one should see toes.

spk_0 Anyway, I...

spk_0 Why?

spk_0 Oh, my God, you're showing the toes.

spk_0 Okay, that's why.

spk_0 Why am I being followed by R2D2 ever where I go?

spk_0 It's like my own little way-mo.

spk_0 What about Sunset Boulevard?

spk_0 What?

spk_0 Is that how it works?

spk_0 You yelled random shit at me?

spk_0 Like Sunset Boulevard?

spk_0 Panics, okay.

spk_0 One time I was on Sunset Boulevard.

spk_0 Now, oh, I need a better one.

spk_0 No, okay, God, talk about panic.

spk_0 You just gave me an anxiety attack that I haven't had in years and years.

spk_0 What about Sunset Boulevard?

spk_0 How much time could you run a timer?

spk_0 Sunset Boulevard.

spk_0 Nothing.

spk_0 I...

spk_0 Is there a pass option?

spk_0 Now go ahead, yell something else out.

spk_0 Something different.

spk_0 What?

spk_0 Forest Gump.

spk_0 Forest Gump?

spk_0 What?

spk_0 Therapy.

spk_0 Dear face?

spk_0 Therapy.

spk_0 Therapy, but I heard dear face, so...

spk_0 Luckily, I have 20 minutes prepared on dear face.

spk_0 Which was my prostitute name when I worked Sunset Boulevard.

spk_0 Thank you.

spk_0 I would make all the men take a forest Gump on me.

spk_0 Just violent disgusting.

spk_0 Any of those words?

spk_0 Okay, so it's sort of like nonsense word.

spk_0 You're so bored and nonchalant.

spk_0 Did you come from a long day of modeling?

spk_0 You're literally like this.

spk_0 Did you model today?

spk_0 No, I'm not.

spk_0 No, you did not.

spk_0 What did you do?

spk_0 I worked on studies and then...

spk_0 I don't believe you.

spk_0 What kind of studies?

spk_0 French, Spanish and German.

spk_0 French what?

spk_0 Spanish.

spk_0 You know what?

spk_0 I don't know if you've watched the news lately.

spk_0 It's great stuff's going on.

spk_0 And I feel like they need a new way of saying breaking news.

spk_0 It's like, oh my god, every 15 minutes.

spk_0 It's like maybe less breaking news.

spk_0 Anyway, you.

spk_0 What's your name?

spk_0

spk_0 Abdul?

spk_0 Okay.

spk_0 And you know what?

spk_0 He's racist.

spk_0 And he...

spk_0 No, literally you said Abdul and he went, huh.

spk_0 And we don't do things like that.

spk_0 Okay.

spk_0 I'm exhausted by you people.

spk_0 I don't want you to think of me as older.

spk_0 I want you to think of me as from the future.

spk_0 I'm going to tell you guys a story that I never have ever told on a stage before.

spk_0 Could you just yell out, what's your name?

spk_0 Sunset.

spk_0 Jen.

spk_0 Oh, Jen.

spk_0 Oh, thanks for yelling that out.

spk_0 It's about Jen Coolidge.

spk_0 Anyway, I see she did a suggestion and then...

spk_0 You're so adorable.

spk_0 You look like you're literally going to burst out of your own frame.

spk_0 You're so muscular.

spk_0 Total GI Joe.

spk_0 Is he yours?

spk_0 No.

spk_0 I can have him.

spk_0 Thank you so much, I'm full.

spk_0 And I...

spk_0 But it's nice to be given like that.

spk_0 All right.

spk_0 How old are you?

spk_0 42.

spk_0 Seriously?

spk_0 You look like a child.

spk_0 Like a big giant child.

spk_0 Anyway.

spk_0 Sunset.

spk_0 37.

spk_0 Are you single?

spk_0 No.

spk_0 Oh, I'm sorry.

spk_0 You were blocked by the giant choules.

spk_0 Okay.

spk_0 All right.

spk_0 Okay.

spk_0 There is a...

spk_0 That's all I can see.

spk_0 I had...

spk_0 It's like so not visual.

spk_0 Look at these.

spk_0 If I had to literally draw a picture of Edibles and what they would look like as humans,

spk_0 that's what I would look like.

spk_0 I would draw Sativa and whatever the little one is.

spk_0 And like, you know, the girl one and the hat...

spk_0 Like, look at the little Edibles.

spk_0 Like instead of the little rascals, they'd be like the little Edibles.

spk_0 Look at them.

spk_0 With their moustaches that were literally grown when they were 12.

spk_0 And anyway.

spk_0 So cute, little Edibles.

spk_0 Sativa and what's the other one?

spk_0 Indika.

spk_0 Indika, thank you so much.

spk_0 Did you say it?

spk_0 I don't...

spk_0 Did you guys get lost?

spk_0 Why are you here?

spk_0 You have a suggestion for me?

spk_0 Is it to be quiet?

spk_0 I agree.

spk_0 You have a suggestion...

spk_0 No, how did you get here?

spk_0 And I have a story.

spk_0 Anyway, what is it?

spk_0 What's your suggestion?

spk_0 You're newlyweds.

spk_0 Wow.

spk_0 Oh my God.

spk_0 That is really good.

spk_0 You are newlyweds.

spk_0 I feel very young.

spk_0 What do you mean you're newlyweds?

spk_0 When did you guys meet?

spk_0 Was it on Facebook, Match, Bumble?

spk_0 AARP.

spk_0 How many years ago?

spk_0 50 years ago.

spk_0 You're a very patient woman.

spk_0 Wow.

spk_0 I know he's going to propose sometime in the next 100 years.

spk_0 I feel like I'm going to get married in the next 50 years.

spk_0 That's such a window.

spk_0 You know what I mean?

spk_0 You met 50 years ago.

spk_0 Yes.

spk_0 Okay.

spk_0 And...

spk_0 We both lost our spouses.

spk_0 Okay.

spk_0 And then we got together to talk about that.

spk_0 Here we are.

spk_0

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 I know it's your love story, but it was terribly told.

spk_0 And I...

spk_0 Because we were hooked in that you lost your spouses,

spk_0 which, you know what, it sounds like you couldn't find them.

spk_0 Just the way you're deciding it.

spk_0 And I haven't seen them. Have you seen her?

spk_0 No. Okay.

spk_0 So you lost your spouses, but then how did you find each other again?

spk_0 You answered to get together and we talked about these nice spouses.

spk_0 Okay.

spk_0 Sexy.

spk_0 All right. And...

spk_0 Did you give me the light?

spk_0 Is the hell over?

spk_0 Okay. Wait.

spk_0 I don't know.

spk_0 Now you're going to come up?

spk_0 Where you're right together?

spk_0 Okay. Good.

spk_0 I'm going to tell you a story.

spk_0 Can I say, no, no, come here.

spk_0 No, because you'll be so happy.

spk_0 Okay.

spk_0

spk_0 Okay.

spk_0 Yes, please.

spk_0 Okay.

spk_0 Yes, please.

spk_0

spk_0 I feel...

spk_0 I feel like I just rushed a sorority for seniors.

spk_0 That's what I feel like.

spk_0 Guys, this is your first time doing a stand-up on this spot.

spk_0 Wasn't that a ground ball?

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Okay.

spk_0 It's only because...

spk_0 The ROG row of gays.

spk_0 I...

spk_0 Okay.

spk_0 So I used to always be a judge at Best in Drag Show.

spk_0 Do you know what that is?

spk_0 Anyway, my father was...

spk_0 Whatever.

spk_0 In the 1990s, he was a doctor.

spk_0 He was not conservative.

spk_0 He was very open and wonderful, but he was a little bit uptight and nerdy.

spk_0 Anyway.

spk_0 So I took him to this event.

spk_0 I said, Dad, these are going to be drag queens.

spk_0 So they're like men dressed as very beautiful women.

spk_0 And they're going to compete in a beauty pageant.

spk_0 And my father was like, all right, great.

spk_0 Got it.

spk_0 Okay.

spk_0 And then Jennifer Coolidge came on to do the opening statement.

spk_0 And my father turned to me and said, he should win.

spk_0 Oh, the gays are happy.

spk_0 Not here.

spk_0 Come on.

spk_0 A little...

spk_0 What are the gays?

spk_0 This one is Jim.

spk_0 And she yelled no.

spk_0 That's insane.

spk_0 No, that's insane.

spk_0

spk_0 God made it for that sunset.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Anyway.

spk_0 So what are we going to do?

spk_0 So we're literally going to take a few suggestions together and see what we can do with them.

spk_0 Okay.

spk_0 And riff on them and see what we can do with it.

spk_0 Was it?

spk_0 Yes, I am in that movie.

spk_0 And I just want you to know that we didn't know any of our lines and we wrote them all over the bakery.

spk_0 And we were in this movie with Heather Locklear.

spk_0 My best friend came with me and I.

spk_0 And it was in a bakery.

spk_0 And every day we ate the props.

spk_0 Every day.

spk_0 And we just got fatter and fatter on that set.

spk_0 And one day Kim was walking down the street and she dropped her phone and she was too fat to pick it up.

spk_0 And she kicked it along the ground.

spk_0 And then she saw this young girl coming and she goes, can you pick that up?

spk_0 We're too fat to bend.

spk_0 And we were both like, we were too fat to bend.

spk_0 And then the girl said, here you go, Kim.

spk_0 And I was like, oh, God, she knows your name.

spk_0 Because it was Hillary Duff.

spk_0 That's who she asked to do it.

spk_0 Sorry.

spk_0 Whoa.

spk_0 Dang.

spk_0 Tell me about your shoes.

spk_0 Oh, they're just basketball shoes.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 They're Kevin Durant and Nike's.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 I don't know anything about basketball.

spk_0 If you continue, just one more time to photograph my lower body.

spk_0 Excuse me.

spk_0 Oh.

spk_0 Whoa.

spk_0 How can I just live and stand there alone in a wild cell?

spk_0 And I'm most like curious poses.

spk_0 I feel the heat, the heat between me and maybe I'm just a man.

spk_0 That was like an orgasm dance.

spk_0 I was watching you.

spk_0 It was too much.

spk_0 I had to go for it.

spk_0 Oh, God.

spk_0 I feel like no offense.

spk_0 But this is like community service for comedians.

spk_0 I mean, it's just like, I'm sorry.

spk_0 It's just like, I'm more of him.

spk_0 Rob, what did I do?

spk_0 Oh, man.

spk_0 I went over the light.

spk_0 Well, let's do one more.

spk_0 What do you say?

spk_0 Okay, let's do it.

spk_0 Okay.

spk_0 Base of base.

spk_0 What was it?

spk_0 Swarm of bees.

spk_0 Okay.

spk_0 A-I-R-Hab.

spk_0 I would like swarm of bees.

spk_0 Swarm of bees.

spk_0 You like swarm of bees?

spk_0 Have you ever been stung before?

spk_0 Okay.

spk_0 I was in Hawaii and I was having a fight with the...

spk_0 Have you ever been having a fight?

spk_0 Like, you and I are in a car and you're the guy and we're having a fight?

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Okay.

spk_0 And you know you're so mad at the person that you're like an owl?

spk_0 Like, your head is almost all the way around.

spk_0 Like, you're like, I am not here.

spk_0 And I was like this.

spk_0 I was so fully white owl mode.

spk_0 And we're driving in Hawaii.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 And then I...

spk_0 The thing was down.

spk_0 What do you call it?

spk_0 The top.

spk_0 Okay.

spk_0 It was a tricky word.

spk_0 It's not like it was right here.

spk_0 All right, it was.

spk_0 Anyway, okay.

spk_0 So that...

spk_0 We're in a Jeep.

spk_0 Okay.

spk_0 And we're in Hawaii.

spk_0 We're having a fight.

spk_0 And all of a sudden I turned to the horrible stinky revolting guy Steve, you can google him.

spk_0 And I...

spk_0 I said, can you pull over please?

spk_0 I've been shot.

spk_0 And you've been stung by a bee?

spk_0 Yes, but I've been stung by a bee at like 75 miles per hour.

spk_0 Like the bee passed us.

spk_0 It was going so fast.

spk_0 And then my...

spk_0 And then rammed itself in my back.

spk_0 So I was like, just I've been shot.

spk_0 And he was shocked that I was shot.

spk_0 Hey, well, well, you've been shot.

spk_0 What are you talking about?

spk_0 Just...

spk_0 I don't have my epi-pan and I have 14 seconds to live.

spk_0 So I need you to take me to the hospital.

spk_0 Okay.

spk_0 Do you have your phone on you or...

spk_0 This is before phones.

spk_0 Okay, well, we're going to pull over to a gas station real quick and ask our directions to the nearest hospital.

spk_0 No, I'm not talking to you.

spk_0 I...

spk_0 Guys, keep it going for Caroline and Ryan.

spk_0 Thank you, guys.

spk_0 How are we feeling out there?

spk_0 We doing good?

spk_0 Yeah!

spk_0

spk_0 What's up, dudes?

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spk_0 And we got another one for that eyes.

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spk_0 I'm gonna be winning and I'm gonna be rock hard doing that.

spk_0 Y'all I'll be selling merch after the show.

spk_0 I'll be selling merch after the show.

spk_0 This is Shanks right here.

spk_0 This is Shanks.

spk_0 And if you want, I can draw a sharpie of me putting a f***ing this lady's mouth after the show.

spk_0 She ate my dad's ass.

spk_0 Did she eat yours?

spk_0 No.

spk_0 Damn.

spk_0 Yeah, that's grounds for breaking up right there.

spk_0 Don't eat the dad's ass and not the sons.

spk_0 Right.

spk_0 Eat the sons.

spk_0 Right, I'm the son.

spk_0 Eat this.

spk_0 Alright.

spk_0 Your next comedian coming to the stage right here right now.

spk_0 What can I say about this guy?

spk_0 He's one of my favorite comics.

spk_0 He's one of yours, you know.

spk_0 Go to it, I'm not going to.

spk_0 I don't know how to do it.

spk_0 I told him that he's one of the funniest people alive and if he just tries to do the show, I think he's going to be successful at this show.

spk_0 I think if he tries to have a good time, then he's...

spk_0 We shall f***ing see.

spk_0 We shall see.

spk_0 Because he is from Bad Friends.

spk_0 He's from Tiger Belly.

spk_0 You can see his Hulu special in 2026.

spk_0 Please welcome my favorite guy.

spk_0 He's from the comic.

spk_0 It's Bobby Lee, ladies and gentlemen.

spk_0 APPLAUSE

spk_0 We're in Pepper Julem by Walkins Ladies and gentlemen.

spk_0 Woo!

spk_0 F*** yeah!

spk_0 We got white Americans here.

spk_0 Thanks for coming up.

spk_0 I love your soft white skin.

spk_0 This might be a bit of a kind.

spk_0 Asians are alright.

spk_0 But anyway, one more time for everyone you've seen everybody.

spk_0 Yeah!

spk_0 Woo!

spk_0 Hola, K-Tow!

spk_0 That felt racist.

spk_0 What are you?

spk_0 F*** yeah, I got a right.

spk_0 I got a right!

spk_0 Asian?

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0

spk_0 Soudi...

spk_0 Okay.

spk_0 Did I say anything?

spk_0 I don't know.

spk_0 I'm already bombing.

spk_0 It's fine.

spk_0 Uh...

spk_0 What happens now?

spk_0 Ruf top Koreans.

spk_0 Ruf top Koreans?

spk_0 What?

spk_0

spk_0 What the f***?

spk_0 That was my favorite time.

spk_0 Hey black people, you touch you by.

spk_0 No browsing.

spk_0 What are you browsing for?

spk_0 What are you going to liquor store?

spk_0 I want the Kit Kat.

spk_0 So I just pick it up and buy it.

spk_0 Not you guys, you're like, oh no, I don't want it.

spk_0 No, but the Ruf top Koreans.

spk_0 Well, you know, what if they just protect their own store, right?

spk_0 Yeah, I would do it on my f***ing rooftop in my home.

spk_0 But I have nothing to steal.

spk_0 Anything else?

spk_0 See?

spk_0 See what happens?

spk_0 I did.

spk_0 Bugs?

spk_0 What?

spk_0 Bugs?

spk_0 What?

spk_0

spk_0 You know, one time I was with a girl, right?

spk_0 And I was 23 years old and I got Jennifer Field, that was her name.

spk_0 And we were at her house and, you know, we're getting hot and heavy.

spk_0 And I pulled my pants down and she goes, what a cute little bug.

spk_0 Look at you, right?

spk_0 But it's like more of a minion, you know what I mean?

spk_0 It's yellow, it's got goggles, it's got overalls.

spk_0 It's says thing, which I love.

spk_0 It's actually the size of a yellow f***ing, you know what I mean?

spk_0 But I'm a grower, not a shower, you know what I mean?

spk_0 It grows not distanced, it's just a thickness.

spk_0 It grows into a spam can.

spk_0 You need a tool to open it, you know what I mean?

spk_0 Those tools, those spam tools, I've never been able to open those.

spk_0 I just crushed it on the ground and open it.

spk_0 Does you like spam?

spk_0 Okay, okay, I don't know where you're from, but I only talk to Americans.

spk_0 We don't only have a hat.

spk_0 What did I just do?

spk_0 Wait, Australian?

spk_0 Yeah, f***, I was close.

spk_0 All right?

spk_0 Okay, I don't give a f***, but let me say something.

spk_0 I want to try to do an Australian, New Zealand accent.

spk_0 Say one sentence.

spk_0 How are you doing?

spk_0 Every time I do an accent, there's always Asian in it.

spk_0 Right?

spk_0 Like if I do an English accent, hello, how are y'all?

spk_0 Right?

spk_0 Anyway.

spk_0 She's English?

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Good morning.

spk_0 Hello.

spk_0 Excuse me.

spk_0 The weather was very fun, Dundee.

spk_0 Malayli.

spk_0 Tutu.

spk_0 Is Tutu a thing?

spk_0 I don't know.

spk_0 Anything else?

spk_0 You're telling an accent.

spk_0 You know, you're being f***ing girls come around here.

spk_0 With their f***ing guns and everything, you know what I'm telling you?

spk_0 You're telling me not to f*** a tradition of the family, you know?

spk_0 We just smoke games and put my mom alone, but they're ballon.

spk_0 You know?

spk_0 And I go, p-p-pop and you f***ing die.

spk_0 I'm gonna get f***ing die.

spk_0 I'm gonna get my f***ing die.

spk_0 Pretty good.

spk_0 Give me another one.

spk_0 I think I'm on a roll.

spk_0 Give me another one.

spk_0 What?

spk_0 Pokemon?

spk_0 I've never seen it.

spk_0 I know it's yellow.

spk_0 I know when I'm naked, I look like Pikachu.

spk_0 But a Pikachu had diabetes.

spk_0 I'm more like a scallop actually, you know what I mean?

spk_0 But I know what Pikachu looks like.

spk_0 Let me try.

spk_0 E-B-D-Me-N-E.

spk_0 Close?

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0

spk_0 Pikachu.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Right?

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 You know when I come, that's what I say.

spk_0 And the women don't like it.

spk_0 I go, I'm calling Pikachu.

spk_0 I go, shut the f*** up.

spk_0 Haunted houses, holy shit.

spk_0 Haunted houses.

spk_0 Well, you know my dad died.

spk_0 I know this is funny, but my brother and I, um,

spk_0 the ashes, right?

spk_0 I said I want the bottom half of the ashes.

spk_0 And I want my brother to have the top half of the ashes.

spk_0 Because I don't want the bottom half of my dad haunting my house

spk_0 is not that scary.

spk_0 You just hear footsteps and shit?

spk_0 My brother gets boo-doo.

spk_0 I'm a yodatu.

spk_0 Boo-doo.

spk_0 When people die, do they still have accents up there?

spk_0 When people die, like, if you're 600 pounds,

spk_0 I use 600 pounds up and heaven.

spk_0 How do you get to the pearly gay children?

spk_0 What if we die just fall?

spk_0 Okay, anyway, um, just number of eyes.

spk_0 Boo-doo.

spk_0 What the f*** are they?

spk_0 What?

spk_0 I know they're demons, yeah, yeah.

spk_0 I hook up with a girl, either, not there,

spk_0 a couple months ago.

spk_0 And she had three looboo with the tattoo or f***ing purse.

spk_0 And she took a shower.

spk_0 I took him and I wiped one of them in my butthole.

spk_0 What do they worth?

spk_0 Like, 600 bucks, whatever?

spk_0 Not that one.

spk_0 250 now.

spk_0 250.

spk_0 850 f*** you, sir!

spk_0 You know there's the market value of f***ing looboo's.

spk_0 How much are looboo's, seriously?

spk_0 Are they really 850?

spk_0 What?

spk_0 $6?

spk_0 $60.

spk_0 For the cheap ones.

spk_0 $5.

spk_0 $5?

spk_0 Dude, what do you have?

spk_0 Treads?

spk_0 What the f*** is going on?

spk_0 $6.55.

spk_0 $5.60.

spk_0 What if we really do have treads?

spk_0 I'm so sorry, sir.

spk_0 $6.50 for like $5.

spk_0 We're done with that.

spk_0 We're done with that portion, you know what I mean?

spk_0 I tried the treads, it didn't work, let's up a vine, you know?

spk_0 Ah!

spk_0 That's the way you f***ing see it.

spk_0 I don't like that.

spk_0 Are you good at eating?

spk_0 F***ing f***ing.

spk_0 Yeah, do I like the confidence?

spk_0 Is that your girl?

spk_0 I know.

spk_0 What?

spk_0 Your friend?

spk_0 You have a do you want to?

spk_0 I want to.

spk_0 Have you ever had somebody...

spk_0 Is this too personal or what?

spk_0 Okay, good.

spk_0 On your first date, have you ever had somebody eat your vouch?

spk_0 Why?

spk_0 How long does it take?

spk_0 A while?

spk_0 Like a week?

spk_0 No, week.

spk_0 F***ing week!

spk_0 Why?

spk_0 Because you don't know why.

spk_0 It's intimate.

spk_0 Yeah, yeah.

spk_0 If one day blow, that's not it's a day.

spk_0 I don't wait a week.

spk_0 Yeah?

spk_0 Is that your girl?

spk_0 No.

spk_0 Okay.

spk_0 What is going on here guys?

spk_0 Are these first dates?

spk_0 I love it.

spk_0 You know what I feel like?

spk_0 You do want to.

spk_0 Yeah, you do want to, but she doesn't want to.

spk_0 But you still hang out with her because you're in the limerence.

spk_0 Seriously, how do you feel about her?

spk_0 How do you feel about her?

spk_0 Your twins?

spk_0 I just got half hard.

spk_0 Oh my gosh.

spk_0 It's one of my preferacious polishest.

spk_0 Please tell me you hook up.

spk_0 I'm kidding.

spk_0 Are you guys really twins?

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Your sister's hot.

spk_0 Can I say it?

spk_0 Okay.

spk_0 I'm f***ing in prison.

spk_0 I'll be the bottom.

spk_0 I'm lazy.

spk_0 I pump up.

spk_0 You'll come.

spk_0 All right.

spk_0 Jeremiah Wacom is bringing back up everybody.

spk_0 Jeremiah Wacom.

spk_0 Guys, keep it going for Bobby Lee.

spk_0 Oh.

spk_0 Oh my god.

spk_0 Did he not do greater what?

spk_0 Because I cheated.

spk_0 I cheated.

spk_0 Just that one bit.

spk_0 Just the one bit.

spk_0 I guess it's the one bit.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Are you worried makeup?

spk_0 No.

spk_0 Yeah, you are, dude.

spk_0 I'm not.

spk_0 It's so sad.

spk_0 I'm not sure that you f***ing changed, dude.

spk_0 Madison's Adam Ray and Coney Hinge, Cliff Olwood.

spk_0 You were talking about.

spk_0 I don't know what you're talking about.

spk_0 You're talking about the Hawk.

spk_0 Not because, oh, that was me.

spk_0 I was just right.

spk_0 No, you're handsome.

spk_0 No, it's fine.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 But I'm not wearing makeup.

spk_0 People look like you.

spk_0 Okay.

spk_0 I look like Bradley Cooper.

spk_0 With if he was in a microwave.

spk_0 Okay, perfect.

spk_0 I knew it's always an ailment or something that follows.

spk_0

spk_0 When people say I look like I celebrate.

spk_0 You look like Bradley Cooper.

spk_0 Oh, I do?

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 If we had lay stages of his.

spk_0 Okay, cool.

spk_0 I think my glory was better.

spk_0 What do we do now?

spk_0 We get it, takes suggestions to get together, Bob.

spk_0 Oh, I can't move.

spk_0 I don't care if they're all kept, can't wait.

spk_0 You excited?

spk_0 Let's try it.

spk_0 Let's see what we got.

spk_0 What do we got?

spk_0 Gina Groom.

spk_0 What is that?

spk_0 I'm going to do it again.

spk_0 Adrenaline? Is that like a saliva?

spk_0 Baby's blood?

spk_0 Oh my god.

spk_0 What, what holy shit.

spk_0 Would you know have you?

spk_0 I'm not saying first, have you?

spk_0 I haven't, have you?

spk_0 I haven't. No.

spk_0 But would you?

spk_0 Of course I haven't.

spk_0 But would you?

spk_0 You look very young, would you?

spk_0 If I found it on the side of the street, yes.

spk_0 I'm not gonna go capture it, go to a lab, stick the tubes in.

spk_0 But if it's like roadkill, I would maybe taste it.

spk_0 I don't know.

spk_0 So you're like a casual like cane guy where it's like, if it's at the party,

spk_0 if it's at the party, I'll do it.

spk_0 And Adrenaline Chrome is being served.

spk_0

spk_0 And you might take a little time.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 But what is this supposed to do for you?

spk_0 Adrenaline Chrome.

spk_0 Are you like reset?

spk_0 Am I saying it wrong?

spk_0 It keeps you young.

spk_0 Do you look good?

spk_0 I'm 68 years old.

spk_0 I don't need no Adrenaline Chrome, bro.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Yeah?

spk_0 I'm actually 54 years old.

spk_0 Come on, man.

spk_0 What if you could sell Asian on the market?

spk_0 I can't.

spk_0 Like, I'm a white guy who's like starting to crack and stuff.

spk_0 And I'm just like, hey, yeah.

spk_0 You guess what that is?

spk_0 Well, you just started to crack.

spk_0 That's why you were making makeup.

spk_0

spk_0 Showbiz Jeremiah.

spk_0 Wait, why is your showbiz Jeremiah I'm jerking off to CEOs?

spk_0 Showbiz Jeremiah.

spk_0 It's hard to do, but I know.

spk_0 Is it from the same guy?

spk_0 What the fuck, dude?

spk_0 You shut the fuck up.

spk_0 We're going to go to here.

spk_0 Yeah, let's grab something over here.

spk_0 Spain?

spk_0 Oh, God.

spk_0 We love Spain.

spk_0 Spain.

spk_0 Have you been fighting?

spk_0 Bullfighting.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 You know, Matador.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Is Matador a cape or is it a rug?

spk_0 I don't know.

spk_0 Are you ready to say what's been coming around for you guys or are you

spk_0

spk_0 Oh, the, the, yeah, is it a blanket?

spk_0 What is it?

spk_0 It's a red, some kind of a red cloth.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Yeah, it's almost like a cape to get them like angry and so they go towards it.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 I would do it if it was like a honey badger or something.

spk_0 It's something small.

spk_0 You would be a Matador.

spk_0 Dude, you would be the perfect Matador for honey badgers.

spk_0 Right?

spk_0 Bobby be the best.

spk_0 Like you can see him like this is like a little gopher that's like like coming towards him.

spk_0 That'd be cool.

spk_0 How you the f***ing handkerchief?

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 But how do you manage your...

spk_0 They're f***ing violent.

spk_0 Well they can be, yeah.

spk_0

spk_0 They grab before your ankle, your f***ing f***ing dune.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 And you're a wrestler.

spk_0 Do you think you could...

spk_0 I could put a honey badger?

spk_0 No.

spk_0 I may put him in a cumura.

spk_0 You know what a cumura?

spk_0 No.

spk_0 It's a jujitsu move.

spk_0 Oh, can you show me?

spk_0 Yeah, put your nut at the bash.

spk_0

spk_0 He's gonna put me in some kind of...

spk_0 Okay.

spk_0 All right, look.

spk_0 Right here?

spk_0 Okay.

spk_0 Right here?

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Are you too short?

spk_0 I don't know how to do it.

spk_0 Ah, he popped me, I don't know how to do it.

spk_0 I thought you were seriously going to.

spk_0 No, no, no, I feel embarrassed.

spk_0 Anyway, thank you.

spk_0 Well, well, well, well, actually, if maybe you're okay with this, maybe you might do a

spk_0 little surprise.

spk_0 Yes.

spk_0 I think Andrew Santino is here.

spk_0 Would you be willing to come to the stage for a second?

spk_0 You're the one doing it.

spk_0 Oh my god.

spk_0 It's Andrew Santino from Bad Friends!

spk_0 I'm the gentleman.

spk_0 I just wanted to come up here.

spk_0 I just wanted to say how good of a set that Bob had.

spk_0 Bobby was nervous about doing the show and I said you're going to do such a good job.

spk_0 I was petrified.

spk_0 I couldn't sleep last night.

spk_0 Not your good job.

spk_0 Did everybody like it?

spk_0 See?

spk_0 Did he?

spk_0 Did the Australian girl like you?

spk_0 Yeah, yeah.

spk_0 Huh?

spk_0 You're not Australian?

spk_0 You're from New Zealand.

spk_0 You're from New Zealand, but you said you live in Australia, right?

spk_0 You're Australian now, lady.

spk_0 Welcome to the real world.

spk_0 You are where you are.

spk_0 Yeah, fuck you, lady.

spk_0 Not at all Bob.

spk_0 Bitch.

spk_0 No, no.

spk_0 She's probably nice.

spk_0 What a horror.

spk_0 She's not Bob.

spk_0 You're not loose lips.

spk_0 I'm going to say loose lips.

spk_0 No Bob.

spk_0 Man, are you a dragon along?

spk_0 Like get your lips fucking chocked.

spk_0 No, don't do that.

spk_0 You don't know that to be true.

spk_0 Are you a horror man, Mario?

spk_0 What day is it Tuesday?

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 She wants someone to eat her vagina right now.

spk_0 That's fucking weird.

spk_0 Who does?

spk_0 It's a lady right here.

spk_0 Is this your partner?

spk_0 Is it your friend?

spk_0 No, maybe she knows.

spk_0

spk_0 She wants to.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 This guy claims to be really good at it.

spk_0 He claims to be really good at it.

spk_0 Are you with a friend zone seriously?

spk_0 We used to date, you've been friends for...

spk_0 Oh, you already got it.

spk_0 Let's sound down.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 You're a little bit like a rock.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Wow, dude.

spk_0 Yeah, you look like...

spk_0 This is my favorite couple.

spk_0 Yeah, this guy.

spk_0 Look at this fuck machine right here.

spk_0 This guy looks like you would pay a million dollars

spk_0 to watch them have sex.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 He's sitting in the back of his corner.

spk_0 He's like, oh, yeah.

spk_0 Wow.

spk_0 His wife on the way home is like, you wouldn't do that.

spk_0 Would you really do that?

spk_0 Would you do something like that?

spk_0 That's really dark, Dan.

spk_0 Well, Mike Feeney is the nervous.

spk_0 So we should end.

spk_0 We have another comment coming up.

spk_0 Yeah, we can go more.

spk_0 Okay, good.

spk_0 I think it's so much, everybody.

spk_0 Give it up for Bobby Lee and Andrew Santino.

spk_0 We have won last comment coming to the stage right here right now.

spk_0 Are you guys ready for your final community in the night?

spk_0

spk_0 He has a great new podcast called Co-host Wanted.

spk_0 He's got multiple amazing specials on YouTube.

spk_0 He's a comedy seller, regular, and I absolutely love this guy.

spk_0 Please welcome the great Mike Feeney to the stage.

spk_0 Ladies and gentlemen, come on.

spk_0 Cheers.

spk_0

spk_0 Hi, everybody.

spk_0 What a show, huh?

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 It feels definitely like, you know, they got the order wrong,

spk_0 but, uh...

spk_0 LAUGHTER

spk_0 Certainly seems like should have saved the big celebrities for the end.

spk_0 But yeah, why not?

spk_0 The guy none of you know.

spk_0 Yeah, that seems like a follow-up.

spk_0 That seems adversarial, yeah, for sure.

spk_0 Not nervous, by the way.

spk_0 Bobby said, nervous, f**king to death, piece of shit, you know?

spk_0 But, um...

spk_0 Not nervous, excited.

spk_0 And I'm excited to hear some of your suggestions.

spk_0 By the way, I looked it up.

spk_0 I was in the back.

spk_0 I heard the thing.

spk_0 Be Arthur.

spk_0 Absolutely.

spk_0 Not in her 30s.

spk_0 63.

spk_0 When she was filming the goal of Ghosts,

spk_0 it just adds up.

spk_0 I've been waiting to fact-check that for an hour.

spk_0 LAUGHTER

spk_0 The other ladies, I don't know.

spk_0 But Be Arthur, she got damn old as sh**.

spk_0 Alright, anyway.

spk_0 It's great.

spk_0 And everyone just believed you.

spk_0 Like, oh, yeah, no, absolutely.

spk_0 Be Arthur, just...

spk_0 Super old, yeah.

spk_0 She was skateboarding, I think.

spk_0 You know, but, um...

spk_0 God damn it.

spk_0 Okay, um, let's, um, let's say, words out loud.

spk_0 Dollar tree.

spk_0 What'd you say?

spk_0 Dollar tree.

spk_0 The Dollar Tree.

spk_0 The Dollar Tree? Like, the store?

spk_0 Yeah, that's what you go there?

spk_0 Oh, yeah.

spk_0 Nice, okay, dude.

spk_0 I like the Dollar Tree.

spk_0 I haven't gone to one in a while.

spk_0 Um, I've been doing okay.

spk_0 But...

spk_0 I'm so sorry.

spk_0 But I...

spk_0 And you'll get...

spk_0 You push the rule.

spk_0 You'll get out.

spk_0 You know, I believe in you.

spk_0 You'll get up to, you know, like the K-Mart.

spk_0 I think you can get there, you know?

spk_0 With some hard work and determination,

spk_0 you can be at, uh, you know, whatever the fun, you know.

spk_0 What's that other one to below?

spk_0 20 below?

spk_0 Is that a place?

spk_0 Five below, yeah.

spk_0 20 below.

spk_0 Is that a fro-yo place?

spk_0 Anyway, um...

spk_0 It's kind of the fun, you know, riffing that you'll see

spk_0 throughout the set.

spk_0 It'll be me saying something with confidence.

spk_0 And then questioning it immediately and then asking people to say,

spk_0 if what I said is even a real thing at all.

spk_0 And so...

spk_0 This is it.

spk_0 Um, but, um, yeah, I don't...

spk_0 What's the best thing you ever bought from a Dollar Tree?

spk_0 Spatula, I got a nutmeg.

spk_0 Spatula, nice.

spk_0 How much was it?

spk_0 I bet it wasn't a dollar.

spk_0 Bet it's always more.

spk_0 You're even 125.

spk_0 125.

spk_0 That's where they fucking get you, huh?

spk_0 California.

spk_0 These goddamn taxes.

spk_0 We gotta do something.

spk_0 Okay, um...

spk_0 Okay, that's pretty cool.

spk_0 Well, I don't feel like that, you know, I feel like that Dollar Tree kind of ran its course.

spk_0 Anybody else?

spk_0 Uh...

spk_0 I can see you're very excited about it, and I want to talk more about it,

spk_0 but it just, you know, it sucks on every level.

spk_0 If we could have...

spk_0 I-in listen, I don't blame you guys.

spk_0 You guys have been shouting out suggestions this entire show.

spk_0 It's a lot of pressure on you guys,

spk_0 because if they're like, let's say someone throws out like a good suggestion,

spk_0 then you're like, we're riffing, we're all having a good time.

spk_0 We'll remember this forever.

spk_0 And then sometimes other people are like, Dollar Tree.

spk_0 And you're like, you know, you gotta work with that.

spk_0 And he's so excited.

spk_0 He said Dollar Tree.

spk_0 And I wanted...

spk_0 I felt like I just...

spk_0 I don't have a mall, he said none of my lab, but I think, you know, what else?

spk_0 I don't even see it in the night.

spk_0 What did you say?

spk_0 Sack of...

spk_0 Sack of official ritual.

spk_0 Okay, now, is that something you're into?

spk_0 Yeah, you go into it.

spk_0 You're nodding, I'm like, yeah, yeah.

spk_0 Okay, I'm gonna have security escort you out, but...

spk_0 I don't really believe in any of that stuff.

spk_0 I think...

spk_0 I do like that it is fun when people...

spk_0 People use to sacrifice goats.

spk_0 That I know, that was a big thing, right?

spk_0 People cut their...

spk_0 The closest I ever got to that is like, you know, the blood brothers thing when you're a kid,

spk_0 you cut your hand, they cut their hand, you both get AIDS.

spk_0 I remember that.

spk_0 That was a fun...

spk_0 That was a fun thing.

spk_0 80s were wild.

spk_0 But I...

spk_0 I don't know.

spk_0 I don't do...

spk_0 Do you like, what's the thing that you've done?

spk_0 If you've done like, Satanic rituals, all that stuff?

spk_0 Well, I haven't done it, but like...

spk_0 You're into it.

spk_0 Witches, yeah.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Witches, yeah.

spk_0 I don't...

spk_0 Are you a witch?

spk_0 Do you do...

spk_0 Witch stuff?

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 I don't know, like, I literally...

spk_0 I didn't know until very recently that witches are people that...

spk_0 It's like a thing, you know what I mean?

spk_0 Like, it's...

spk_0 It's so funny.

spk_0 I thought I used to just be like in the books and the ones that we burned and everything.

spk_0 And I...

spk_0 I thought we had burned all of you, but here you are, you know?

spk_0 A few of you fucking flew away on your little...

spk_0 You know?

spk_0 But you believe in like, the potions and all that stuff.

spk_0 But yeah, I gotta say witches, though, as a whole, you get a bad rap.

spk_0 Witches are far more attractive than the witches were led to believe.

spk_0 Witches are always like...

spk_0 portrayed as these like, ah, with the big like nose and the warrant at the end of the...

spk_0 beautiful, every witch I've ever met in my life, very, very beautiful person.

spk_0 So you bring it back witches, that's great.

spk_0 Um, I just, I just kind of want to compliment you, so you don't, I guess, put a curse on me or something.

spk_0 I don't know.

spk_0 You're like the new voodoo doll, people, you know?

spk_0 Like, that's kind of the, you know, like, I have noot.

spk_0 Is that a fun?

spk_0 Yeah?

spk_0 Do you own that?

spk_0 What is noot?

spk_0 I don't know what that is.

spk_0 Yeah, everyone just...

spk_0 It's mustard seed.

spk_0 That's crap.

spk_0 I gotta figure out why you know that, dude.

spk_0 You've said that with the most conviction of anybody, more than the be Arthur thing.

spk_0 You're like, it's mustard seed.

spk_0 I don't even...

spk_0 Are you into, are you into witchcraft?

spk_0 No, I'm not.

spk_0 I just factor out.

spk_0 I'll curious like that.

spk_0 Okay, yeah, you just, you just drink a lot of snapple.

spk_0 Okay.

spk_0 You just fucking ran under this.

spk_0 Like, huh, I'm gonna use this in 22 years, it'll be fun.

spk_0 Okay.

spk_0 Nice.

spk_0 More things.

spk_0 Tattooed wedding band.

spk_0 I don't like, I don't like that idea.

spk_0 It doesn't, uh, it's silly.

spk_0 I mean, I get it.

spk_0 It's like a permanent thing.

spk_0 But I think you gotta, you gotta be able to take it off.

spk_0 You know, only if you're cheating.

spk_0 But I, I, I, I, I, the wedding, I tattooed, but we talked about this earlier.

spk_0 Right, people getting the name tattooed on the thing.

spk_0 I don't think I could, I don't think I could do that.

spk_0 And it just feels, I don't know.

spk_0 Would you ever do that?

spk_0 No.

spk_0 No, you gotta get, is this, is this your wife?

spk_0 No.

spk_0 Oh, you guys don't know each other.

spk_0 Sorry, I'm also, don't fucking be so disgusted.

spk_0 And the fact that you could be this guy's husband.

spk_0 These guys, I don't know what he does, but he's jacked.

spk_0 He's in good shape.

spk_0 You're very sure you have a wife.

spk_0 Obviously, you got the ring, but seriously, obviously it was a conversation that she asked you to have.

spk_0 Like, what you want to get?

spk_0 How long have you been married?

spk_0 Ten years.

spk_0 Was it a 10 year anniversary discussion?

spk_0 Oh, no.

spk_0 No, they didn't have that thing.

spk_0 Like, for ten, why don't we just do a little, like, a little rose all the way around, that kind of a thing?

spk_0 So I say the fuck out, anything like that.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Would you guys, climb if you would get a wedding band tattooed?

spk_0 You were gonna, you were gonna do, you would?

spk_0 Okay.

spk_0 And who's this guy you're here with?

spk_0 This is my wife.

spk_0 How long have you been together?

spk_0 Five years.

spk_0 Good for you, dude.

spk_0 Good for you.

spk_0 Okay.

spk_0 I'd worry about maybe the first step of that, and being like, and then we'll get tattooed forever.

spk_0 Would you ever get that on your finger, dude?

spk_0 I'll keep the ring on.

spk_0 You'll keep the ring on.

spk_0 Okay, so that's a hard no.

spk_0 All right.

spk_0 That's, that's fun.

spk_0 It was a hard no, and isn't it the worst one?

spk_0 Because after COVID-2, it feels like a lot of people, they get married, engaged a lot quicker.

spk_0 That feels like there's probably a lot of pressure on you guy.

spk_0 How old are you, dude?

spk_0 I'll ask you, I don't want to ask you, miss.

spk_0 That's rude.

spk_0 I'll ask you, you're waiting a minute.

spk_0 What is it?

spk_0 23.

spk_0

spk_0 Oh, and you've been together for five years?

spk_0 Wow, that's great.

spk_0 Okay, so you guys met, you met in high school?

spk_0 Right after.

spk_0 Right after high school.

spk_0 Nice.

spk_0 Okay, so you've been together all through college.

spk_0 Did you go to the same college together?

spk_0 For a little bit.

spk_0 Nice.

spk_0 Okay, then you went the separate ways.

spk_0 You just got to miss out on the entire college experience.

spk_0 Awesome.

spk_0 That's fun.

spk_0 Just a serious committed relationship.

spk_0 You show you a serious committed relationship right before college.

spk_0 Incredible.

spk_0 Yeah, at this point, get the tattoo, dude.

spk_0 It's, you've missed it.

spk_0 You've clearly.

spk_0 You've missed everything.

spk_0 And I say that to you too, as well, miss.

spk_0 You've missed just the, you know, the drunk fun sex.

spk_0 But that's.

spk_0 But that's okay.

spk_0 I bet I bet my wife in college too.

spk_0 You know, it took us seven years.

spk_0 I waited seven years in order to propose.

spk_0 But that's great.

spk_0 But don't give them.

spk_0 I'll say this.

spk_0 Don't give them an ultimatum.

spk_0 Please.

spk_0 Because they ultimatum.

spk_0 They never work, you know.

spk_0 And I could see that you're squeezing them very tightly.

spk_0 But I just, she's like to five.

spk_0 Can you hear it?

spk_0 What I.

spk_0 What do you say?

spk_0 Once I graduate nursing school.

spk_0 Once you graduate nursing school.

spk_0 Okay, nice.

spk_0 Weirdly.

spk_0 Weird flex.

spk_0 I feel like that was.

spk_0 That was nice.

spk_0 She's like, I'll fucking wait for that.

spk_0 There's money coming.

spk_0 You know, let's do one more.

spk_0 And let's have, let's have fun.

spk_0 That's epic.

spk_0 You just wooed us a lot.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Oh, Zempick.

spk_0 Thank you for noticing.

spk_0 I've.

spk_0 I've never.

spk_0 I, who said, oh, Zempick?

spk_0 Which one of you said it?

spk_0 You said it?

spk_0 Nice.

spk_0 Okay, sweet.

spk_0 Do you, do you, do you like it?

spk_0 Do you ever do it?

spk_0 No.

spk_0 You fuck with it.

spk_0 The stabbing yourself.

spk_0 It's very pop of that and the manjarro, all that kind of thing.

spk_0 Now, I do feel like there's going to come out with a thing in like 20 years.

spk_0 It's like, if anyone he did that, your dick's going to fall off your body.

spk_0 There's going to be something bad about it soon.

spk_0 But I feel like half of LA is a club.

spk_0 If you've been on some sort of ozempick, manjarro, any kind of a thing.

spk_0 Not a single person.

spk_0 Okay, just, okay, nice.

spk_0 Sweet.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 And the rest of you just co-canadural.

spk_0 I guess.

spk_0 All right.

spk_0 This is a good, this is a good room.

spk_0 Yeah, dude.

spk_0 I don't know.

spk_0 I think, I think you got to do it the old fashioned way.

spk_0 Just kind of, you got to be able to hate yourself enough when you look in the mirror that you're

spk_0 like, I'm going to starve myself today.

spk_0 And that's how we get over this as a nation.

spk_0 And, yeah, thank you very much.

spk_0 I appreciate that.

spk_0 That's fine.

spk_0 Guys, give it go from Mike Fini, ladies and gentlemen.

spk_0 I love you.

spk_0 You're very fun.

spk_0 It's a very fun group.

spk_0 Thank you, buddy.

spk_0 I'm good, Pat.

spk_0 Good to see you.

spk_0 I'm good to see you too.

spk_0 Yeah, man.

spk_0 I always forget that you're a little bit taller than me and it really bothers me for some reason.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Kind of like East Coast, there's, you can't be too skinny tall guys on one coast, you know.

spk_0 No, we got to split up.

spk_0 Yeah, we got to split up, dude.

spk_0 All right.

spk_0 That's fine.

spk_0 And like, imagine if I had my shirt button, how much fucking dweeb's we would look like next to one another?

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 I'm like, I'm like this slightly cooler version of you.

spk_0 Are you excited for a picture day?

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 You want to get my photo?

spk_0 Were you a pocket protector guy?

spk_0 Did you ever have one of those?

spk_0 No.

spk_0 I wasn't saved by the bell character.

spk_0 No, no, no, no, no.

spk_0 No, no, no, no.

spk_0 I was, you know, I was, I was nerdy because I was passionate about, you know, the extra-curricular

spk_0 activities.

spk_0 I played saxophone.

spk_0 I played sports.

spk_0 You were in the band.

spk_0 You played sports.

spk_0 What sports did you play?

spk_0 I was basketball.

spk_0 You played basketball.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 I'm good.

spk_0 Wow.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Huh.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Does, kind of if you believe that.

spk_0 I'm not saying you're wrong, I just, I just feels, are you?

spk_0 It feels like you don't have enough to, like, I played, but I wasn't good, but I feel like

spk_0 we were, that's why I question this because we're both skinny enough that I feel like

spk_0 you can't, what are you doing?

spk_0 Are you drawing?

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 You're playing down low?

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Everyone's going to box you out.

spk_0 You got to, you took it.

spk_0 No, my take, I, I'm from Kansas.

spk_0 You're trying to box me out right the fuck now.

spk_0 Are you serious?

spk_0 I'm going to try to get to this hoop you're trying to, I'm going to try to get, you're

spk_0 trying to be serious.

spk_0 I'm fucking dead serious.

spk_0 Where's the hoop?

spk_0 We're going to put the hoop somewhere.

spk_0 Put the hoop somewhere.

spk_0 The hoop is that, is that camera right there?

spk_0 Okay.

spk_0 Is it up there?

spk_0 Yeah, that camera up there.

spk_0

spk_0 Are you ready?

spk_0 Yep.

spk_0

spk_0 Oh.

spk_0 Easy.

spk_0

spk_0 I'm sorry, baby.

spk_0 I'm sorry.

spk_0 I told you.

spk_0

spk_0 I had the ball. Did you see me dribbling? That was crazy.

spk_0 Exactly.

spk_0 Wow, dude.

spk_0 Dude, you're a, you're a, that, that, that hurt.

spk_0 You stabbed my leg with your ass.

spk_0 That was sharp.

spk_0 Oh my god.

spk_0 I couldn't believe that.

spk_0 It was, it was twerk behind that.

spk_0 Wow.

spk_0 Dude, if you, man, if you ever, if you were gay,

spk_0 you would have, uh, holy shit.

spk_0 The stories that you would have.

spk_0 Yup.

spk_0 That is the power bottom.

spk_0 That was fantastic.

spk_0 Holy shit.

spk_0 Okay.

spk_0 Plenty.

spk_0 All right.

spk_0 I take back everything.

spk_0 Number 43.

spk_0 Power bottom.

spk_0 Jeremiah Watkins.

spk_0 You just walk out like this.

spk_0

spk_0 From the Chicago Bulls.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 That was crazy.

spk_0 Okay.

spk_0 Wow.

spk_0 All right.

spk_0 Learn from Bobby.

spk_0 There you go.

spk_0 Okay.

spk_0 Let's grab a suggestion.

spk_0 What?

spk_0

spk_0 Press got what?

spk_0 I don't know how to tell you this.

spk_0 You're done.

spk_0 You're suggestion down.

spk_0 Share the wealth with some of the rest of the crowd, okay?

spk_0 I want a suggestion from this guy right here in the who's shirt.

spk_0 Okay.

spk_0 Great.

spk_0 Um, what?

spk_0 Oh, weimos.

spk_0 I've never seen one in my life before the last two days and I've seen, I think,

spk_0 conservatively, like, 3300 of them and every single time I'm the one person that's like,

spk_0 look at that.

spk_0 I'm like looking around for anyone to care.

spk_0 None of you care at this point.

spk_0 You guys are just fucking not impressed by the future.

spk_0 It's very, it's very strange.

spk_0 I watched them.

spk_0 Here's the fun part about it is that I went, I made the same mistake.

spk_0 My GPS took me to a place where you know how you guys, you in LA, you just like close roads

spk_0 and it, you're just like, I have to do no reason forever.

spk_0 And then so, but you, but, but you don't know that.

spk_0 And Google doesn't know that.

spk_0 So you get all the way to halfway down a hill that looks like this.

spk_0 And then you have to turn back around.

spk_0 Your whole engine's going to explode.

spk_0 And I, I felt like such a dumbass for doing that because I was the only car down that road.

spk_0 And then as I turned around, a fucking whammo came down and then did the same thing,

spk_0 but turned like better than I did.

spk_0 And I was so fucking pissed about it.

spk_0 What if you just like, what if people do it?

spk_0 Anybody ever vandalize those?

spk_0 I feel like what if you just, what if you like spray paint one of the little cameras?

spk_0 So they just fucking go crazy?

spk_0 They, I have ridden inside one and it does make announcements like if you're taking too long to get out of the car.

spk_0 It's like, please exit the vehicle immediately.

spk_0 It becomes like almost like a Robocop scene where you start getting a little afraid where you're like,

spk_0 is this car going to pull a gun out on me?

spk_0 Dude, I, uh, what if they, what if they don't let you out?

spk_0 You can vape and then what?

spk_0 Wow, what?

spk_0 What a douchebag.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Did you know you can actually vape in the whammos and it goes completely undetected?

spk_0 Yeah, what are they going to do?

spk_0 Yeah, let you in robot, you know what I mean?

spk_0 But they both are robot.

spk_0 So I guess that's kind of a fun thing, you know, it's like the, it respects the, now I bet if you lit up a cigarette it would slam on the brakes, but because it's a future cigarette, that's probably okay.

spk_0 Nice.

spk_0 Oh, it is a robot.

spk_0 Yeah, that's a good point.

spk_0 Yeah, they're like, we like you using our kind.

spk_0 Yeah, that's my cousin, Jim, you know.

spk_0 Okay.

spk_0 Deja vu.

spk_0 What's funny is I've, you know, I've done this show before, so this is a bit of Deja vu right now being here feeling the, you know, there is a pressure when you do these shows if like you can't do material and stuff like that.

spk_0 You know, I mean most people stick to that and, but I, but I do feel like it is a, it's a, it's a fucker fight situation.

spk_0 And I like, I like doing that.

spk_0 And I like you guys.

spk_0 You're very gladatory.

spk_0 You like you and you like, like you want to see, you want to see people, I don't know if you want to see us fail or you want to see us exceed any other way it's fun for you, you know, either way you're enjoying it.

spk_0 I think that's such a crazy thing to say.

spk_0 By the way, you're enjoying it, you know, I grew up playing a lot of basketball.

spk_0 Whoa, that reminds me of something that happened earlier.

spk_0 Deja vu call back.

spk_0 Deja vu.

spk_0 The first time I saw Deja vu in a movie was the Matrix.

spk_0 Do you remember that scene in the Matrix?

spk_0 Yeah, when he literally goes, whoa, Deja vu.

spk_0 And he says that?

spk_0 Yeah, you remember that scene?

spk_0 Which by the way, just like show the, like that, that was such a didn't need to be said line, you know, like if you had a reef saw the cat twice and went like this.

spk_0 We would have been like, oh, he's seeing the cat again.

spk_0 It was a great, but the saying Deja vu was so heavy head and saying it in his fucking day.

spk_0 Kind of way.

spk_0 I think he's just like enough to get out.

spk_0 And then he said to the witch house, he's like, listen, I have an improv.

spk_0 Can we, can we do another take real quick?

spk_0 And they're like, we're focusing on our like top surgery.

spk_0 So you can do whatever you want.

spk_0 So that's a fun thing.

spk_0 Appreciate that.

spk_0 That's inside.

spk_0 Yeah, I'm a real chalice sisters now.

spk_0 Thank you.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Thank you very much.

spk_0 Appreciate that.

spk_0 A bunch of people here really anti-trans.

spk_0 It's very disgusting.

spk_0 Disgusting people over there.

spk_0 But one more suggestion.

spk_0 What do we got?

spk_0 Elbe.

spk_0 Spiders.

spk_0 Elbees.

spk_0 Spiders.

spk_0 What would you rather have up your ass?

spk_0 That is a really good suggestion.

spk_0 That is a...

spk_0 Probably the beads to be honest.

spk_0 Yeah, you got to go with the be there made to be there.

spk_0 It feels like it's...

spk_0 That's it?

spk_0 I don't think it's much of a decision at all.

spk_0 I think that's...

spk_0 One's an inanimate object built for, you know, ass plowing.

spk_0 And the other is an eight-legged freak.

spk_0 You know, you remember that movie?

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Yeah, no, I would not want a spider anywhere.

spk_0 Do you believe the thing that we eat like eight spiders a year in our sleep?

spk_0 I think we do.

spk_0 Yeah, that's a thing.

spk_0 Good luck sleeping tonight, you know.

spk_0 Yeah, we're like welcome to America.

spk_0 Welcome to America.

spk_0 I've kind of turned on spiders as I get older.

spk_0 I'm pro spiders now.

spk_0 If for no other reason, then they killed the mosquitoes.

spk_0 And I'm like, that's you're doing the Lord's work, you know?

spk_0 They're...

spk_0 They're doing that.

spk_0 I don't want them on me or near me.

spk_0 But sometimes I'll see one in the corner of the house and I'll leave it.

spk_0 I'll be like, you got this, dude.

spk_0 Oh, really?

spk_0 Oh, yeah.

spk_0 I did get that little tennis racket zapper thing, though.

spk_0 Oh.

spk_0 And I'll catch...

spk_0 If I catch something in the...

spk_0 Like a fly.

spk_0 A fly.

spk_0

spk_0 A loose dude.

spk_0 I spent 38 minutes just chasing it around.

spk_0 And when you hear that...

spk_0 Like that, it is...

spk_0 Oh, my God.

spk_0 I was like, coming.

spk_0 I felt great.

spk_0 I felt...

spk_0 I think I'm turning my four year old into a sociopath because he likes to kill flies with

spk_0 me now.

spk_0 And he's like, that, that's...

spk_0 Let's kill flies together.

spk_0 Oh, that's a big...

spk_0 Yeah, that's a huge problem.

spk_0 I shouldn't...

spk_0 I wouldn't pursue that.

spk_0 That's obvious.

spk_0 That's exactly what happened with the...

spk_0 The...

spk_0 In Dahmer.

spk_0 Remember that did you watch the show?

spk_0 About a little bit.

spk_0 Yeah, that's literally what he did.

spk_0 They found...

spk_0 They would find roadkill and then like do a little...

spk_0 He's like, oh, you want to be a doctor.

spk_0 I'll encourage that by doing...

spk_0 By doing little autopsies on these animals with you.

spk_0 And so like that's...

spk_0 You are...

spk_0 Quite literally raising a murderer.

spk_0 You're making a murderer.

spk_0 Season three.

spk_0 Well.

spk_0 Hey, as long as it kills like his dad, I'm all about it.

spk_0 Hey guys, do we have fun with Mike Fini?

spk_0 Thank you.

spk_0 That was the 15 year anniversary show of Stand Up on the Spot.

spk_0 Did we have a good time, ladies and gentlemen?

spk_0 Thank you to everybody that has supported this show for many, many years.

spk_0 Shout out to my director of photography, Chris McMillan behind that camera right there.

spk_0 Shout out to my producer, Brian Woods, who's been with me since...

spk_0 Pretty much year one of this show.

spk_0 That's Brian Woods right up there.

spk_0 Get a shout out of Brian Woods right up there, Chris.

spk_0 Thank you to anybody who has supported this show, whether it's been live or online over the years,

spk_0 YouTube.com slash at Stand Up OTS.

spk_0 Watch this episode there, you know, like, comment, subscribe, all that stuff.

spk_0 I love you guys.

spk_0 There's been many imitations of my show over the years, but this is the only one and it's still standing.

spk_0 And we'll keep making this show because of you guys, the fans.

spk_0 I love you guys so much.

spk_0 I'm Jeremiah Lockins.

spk_0 Thank you so much.

spk_0 Thanks so much for watching the 15-year anniversary of Stand Up on the Spot.

spk_0 Make sure you hit that like button, leave a comment, and subscribe before you go.

spk_0 Thanks so much for all your support up to now and all the years to come.

SOTS: Bobby Lee, Andrew Santino, Tony Baker, Caroline Rhea, Feeney & Watkins |Ep 82 |15 Year Special

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